My Annual Birthday Letter to My Birth Daughter
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/8300545/annual_birthday_letter_to_my_birth.html?cat=25
Showing posts with label Articles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Articles. Show all posts
Sunday, January 11, 2009
9 tips for breaking a bad habit
02:05 PM CST on Sunday, January 11, 2009
McClatchy Newspapers
With New Year's resolutions still fresh, here's some advice from local therapists on putting bad habits to rest:
-- Make a list. Write down all of the reasons why you want to stop a certain behavior -- how it's hurting you and why getting rid of it will help. Look at that list often.
Associated Press The average smoker tries to quit about seven times before being successful. View larger More photos Photo store
-- Become more aware. Many habits are hard to break because they are unconscious impulses. Turn them into choices instead: Make a written or mental note every time you do something unwanted such as biting your nails or yelling at your kids.
-- Substitute other activities. It's easier to replace a bad habit than stop it. If you lose your temper often, for example, practice deep breathing or go for a walk.
-- Break it down. Think of the steps needed to shed a habit and tackle them one at a time. To stay motivated, keep your goals simple and realistic.
-- Reward yourself. Before you take on a bad habit, decide what you'll do to celebrate with every baby step you complete.
-- Remove temptations. If you overeat, keep junk food out of your house. If you crave cigarettes with coffee, switch to tea -- and avoid smoky bars or friends who light up.
-- Be patient. Bad habits develop over years, so you likely won't be able to ditch them immediately. The average smoker, in fact, tries to quit about seven times before being successful.
-- Find support. Tell family and friends about your goal. If there's a local or online support group for people with your problem, join it.
-- Get help for addictions. Some habits, particularly substance abuse and smoking, involve a real physical or emotional dependency and may require professional attention.
Alison Johnson, McClatchy
02:05 PM CST on Sunday, January 11, 2009
McClatchy Newspapers
With New Year's resolutions still fresh, here's some advice from local therapists on putting bad habits to rest:
-- Make a list. Write down all of the reasons why you want to stop a certain behavior -- how it's hurting you and why getting rid of it will help. Look at that list often.
Associated Press The average smoker tries to quit about seven times before being successful. View larger More photos Photo store
-- Become more aware. Many habits are hard to break because they are unconscious impulses. Turn them into choices instead: Make a written or mental note every time you do something unwanted such as biting your nails or yelling at your kids.
-- Substitute other activities. It's easier to replace a bad habit than stop it. If you lose your temper often, for example, practice deep breathing or go for a walk.
-- Break it down. Think of the steps needed to shed a habit and tackle them one at a time. To stay motivated, keep your goals simple and realistic.
-- Reward yourself. Before you take on a bad habit, decide what you'll do to celebrate with every baby step you complete.
-- Remove temptations. If you overeat, keep junk food out of your house. If you crave cigarettes with coffee, switch to tea -- and avoid smoky bars or friends who light up.
-- Be patient. Bad habits develop over years, so you likely won't be able to ditch them immediately. The average smoker, in fact, tries to quit about seven times before being successful.
-- Find support. Tell family and friends about your goal. If there's a local or online support group for people with your problem, join it.
-- Get help for addictions. Some habits, particularly substance abuse and smoking, involve a real physical or emotional dependency and may require professional attention.
Alison Johnson, McClatchy
Monday, December 15, 2008
The right name for bonus mom pays dividends
06:24 PM CST on Wednesday, December 10, 2008
By JANN BLACKSTONE-FORD and SHARYL JUPE
Bonus parents often ask us for alternative names for "Mom" or "Dad," and we always suggest that bonus families put their heads together and come up with a special name that means something to them as a family. A reader sent us a great story for how they did just that, and in the interest of "peace on Earth, good will toward everyone," we thought we would pass it on.
Question: My fiancé and I went on a beach trip 10 months into dating. He has one child who was 5 at the time. During the trip she started calling me "Mom." I assumed it was because we were filling mom-daughter roles while on vacation.
In the mornings I cooked breakfast and woke her up to eat. Afterward I helped her dress and made her brush her teeth. I was with her all through the day, and then at night I tucked her in and we stayed in the same room. I think this routine for the week we were vacationing became comfortable and she felt comfortable calling me Mom. My fiancé and I didn't correct her, but it continued.
Three months later at Halloween the child's bio-mom dropped her by so we could see her all dressed up for Halloween. While taking a picture with her bio-mom, she called out, "Now I want to take a picture with my other mom." It didn't go over well. I definitely understood her feelings, however, and was content choosing an alternate name, but what?
