Kangaroos

Two kangaroos were talking to each other, and one said, "Gee, I hope it doesn't rain today, I hate it when the children play inside."

Look at myetrek.com

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Lovefraud Blog
Wake up to the danger of sociopaths
Jan. 24, 2008
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New blog posts
-- Ask Dr. Leedom: Are sociopaths (and psychopaths) vindictive?
-- Will you help others by recommending a professional resource?
-- After he's gone: Looking at the sociopath through open eyes
-- The psychopath's bewildering ways of talking
-- Aggression
-- Differentiating narcissists and psychopaths
Terri,
Because you've expressed an interest in Lovefraud, I'm sending you this update of our blog articles and discussions. If you do not wish to receive updates, you may unsubscribe by clicking the link at the bottom of this email.



Ask Dr. Leedom: Are sociopaths (and psychopaths) vindictive?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Liane Leedom explains what sociopaths really mean when they say, "I love you," and why, even though they don't really care about you, they turn vindictive when you leave. Read Ask Dr. Leedom: Are sociopaths (and psychopaths) vindictive?


Will you help others by recommending a professional resource?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Almost every day, someone calls Lovefraud asking for help--a therapist, a lawyer, an investigator. If you know a qualified professional--someone who gets it when it comes to dealing with sociopaths--will you help others by telling us who it is? Please contact us with your referral right away. Some other victim's sanity--or life--may depend on it.
Read: Will you help others by recommending a professional resource?


After he's gone: Looking at the sociopath through open eyes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While M. L. Gallagher was with the sociopath, she focused on coping with what he did. She did not focus on what she was doing--and that was the difference between living with abuse or freeing herself. Read After he's gone: Looking at the sociopath through open eyes


The psychopath's bewildering ways of talking
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Steve writes that psychopaths frequently make contradictory statements, construct strange words and talk in logical fallacies. He asks Lovefraud readers to supply examples of the bewildering speech of psychopaths--and a lively discussion ensued. Read The psychopath's bewildering ways of talking


Aggression
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New research seems to indicate that aggression can be as emotionally rewarding as food and sex, Dr. Steve writes. Many people who have tangled with a psychopath have learned to become more aggressive to protect themselves. Is there pleasure in it? Read Aggression


Differentiating narcissists and psychopaths
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a guest post, Steve Becker, LCSW, CH.T, explains that although narcissists and psychopaths behave in similar ways, the reasons for their behavior are different. Read Differentiating narcissists and psychopaths

Juno The Movie Versus Real Birth Moms
By Terri Rimmer
Published Yesterday
Chlidren
Rating: Unrated
Terri Rimmer
Terri Rimmer has 24 years of journalism experience, having worked for ten newspapers and some magazines. Currently she writes for http://associatedcontent.com. She has a daughter, McKenna, whom she placed for adoption in August 2000. Ms. Rimmer published her e-book "MacKenzie's Hope" on http://booklocker.com under the family heading. It's also listed on http://adopting.com. She resides in Fort Worth, TX. In 2007 she won a Media Award from Associated Content and in 2005 she received a grant from Change, Inc.
View all articles by Terri Rimmer
Does the film depict what adoption is really like?
A lot of talk has been going on about the popular teen movie “Juno” about a girl who gets pregnant and places her child for adoption.



The movie takes the typical safe route in a lot of ways when it comes to portraying birth moms in a realistic light, that is to say they did not do so. Instead they opted for the story to be a closed adoption and for the birth mom on screen to be viewed as a smart-alecky brat who moves on after saying goodbye to her baby without incident. This is, of course, what society preaches and the film did birth moms no favors with regard to telling a real story. I can tell you as a birth mom involved in a semi-open adoption that you don’t “just move on” after placing your child into the arms of his or her new parents. But society wants us to do just that so they don’t have to deal with our grief.



I can count on one hand how many people actually acknowledged my pain and let me grieve.



Many bloggers have made their opinions known on various boards across the country, some who have no experience with adoption, others who do.



But, I think this birth mom hit the nail on the head when she said, “Giving your child up is not the simple solution this movie has made it out to be nor is the closed adoption it advocates healthy for the mother or child.” (http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2007/12/31/juno-misses-chance-to-address-abortion-honestly).



One statement made by someone who saw the film was that just because the adoptive parents were rich was no reason for the birth mom to choose them. Yes, the adoptive parents of my little girl are better off than me, but that is not the entire reason I chose them

. No money does not necessarily equal happiness but in my case I knew they would be able to provide things for her that I would not be able to and I’m not talking about ponies and a tiara. As it turns out my birth daughter wound up with a medical condition and the adoptive parents I chose are both nurses though when I picked them I did not know she was going to have a problem at the time.



Another person stated on one of the websites after seeing the film that birth moms shouldn’t make sure that adoptive parents get their need fulfilled by furnishing them with a child. It’s not about getting their needs filled. It’s a lot more than that. In my case, the adoptive parents of my little girl went through three miscarriages and three birth moms changing their mind before they met me. So to say they have been through a lot in that arena is putting it mildly.



Someone else made the comment that if the character in the film is supposed to be so “whip-smart” as described in movie reviews, why did she get pregnant? Well, I have been called smart yet I got pregnant because for 14 years I didn’t think I could conceive.



The fact that the screenwriter chose to make the film “quirky, funny, and smarmy” says a lot about how society isn’t ready to deal with the real picture of adoption when it comes to birth moms. And they even have a line of merchandise to go with the movie like it’s all a game. Oh, and don’t forget the hip soundtrack.



And another thing: A closed adoption doesn’t mean that the birth mom hangs out at the adoptive couple’s house all the time. In fact, in reality she would have no idea of where they live or who they are.



Note to filmmakers: Next time you want to make a realistic adoption movie, talk to some real birth moms, adoptive parents, and adoptees.

Terri Rimmer,

You've been published on Associated Content! View your content here:
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There is a story called The Boy Who Couldn't Eat about a little boy, Adam, 7, who doesn't eat. It sounded just like McKenna only he has Crohn's Disease. He has something called EE (eosinophilic esophagitis, a gastro disorder. I just found it and couldn't believe it.

You've been published on Associated Content! View your content here:
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Wake up to the danger of sociopaths
Jan. 16, 2008
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New blog posts
-- Ask Dr. Leedom: Are there psychological tactics for dealing with a psychopath?
-- Nothing says "I'm sexy" like an automatic weapon
-- What the sociopath experience has taught me
-- Book Review: The Other Mrs. Jordan
-- (Given what you've learned the hard way) what's your attitude like?
-- Married man sleeps with 13 women in a week
-- Letters to Lovefraud: He wanted me to keep playing his bitch
-- Undoing the riddle of the sociopath
-- Worst-case scenarios at the Battered Women conference
Terri,
Thank you for your interest in Lovefraud.com. If you do not wish to receive updates, you may unsubscribe by clicking the link at the bottom at this e- mail.



Ask Dr. Leedom: Are there psychological tactics for dealing with a psychopath?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A reader asks if there are tools and strategies for staying ahead of a psychopath. Dr. Leedom answers that there are only two legitimate reasons for involvement with psychopaths, and tells what you must always keep in mind in dealing with them. Read Ask Dr. Leedom: Are there psychological tactics for dealing with a psychopath?


Nothing says "I'm sexy" like an automatic weapon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not long ago, Arizona's Miss Desert Sun 2006 posed for the Subguns.com catalog in a black vinyl bikini holding an automatic weapon--see the photo on Lovefraud. In December, she was arrested for holding her ex-boyfriend captive. Read: Nothing says "I'm sexy" like an automatic weapon


What the sociopath experience has taught me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
M. L. Gallagher recently had a run-in with someone who had the traits of a bully. Because of her experience with the sociopath, she knew what to do. Read What the sociopath experience has taught me


Book Review: The Other Mrs. Jordan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary Turner Thomson of Scotland wrote a book about her relationship with a bigamous sociopath. If you want to know how con artists do it, or if you want your own experience validated, it's must reading. Read Book Review: The Other Mrs. Jordan


(Given what you've learned the hard way) what's your attitude like?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you've had a nasty encounter with a sociopath, there is a danger that you could become jaded. Dr. Steve asks about your attitude, which sparked a lively discussion among Lovefraud readers. Read (Given what you've learned the hard way) what's your attitude like?


Married man sleeps with 13 women in a week
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a letter to Dr. Gail Schultz on the Today Show website, a married man said that even though his wife is beautiful and intelligent, and they have a great sex life, he cheats incessantly. Dr. Schultz's reply broke new ground when it comes to sociopaths and the media. Read Married man sleeps with 13 women in a week


Letters to Lovefraud: He wanted me to keep playing his bitch
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A 24-year-old graduate student tells about her relationship with a sociopath. The abuse started slowly, but then spiraled downward into dangerous sexual demands. Read Letters to Lovefraud: He wanted me to keep playing his bitch


Undoing the riddle of the sociopath
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
M.L. Gallagher describes how her relationship with a sociopath was like living a riddle. Following his misdirection, she didn't see what he was really doing--which is a typical sociopathic ploy. Read Undoing the riddle of the sociopath