We struggled to find a suitable name. I didn't want to be "Mommy Joyce" because that's still calling me Mom -- and bio-mom didn't like that. I'm not her aunt or grandma, so the suggestions of Auntie or Nana seemed odd to me. We were getting increasingly irritated that we even had to deal with this issue, but I knew it was important.
About a month later my fiancé looked over at me and said, "What about Mare? Mare [pronounced Ma-Ray] means "ocean" in Italian. She first called you Mom when we were at the beach; it only seems appropriate." The name and the meaning behind it touched me, and I told him it was even better than being called Mom!
The name has gone over very well, and although I hear the occasional "Mom" that makes my heart flutter, we continue to gently encourage the use of my special name.
Answer: This is exactly what we mean when we say find a special name that means something to your family -- it doesn't have to be a variation of Mom or Dad, just something special to you. The reader reports that Mom was very grateful for their attempt to find another name and has just invited her to a "get to know each other" lunch. What better situation for a child than to be brought up witnessing her caregivers openly respect one another.
Ex-Etiquette is written by Jann Blackstone-Ford, Psy.D., and her husband's ex-wife, Sharyl Jupe. Reach them at ee@bonusfamilies.com.
06:24 PM CST on Wednesday, December 10, 2008
By JANN BLACKSTONE-FORD and SHARYL JUPE
Bonus parents often ask us for alternative names for "Mom" or "Dad," and we always suggest that bonus families put their heads together and come up with a special name that means something to them as a family. A reader sent us a great story for how they did just that, and in the interest of "peace on Earth, good will toward everyone," we thought we would pass it on.
Question: My fiancé and I went on a beach trip 10 months into dating. He has one child who was 5 at the time. During the trip she started calling me "Mom." I assumed it was because we were filling mom-daughter roles while on vacation.
In the mornings I cooked breakfast and woke her up to eat. Afterward I helped her dress and made her brush her teeth. I was with her all through the day, and then at night I tucked her in and we stayed in the same room. I think this routine for the week we were vacationing became comfortable and she felt comfortable calling me Mom. My fiancé and I didn't correct her, but it continued.
Three months later at Halloween the child's bio-mom dropped her by so we could see her all dressed up for Halloween. While taking a picture with her bio-mom, she called out, "Now I want to take a picture with my other mom." It didn't go over well. I definitely understood her feelings, however, and was content choosing an alternate name, but what?
We struggled to find a suitable name. I didn't want to be "Mommy Joyce" because that's still calling me Mom -- and bio-mom didn't like that. I'm not her aunt or grandma, so the suggestions of Auntie or Nana seemed odd to me. We were getting increasingly irritated that we even had to deal with this issue, but I knew it was important.
About a month later my fiancé looked over at me and said, "What about Mare? Mare [pronounced Ma-Ray] means "ocean" in Italian. She first called you Mom when we were at the beach; it only seems appropriate." The name and the meaning behind it touched me, and I told him it was even better than being called Mom!
The name has gone over very well, and although I hear the occasional "Mom" that makes my heart flutter, we continue to gently encourage the use of my special name.
Answer: This is exactly what we mean when we say find a special name that means something to your family -- it doesn't have to be a variation of Mom or Dad, just something special to you. The reader reports that Mom was very grateful for their attempt to find another name and has just invited her to a "get to know each other" lunch. What better situation for a child than to be brought up witnessing her caregivers openly respect one another.
Ex-Etiquette is written by Jann Blackstone-Ford, Psy.D., and her husband's ex-wife, Sharyl Jupe. Reach them at ee@bonusfamilies.com.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Butterflies
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Catch monarch migration in the Texas Hill Country
10:45 AM CDT on Friday, September 19, 2008
By MALECIA EL-AMIN / The Dallas Morning News
mel-amin@dallasnews.com
MARBLE FALLS, Texas -- If you want to get in touch with nature without roughing it, keep an eye out for orange and black in this Hill Country area.
The colors mean the monarch butterflies are back, taking a break on their southbound journey to Mexico.In nature, as in life, there are no guarantees. But the vanguard of the winged migrants usually arrives in Texas in late September and early October, with peak migration in mid-October.
Unless the butterflies rest in a greenbelt or garden near you, Balcones Canyonlands National Wildlife Refuge near Austin is a fairly reliable place for seeing them.