Worst-case scenarios at the Battered Women conference
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lovefraud attended the Battered Women, Abused Children and Child Custody conference in Albany, N.Y. Many of the women there had lost custody of their children to abusive partners. The consensus: America's family court system is broken. Read Worst-case scenarios at the Battered Women conference

The Other Promises of AA
By Terri Rimmer
Published Yesterday
Religion & Spirituality
Rating: Unrated
Terri Rimmer
Terri Rimmer has 24 years of journalism experience, having worked for ten newspapers and some magazines. Currently she writes for http://associatedcontent.com. She has a daughter, McKenna, whom she placed for adoption in August 2000. Ms. Rimmer published her e-book "MacKenzie's Hope" on http://booklocker.com under the family heading. It's also listed on http://adopting.com. She resides in Fort Worth, TX. In 2007 she won a Media Award from Associated Content and in 2005 she received a grant from Change, Inc.
View all articles by Terri Rimmer
There Are Other Guarantees That Go With the Steps
There are several sets of Promises in the book Alcoholics Anonymous, the textbook of the fellowship and most members are familiar with the ones on Pages 83 and 84.



But in this piece, I will talk about the subsets of Promises that are also found in various parts of the book.



The First Step Promises state: “I was soon to be catapulted into what I like to call the fourth dimension of existence I was to know happiness, peace, and usefulness, in a way of life that I incredibly more wonderful as time passes.” (Source: AA). An illustration of this would be the former newspaperman I knew who went from Skid Row to being an award-winning journalist. The First Step Promises continue with: “Belief in the power of God, plus enough willingness, honesty and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things, were the essential requirements” and “There is scarcely any form of trouble and misery which has not been overcome among us.” A good example of this would be the man in the program who had to ride a bike everywhere because he couldn’t afford a car for six years of his sobriety then he was able to finally afford a vehicle.



They continue with: “There is, however a vast amount of fun about it all” which can be illustrated as having fun in sobriety without alcohol and “There exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful.” This means there is a bond among AA members that doesn’t go away. It goes on to say: “The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us…The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism.”



The First Step Promises conclude with: “The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves” and “A new life has been give us, or, if you prefer, ’a design for living’ that really works.” You can understand this by imagining the former single mom who used to physically abuse her child who undergoes a spiritual transformation. The last two guarantees state “All of us, whatever our race, creed, or color are the children of a living Creator with whom we may form a relationship upon simple and understandable terms as soon as we are willing and honest enough to try.” This means we all have a fundamental idea of God and that is the beginning of our attempt for a sober life.



The Second Step Promises states the following: “We found that as soon as we were able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a Power greater than ourselves, we commenced to get results, even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that Power, which is God” (Source: Alcoholics Anonymous) and “The Realm of Spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive; never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek. It is open, we believe, to all men.” It goes on to say that “As soon as a man or woman can say that he does believe, or is wiling to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. It has been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built.” For instance, there is a woman who once had ten years sober, relapsed, came back to the program after staying out for years and having had stolen credit cards and abused prescription drugs, and is now a totally different person.



The Second Step Promises continue by saying: “In the face of collapse and despair, in the face of the

total failure of their human resources, they found that a new power, peace, happiness, and sense of direction flowed into them,” which would explain why some prison inmates find, after serving time for DUIs, for example, a higher power and sobriety as a new way of life. They also state that “When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the Universe, we had to stop doubting the power of God. Our ideas did not not work. But the God idea did” and “He has come to all who have honestly sought Him. When we drew near to Him He disclosed Himself to us!” This can be illustrated in the portrait of the man in treatment who gets on his knees and prays in earnest to something, somewhere that will help him.



The Third Step Promises state that “God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are his agents. He is the Father and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.” An old sponsor of mine told me to use this direction when it came to problems with the boss. She also used it with another sponsee to help her stop stealing. This set of promises goes on to state that “We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him and performed His work well. Established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans, and designs.” An example of this would be the employee who has grandiose ideas without much much talent who realizes that his goal on this earth is not to chase after ill-conceived get-rich-quick schemes.



“More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life” is also part of this set of promises as is “As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we begin to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or hereafter. We were reborn.” Another example of this would be the widow who is able to overcome her depression and isolation and who, yesterday, could not imagine life withot her husband but now can see some hope.



The Fourth Step Promises say “When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.” I have heard stories from many who have told me that some or all of their health problems cleared up when they strengthened themselves spiritually. “Just as to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity” is also part of this set of promises. Somehow, in this whole process we are able to hear that still, small voice guiding us to do the right thing.



It continues with “We have begun to learn tolerance, patience, and good will toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people” which is a tough one for alcoholics but it can be achieved.



Fifth Step Promises tell us that once we have done the Fifth Step with our sponsor or that trusted someone that “We can look the world in the eye,” “We can be alone at perfect peace and ease,” “Our fears fall from us,” “We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator,“ “We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience,” “The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly,” and “We feel we are on the broad highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.”



To translate, these promises mean we can hold our head up, not be morose about going through a divorce, for instance, we feel the inner spirit within us, and we might re-examine our old spiritual hang-ups. It also can be seen in an example such as this one: A formerly promiscuous woman, now sober, has a husband and child and has left that life behind all due to a psychic change.

Article on me in Fostering Families Today Magazine:

Editorial about foster care system - mentions me

juicy bits
The Condensed Tom Cruise
Slate reads the new Tom Cruise bio so you don't have to.
By Juliet Lapidos
Posted Friday, Jan. 11, 2008, at 2:04 PM ET


How dubious is Andrew Morton's long-awaited Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography? Well, the book is not for sale in the United Kingdom, due to that country's libel laws; and it's rumored that Scientology lawyers are already drawing up a suit against Morton's publisher, St. Martin's Press. If you're craving the inside (and blatantly unsubstantiated) scoop on Tom's private life, follow Slate's handy guide straight to the good parts.

Inside the Actor's Closet

Ever since that ridiculously homoerotic volleyball scene in Top Gun, the world has wondered about Tom Cruise's sexuality. But Andrew Morton's Tom is a hot-blooded heterosexual.

Page 13: One of Tom's first girlfriends, Carol Trumpler, still gets "misty-eyed" when she remembers her brief dalliance with the future star: "He was a very good kisser, very much at ease with it all. But what do you know at eleven?" Sadly for Carol, Tom moved on pretty quick. "I was trying to be a good girl, and when I didn't give in to his ways he moved on."

Page 68: Remember the sex-on-a-train scene in Risky Business? Morton alleges that "while Tom and Rebecca [De Mornay] were nervous before playing the scene, those who snuck onto the closed set are convinced that the answer to the question of 'did they, didn't they' really get it on on camera is a firm yes."

Page 195: High-school girlfriend Diane Van Zoeren doesn't give any credence to the "Tom is gay" rumor: "I don't get it. I find these stories just hard to believe. We romanced in my dad's Oldsmobile doing what you are not supposed to."

Page 34: Nancy Armel, another high-school flame, also remembers fooling around in a parked car. She told Morton: "I was black and blue from the gearshift."

Page 65: Tom tried to impress Nancy by taking her to the Broadway musical La Cage aux Folles, but he "was unaware of the story line—about two gay men living together in St. Tropez." According to Nancy, "he couldn't handle it. We had to leave before the intermission. It really bothered him. He was definitely homophobic."

Page 195: Morton claims that "Tom was uncomfortable around gay men. Those who saw him in the company of some of Nicole [Kidman's] gay friends, who included designer John Galliano, noticed that he was awkward and ill at ease, much preferring the company of jocks who talked about football rather than fashion."

Courtly Knight/Night Stalker

Page 259: Just one day after Sofía Vergara met Tom, Morton says the Colombian actress "faced a blizzard of phone calls, text messages, and e-mails." Tom also "sent her flowers, notes, and chocolates."

Page 263: Eventually, Sofía got freaked out by Tom's attentiveness and his faith. When Tom arranged for a trip to Clearwater, the Scientology center in Florida, she allegedly "stood him up, packing a bag and 'disappearing' for a few days." Tom, however, wouldn't let up: "For five days he left messages and texts, but she resolutely refused to return his calls."

Page 145: During their courtship phase, Tom sent Nicole Kidman "flowers, usually red roses, almost daily."

Page 157: Tom's romancing didn't stop with clichéd flora; he also had a way with words. Morton claims that "one householder in Toronto who rented her house to the Cruises was bemused to find several love notes in her sofa cushions when she moved back in. At first she thought her husband was being uncharacteristically affectionate. Then she realized they were penned by Tom."

Page 166: Tom was always asking, "Where is Nic?" An unnamed insider confirms that he was "a control freak, certainly. … He was always checking up on Nic especially."

Free Katie!

Page 278: Allegedly, Katie signed a Scientology contract that fundamentally changed her "human rights and those of her future children, requiring that if she or any of her children were ever to suffer from mental or terminal illness, they must turn only to Scientology's treatments. She must never use psychiatric care or psychiatric drugs."