On Oct. 11, preceding National Wildlife Refuge Week (Oct. 12-19), Balcones plans a butterfly celebration among the day's activities. There will be an opportunity for visitors to catch monarchs in nets and tag them at Doeskin Ranch, near Balcones' headquarters.
The tags are used to monitor the migration. "They're like Social Security numbers," says Rob Iski, an outdoor recreation planner at the refuge.
Migrating monarchs travel 300 to 400 miles daily with tailwinds.
Also Online Millions of monarchs end up in Mexico
Texas Hill Country Travel Guide
"It's weather-dependent how far they can go," says Mr. Iski.
If the creatures hit a headwind, they rest and refuel with nectar from flowers.
Those who witness the migration are seeing something unusual. Because of the monarch's relatively short lifespan, "it's five or six generations making this annual cycle," says Mr. Iski. Those insects that start the trip are not those that finish it. The route and urge to travel are instinctive in each flier.
The 22,000-acre Balcones is one of five national wildlife refuges (two in Kansas, one each in Iowa and Florida) that make up the Monarch Butterfly Sister Protected Area Network. The coalition works on habitat preservation, research, public outreach and more. (Some monarchs spend winter in Florida and California.)
The Balcones refuge, which Mr. Iski says may see monarchs into November, has increased the likelihood of the stopovers by planting milkweed outside its headquarters. If you visit, you might be welcomed by monarch chrysalides (butterfly cocoons) hanging near the entrance.
"We just had no idea we were in this spot" for monarch migration, says refuge manager Deborah Holle.
When the weather cooperates, Ms. Holle says, thousands of monarchs flit about the refuge's flowers throughout the day, drinking nectar for their long migration to Mexico.
"At other times," she says, "the wind carries them high overhead and they don't stop at Balcones to nectar. Rather, we see them flying and gliding as spots of orange and black on their way south to their overwintering sites."
There's plenty to see if monarchs are scarce when you visit, or if you want to see the refuge at other times of year. Trails at Warbler Vista, part of the refuge, offer beautiful views. Shin Oak Observation Deck has a gazebo prime for watching birds, especially painted buntings in spring. They're one of about 200 species recorded at the refuge.
"We've actually had birds nesting near the deck," Ms. Holle says.
Information cards around the gazebo show visitors what they're seeing or might see: northern cardinal, black-capped vireo, yellow-breasted chat.
The Doeskin Ranch portion of Balcones is central to its kickoff for National Wildlife Refuge Week. In addition to the possibility of netting monarchs, nature walks and a photography workshop are planned.
Butterflies to birds and beyond, it all has a goal.
"If you can't get people to see wildlife, how are they going to love it?" Ms. Holle asks.
WHEN YOU GO
Getting there
To reach Balcones Canyonlands National Wildlife Refuge from Dallas, take I-35E South toward Waco to I-35. Exit 256 (Chandler Road/FM 1431) and turn right. Proceed for several miles. If you want to go to the reserve headquarters first (open Monday through Friday 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.), don't turn at the first refuge sign you see, which will be Warbler Vista. Keep going up the road until you see the rust-colored gates on your right.
National Wildlife Refuge Week
The kickoff event is from 8:30 a.m. to 4 p.m. Oct. 11 at the refuge's Doeskin Ranch on RR 1174. Groups must register. Most activities are free. Call Rob Iski at 512-339-9432, ext. 70.
More information
*Even if you can't make it to Balcones, you can monitor monarchs from your back yard. Contact Monarch Watch ( www.monarchwatch.org) for tagging kits.
*The Dallas County Lepidopterists' Society takes trips to see a variety of butterflies in North Texas. Contact: www.dallasbutterflies.com.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Catch monarch migration in the Texas Hill Country
10:45 AM CDT on Friday, September 19, 2008
By MALECIA EL-AMIN / The Dallas Morning News
mel-amin@dallasnews.com
MARBLE FALLS, Texas -- If you want to get in touch with nature without roughing it, keep an eye out for orange and black in this Hill Country area.
The colors mean the monarch butterflies are back, taking a break on their southbound journey to Mexico.In nature, as in life, there are no guarantees. But the vanguard of the winged migrants usually arrives in Texas in late September and early October, with peak migration in mid-October.
Unless the butterflies rest in a greenbelt or garden near you, Balcones Canyonlands National Wildlife Refuge near Austin is a fairly reliable place for seeing them.
On Oct. 11, preceding National Wildlife Refuge Week (Oct. 12-19), Balcones plans a butterfly celebration among the day's activities. There will be an opportunity for visitors to catch monarchs in nets and tag them at Doeskin Ranch, near Balcones' headquarters.