Page 290-291: Morton repeats the sketchy tabloid rumors that Tom "bought a fetus learning system that was strapped to Katie's stomach" and that he "fitted Katie's cell phone with a tracking device so that he would know where she was day and night."

Page 289: Without naming his sources, Morton spins the following yarn: "Some [Scientology] sect members sincerely believed that Katie Holmes was carrying the baby who would be the vessel for L. Ron Hubbard's spirit when he returned from his trip around the galaxy. True believers were convinced that Tom's spawn would be the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard. Some Sea Org fanatics even wondered if the actress had been impregnated with Hubbard's frozen sperm." How'd Katie feel about all this? Morton puts his intuitive powers to the test to produce this gem: "Katie might have felt as if she were in the middle of a real-life version of the horror movie Rosemary's Baby, in which an unsuspecting young woman is impregnated with the Devil's child."

Operating Thetan

Page 109: Scriptwriter and onetime Scientologist Skip Press conjectures that Tom's first wife, Mimi Rogers, "made a play for Tom with the primary intention of bringing him into the [Scientology] cult and leapfrogging over him to an acting career."

Page 123: When Tom accepted an invitation to the Scientology Gold Base in the California desert, head honcho David Miscavige allegedly announced to his staff: "The most important recruit ever is in the process of being secured. His arrival will change the face of Scientology forever."

Page 153-154: Tom and Nicole shared a "fantasy of running through a meadow of wildflowers together." Eager to please his recruit, Miscavige "decided to make his dream come true. A team of twenty Sea Org disciples was set to work digging, hoeing, and planting wheat grass and wildflower seed near the Cruises' bungalow. Former Scientologist Maureen Bolstad recalled working until early in the morning in the mud and pouring rain." Sounds implausible, but Morton quotes another former Scientologist, Karen Pressley, as saying: "the story of the meadow for Tom and Nicole is absolutely true. I was there."

Page 171-172: By 1993, Morton says Tom "progressed to what Scientologists call 'the Wall of Fire,' or Operating Thetan III, where the secrets of the universe according to Hubbard [are] revealed." Allegedly, "Tom found the knowledge he had just received disturbing and alarming, as he struggled to reconcile the creationist myth with the more practical teachings contained in the lower levels of Scientology. … It was recalled that around this time relations became 'ugly' between David Miscavige and the Hollywood actor, Tom complaining that he had studied all these years and the whole faith was about space aliens."

Page 250: Tom's disenchantment didn't last long. Morton writes that by 2004, Tom "reached the exalted level of Operating Thetan VII, where Hubbard promised that man would become his own god." What's level VII like? According to former Scientologist Peter Alexander, "You believe that all your problems are due to these thetans. So when you come back into reality, you're like, 'Wow, this is a nice day, my dog's been killed but that doesn't matter, I realize that I am a being who has lived endlessly contacting all those long-lost body thetans. So nothing is really a problem.'"

Juliet Lapidos is a Slate editorial assistant.

Article URL: http://www.slate.com/id/2181858/
Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC

Students Who Work Some are More Organized
By Terri Rimmer
Published 01/3/2008
Making Money
Rating: Unrated
Terri Rimmer
Terri Rimmer has 24 years of journalism experience, having worked for ten newspapers and some magazines. Currently she writes for http://associatedcontent.com. She has a daughter, McKenna, whom she placed for adoption in August 2000. Ms. Rimmer published her e-book "MacKenzie's Hope" on http://booklocker.com under the family heading. It's also listed on http://adopting.com. She resides in Fort Worth, TX. In 2007 she won a Media Award from Associated Content and in 2005 she received a grant from Change, Inc. In 2003.
View all articles by Terri Rimmer
Students Who Work Some are More Organized


According to studies, college students who work between eight to ten hours a week tend to be more efficient and spend their free time more wisely. (Source: phy.ilstu.edu).

Back in 1986, now Director of Career Services Bruce Brewer said that students who get caught up in academics often don’t take the time to look for jobs. (Source: University of West Georgia). At the time Brewer was director of placement and co-op education at the school, which back then only had approximately 1,800 students and was a college before becoming a university.

Brewer has so much to offer students who are job-seeking.

“In looking for a job, it’s an easy thing to put off,” said Brewer. “We encouraged all seniors (back then) within three quarters of graduation to come by and get set up at the Placement Office.”

There were three components to the office in ‘86 – Student Employment Referral Service (SERS), which dealt with off-campus employments such as fast food or secretarial work; Co-Operative Education, whereby students could get practical work experience in fields they were interested in, and Career Placement Service, when the people involved in the service work with seniors graduating, teach them to write resumes, interview, and talk with employers when they come to the college.

“We had good responses from the programs,” Brewer said. “Sometimes we already had the jobs.

Brewer also stated that sometimes Co-Ops (studnets working their chosen fields while going to school, had positions before graduating because of the contacts they made while in school.

Some students did internships through the Governor’s Intern Program.

“Many thought Co-Op would lengthen school for them but it only extended it a quarter. If it did lengthen it, it’d be worth it,” said Brewer. “Our biggest problem was getting enough students in. We had more jobs than students.”

The Placement Office helped with baby-sitting, temporary work, Christmas jobs, and seasonal positions, along with summer opportunities, which the job fairs are for. Representatives come to the college either by contacts from faculty members or ones the Placement Office has.

Back in 1986 Brewer aimed to try to increase the number of on-campus jobs.

“I saw that as a big help for students,” he said.

There was a coordinator with SERS, one for Office Services in the Placement and Co-Op Education Program, and an assistant director of Placement and Co-Op.

“I felt all students should intern or co-op, gain some practical experience before graduating,” said Brewer.

Brewer said staff members used to have to hunt for students.

“We spent quite a bit of time tracking down students for jobs. I encouraged students be a little more aggressive,” explained Brewer.

Since 1986 representatives from various companies such as Metropolitan Life, C & S Bank, and First Atlanta Corporation have been participating in on-campus recruitment, career days, and workshops conducted by the Placement Office.

Career Placement Services (CPS) assisted students and alumni with career exploration an decision making by providing career consultation, an availability of a career research library, current career position announcements, on-campus interviewing, referrals to employers for available positions, employer contacts, and workshops.

The SERS helped students looking for part-time, temporary, seasonal, or internship work. The Co-Op Program blended college study with periods of practical experience in a work setting relating to the student’s major or career field by providing students with hands-on experience in his or her chosen field of study, testing classroom theories in the work setting, evaluating career directions prior to graduation, and increasing career options after graduation while earning money to help meet college expenses.

The average salary for a student with a B.S. in Education, according to results taken from an alumni questionnaire in Dec. 1985 was $16,904. In the School of Arts and Sciences the average salery with an A.S. degree was $20,750 and in the School of Business the average for a student with an M.B.A. degree was $27,500.00. Surveys were mailed out during July to graduates from August 1984-June 1985.

Brewer said the Placement Office was working with area industries, business affiliations, and was active with the Chamber of Commerce even back then.

“We were trying to work with them and meet needs,” he said. “One student worked in the Roosevelt Institution and students also interned from hospitals, accounting firms, and banks typically one quarter, with many working during the summer.”

There was still a demand in the area of food service and workers with United Parcel Service (UPS).

“UPS was a big employer for us,” said Brewer. “It paid well, it was mostly labor work.”

There were 30-40 students in UPS in 1986 who made $7-$8 per hour.

“Students tried to find jobs not requiring more than 20 hours,” Brewer revealed.

According to Brewer, IBM employed the largest number of students from the University of West Georiga along with AT & T in ’86.

The “hot” jobs in that era were in computer science, math, and science.

“There were more science positions than there were people to go into them,” Brewer reported.

He predicted that the computer science field would get tighter and more competitive back then.

“Our co-op students were very competitive,” he said. “If you had no experience it was going to be tough.”

Brewer said History and Science majors were going to be have to be more flexible, a key word for many majors, along with English concentrations in 1986. Those majoring in physical education would find there was a big demand for early childhood daycare positions because of all the public kindergartens in the 80s.

Special Education was considered a “hot” job, too back then. In the area of Foreign Language, there was a shortage of people with specialties in 1986.

“It wouldn’t hurt people to have some foreign language background,” Brewer said. “If I were a student I’d definitely co-op. Experience is the key word.”

Why Some People Can't Get Sober
By Terri Rimmer
Published 01/3/2008
Religion & Spirituality
Rating: Unrated
Terri Rimmer
Terri Rimmer has 24 years of journalism experience, having worked for ten newspapers and some magazines. Currently she writes for http://associatedcontent.com. She has a daughter, McKenna, whom she placed for adoption in August 2000. Ms. Rimmer published her e-book "MacKenzie's Hope" on http://booklocker.com under the family heading. It's also listed on http://adopting.com. She resides in Fort Worth, TX. In 2007 she won a Media Award from Associated Content and in 2005 she received a grant from Change, Inc. In 2003.
View all articles by Terri Rimmer
Why Some People Can't Get Sober
There’s a scene in the 1988 movie “Clean and Sober” with Michael Keaton where a character cannot seem to get off alcohol.

In actual life, Mike, who has been to prison twice and rehab once, prefers panhandling to getting sober and the problem at his Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) group has gotten so bad that the steering committee recently had a meeting about his continually asking for money from members. Recently Mike went AWOL from a two-year treatment program and was back at the group panhandling again only this time no one is helping him. Everyone says they’re fed up. (Source: Southwest Group).

Michelle, who has also been in and out of the “program” of AA for years, takes advantage of her dying mother by living off of her and getting drunk off and on. As of now Michelle has two days sober.

Linda, also around AA for many years and a former paralegal in Miami, FL, has only recently gotten sober after experimenting with cocaine during her last relapse and losing everything. (Source: San Marco Group).

There are many theories as to why some people in AA get clean and sober and others don’t.

Certain members in the program say that if you enable the drunk he will not get sober and that he has to hit his bottom, meaning don’t interrupt his journey and let him face the consequences of his behavior. Others feel that you should help the alcoholic as much as you can.

On page 25 of the AA textbook, Alcoholics Anonymous, it is written that “If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution” meaning that it is all or nothing in the program when it comes to stopping drinking; that you must be willing to take the suggestions to stay stopped. The alcoholic who wants to stop drinking must have all the desperation of a dying man, according to the book. He or she get that when people keep bailing them out?

The other key is that the alcoholic must be willing to admit she is a real alcoholic, that is a person who has no choice in the matter of drink.

Lack of power, that was our dilemma, as stated on page 45 of the textbook. The alcoholic has no defense against the first drink and the problem of alcoholism centers in the mind. So the person who cannot stop drinking first has to admit that they have the problem and that they have no control over it. Perhaps that is another reason why people like Linda, Michelle, and Mike cannot stop drinking, because they are still living with the assumption that they can stop any time and they are in control. People die this way.

"It doesn’t matter why the jackass is in the ditch, just get him out of the ditch,” says Claudia, a long-time member of AA. “Some people don’t want to get sober. Some people just want a pack of Marlboros and a bucket of chicken.”

Still others struggle with the concept of God, or a Higher Power, which is talked about at length in the chapter “We Agnostics” but the beauty of the program is that you don’t have to believe in anyone’s God but your own conception of a power greater than yourself.

Roads to Recovery from Sexual Addiction
By Terri Rimmer
Published 01/3/2008
Dating & Relationships
Rating: Unrated
Terri Rimmer
Terri Rimmer has 24 years of journalism experience, having worked for ten newspapers and some magazines. Currently she writes for http://associatedcontent.com. She has a daughter, McKenna, whom she placed for adoption in August 2000. Ms. Rimmer published her e-book "MacKenzie's Hope" on http://booklocker.com under the family heading. It's also listed on http://adopting.com. She resides in Fort Worth, TX. In 2007 she won a Media Award from Associated Content and in 2005 she received a grant from Change, Inc. In 2003.
View all articles by Terri Rimmer
Roads to Recovery From Sexual Addiction
Do you know if you or someone you love has the symptoms of sexual dependency?

According to a a Sexual Dependency Program brochure from Coral Ridge Psychiatric Hospital in Ft. Lauderdale, FL behavior patterns of those suffering from sexual dependency may include but are not limited to multiple extramarital affairs and repeated incidents of sexual harassment among others.

“My sex addiction was not something that was easily talked about, and when I did talk about it I was told to ‘stop my denial process and concentrate on my allergy to alcohol.’ I was told time and again, ‘Don’t drink and go to (AA) meetings,’” says David R. “I became abstinent from alcohol. I am now experiencing a level of sobriety that in the past I could only have wished for. We who are recovering from the shame of sexual addiction are truly miracles.”

According to the now defunct Recovery Today Newspaper, in July 1992 sexual addiction treatment, per se, was not covered by insurance, but it was covered under the category of major depression. Accepted patients went through standard hospital admissions procedures an an assessment determined the actual level of care.

“Today I am choosing recovery from a sex addiction that has plaged me since I first started getting sober the first time in 1998. It has not been easy. In fact, it has been harder in some ways than stopping drinking and staying stopped. It has been been harder because of the underlying problems surrounding it; the lack of support from others who don’t understand the loneliness, struggle, and pain. With an addiction such as this one it is hard just to abstain because sex is part of life,” states Denise P.

Denise’s sex addiction began during treatment for alcholism when she switched one addiction for another. When the drug (alcohol) was taken away she statd that she was left with an empty hole inside of her that could not be filled, she said. She began a collision course with a very real addiction that almost led her to drink many times, she revealed. She slept with two different men while in treatment to get back at her boyfriend who wasn’t calling, writing, or visitng. Once out of treatment she engaged in a three-week fling with a divorced, practicing alcoholic and addict and didn’t go to support meetings during that period. It was a miracle, she said, she stayed sober. During that time she also lost one of her former foster moms to cancer.

“Shortly therafter I moved to California from Illinois,” says Denise. “I lived with my brother, also a recovering alcoholic who didn’t understand my sex addiction but because he was a therapist steered me to a meeting of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, a women’s group which gave me hope.”

But Denise was not ready to end her self-destructive cycle and continued to indulge in “binges” which left her feeling worthless and experiencing actual physical sickness, much like a real hangover, only without the alcohol, she explained.

"In short, I wasn’t ready to stop being used and victimized,” Denise said. “I continued to go to meetings and knew that everyone had their own control device. For some it was as simple as not picking up the phone. Others could go out on a date but that was it.”

Denise said that it wasn’t as simple as not having or having sex.

“It wasn’t realistic to ask people to abstain from something as natural as sex; each person set their own behavior limits based on the consequences of their past actions,” she said. “For me it was as simple as not picking up the phone. For me it always started there.”

Denise eventually stopped going to the group and got involved with a married man, a practicing addict. That relationship went on and off for two years and it was still a temptation in 2002, she said, though not as strong as it once was.

“When I think about the insanity of my behavior during that time I still cringe and hurt for what I put others around me through,” said Denise. “I rmember sending my brother home with a plate of food after inviting him to dinner because the married man had called at the spur of the moment and said he’d be over in five minutes.”

Denise reported that she would buy expensive food at the local Mom and Pop grocery on credit and spend hours preparing a full-course meal complete with dessert only to have the married man cancel on her at the last minute.

“Married men have a way of doing that,” she said. “One day I hid behind my own house form a man who I had been out with the night before. He had come back to see me because I wouldn’t talk to him on the phone. Rather than face him, it was easier to hide.”

After beating her head against the wall through various affairs, flings, relationships, and overall destructive behavior, Denise said she finally succumbed in August 2001 a day at time to “this horrible addiction which ultimately cost me jobs, living situations, money, relationships, friendships, and my health.”

“Today I have a reprieve from choosing victim behavior contingent on my spiritual condition,” she says. “I did not find the answers in Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) because I haven’t been back there in two years. But I did apply the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) to my sex addiction and found that it works! Through my Higher Power’s grace I know that I don’t have to allow myself to be used over and over again. Today I know I deserve more.”

Denise said it is not easy, especially when the loneliness kicks in.

“I constantly have to examine my motives and judge situations individually based on my point of reference or my past pain,” she noted. “It’s more ore less breaking the cycle of doing the same things and expecting different results.”

Denise said the fact that she was sexually abused from the time she was three years old until the age of 17 by her stepfather is directly linked to her addiction.

“But toady I am in therapy and through the 12 Steps of AA I do not have to let me past rob me of today,” she said. “And for that, I am extremely and eternally grateful.”



For help with a sex addiction, go to sexhelp.com.

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Are You Being Abused?

Whether it’s mental or physical, abuse takes a devastating toll on the life of the person who is being victimized. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, every day 4 women are murdered by their boyfriends or husbands. The DOJ also reports that domestic violence is the number one cause of emergency room visits by women. Here are three sure-fire signs that you are being abused in your relationship and three places you can turn to for help if it’s happening to you!

1. Constant Criticism – you are in a relationship where your man is consisting carping about your faults. The love is gone and it’s been replaced by a verbal barrage about everything that’s wrong with you. This is abuse.


2. Two Toms – your man Tom has two lives; the one he lives when he’s with you and the one when you’re not around. Increasingly, Tom spends more and more time in his life without you. When he’s with you, it’s hell. Bickering, resentment and tension makes your time together unbearable as if he only comes around so he can hurl verbal insults at you and abuse you. You are also completely excluded from the life he lives when you’re not around.


3. Condescending Comparisons – your man is constantly comparing you to other women. When he does it, you cringe. This is a sign of abuse.

If you’re in an abusive relationship, get help here!

1. S.A.F.E. or Stop Abusive for Everyone has a great website crammed with information on domestic violence and abuse - http://www.safe4all.org/resource-list/view/23118


2. www.HelpAbusedWomen.org – an awesome website chock full of information.


3. Assaulted Women’s Helpline – an organization that helps abused women throughout Canada. http://www.awhl.org/


by Tasha Joseph Cunningham