The tags are used to monitor the migration. "They're like Social Security numbers," says Rob Iski, an outdoor recreation planner at the refuge.
Migrating monarchs travel 300 to 400 miles daily with tailwinds.
Also Online Millions of monarchs end up in Mexico
Texas Hill Country Travel Guide
"It's weather-dependent how far they can go," says Mr. Iski.
If the creatures hit a headwind, they rest and refuel with nectar from flowers.
Those who witness the migration are seeing something unusual. Because of the monarch's relatively short lifespan, "it's five or six generations making this annual cycle," says Mr. Iski. Those insects that start the trip are not those that finish it. The route and urge to travel are instinctive in each flier.
The 22,000-acre Balcones is one of five national wildlife refuges (two in Kansas, one each in Iowa and Florida) that make up the Monarch Butterfly Sister Protected Area Network. The coalition works on habitat preservation, research, public outreach and more. (Some monarchs spend winter in Florida and California.)
The Balcones refuge, which Mr. Iski says may see monarchs into November, has increased the likelihood of the stopovers by planting milkweed outside its headquarters. If you visit, you might be welcomed by monarch chrysalides (butterfly cocoons) hanging near the entrance.
"We just had no idea we were in this spot" for monarch migration, says refuge manager Deborah Holle.
When the weather cooperates, Ms. Holle says, thousands of monarchs flit about the refuge's flowers throughout the day, drinking nectar for their long migration to Mexico.
"At other times," she says, "the wind carries them high overhead and they don't stop at Balcones to nectar. Rather, we see them flying and gliding as spots of orange and black on their way south to their overwintering sites."
There's plenty to see if monarchs are scarce when you visit, or if you want to see the refuge at other times of year. Trails at Warbler Vista, part of the refuge, offer beautiful views. Shin Oak Observation Deck has a gazebo prime for watching birds, especially painted buntings in spring. They're one of about 200 species recorded at the refuge.
"We've actually had birds nesting near the deck," Ms. Holle says.
Information cards around the gazebo show visitors what they're seeing or might see: northern cardinal, black-capped vireo, yellow-breasted chat.
The Doeskin Ranch portion of Balcones is central to its kickoff for National Wildlife Refuge Week. In addition to the possibility of netting monarchs, nature walks and a photography workshop are planned.
Butterflies to birds and beyond, it all has a goal.
"If you can't get people to see wildlife, how are they going to love it?" Ms. Holle asks.
WHEN YOU GO
Getting there
To reach Balcones Canyonlands National Wildlife Refuge from Dallas, take I-35E South toward Waco to I-35. Exit 256 (Chandler Road/FM 1431) and turn right. Proceed for several miles. If you want to go to the reserve headquarters first (open Monday through Friday 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.), don't turn at the first refuge sign you see, which will be Warbler Vista. Keep going up the road until you see the rust-colored gates on your right.
National Wildlife Refuge Week
The kickoff event is from 8:30 a.m. to 4 p.m. Oct. 11 at the refuge's Doeskin Ranch on RR 1174. Groups must register. Most activities are free. Call Rob Iski at 512-339-9432, ext. 70.
More information
*Even if you can't make it to Balcones, you can monitor monarchs from your back yard. Contact Monarch Watch ( www.monarchwatch.org) for tagging kits.
*The Dallas County Lepidopterists' Society takes trips to see a variety of butterflies in North Texas. Contact: www.dallasbutterflies.com.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Strategies to save on travel expenses
Here's one: Booking flight at last minute may be a loser
01:07 PM CST on Wednesday, February 20, 2008
The Boston Globe
Are you one of those people who waited till the last minute to book a flight, thinking you would snag a bargain airfare? You might wish you had heeded this from the United States Tour Operators Association:
"When it comes to airfare ... waiting for last-minute bargains, contrary to popular belief, does not guarantee the best price. Booking early will often help lock in the best price and the best routing."
That is one bit of advice that emerged when the association surveyed its members, who move more than 11 million vacationers yearly. Here are more hints and strategies:
*A strong euro means that a four-star hotel can cost $450 or more per night, and meals and sightseeing can cost more than you had counted on. Both Royal Caribbean and Celebrity Europe suggest looking for cruise-tour prices bundled in dollars at the time of purchase. That protects against further devaluation.
*Choose train travel over renting a car.
*Travel in the shoulder seasons (just before and after a destination's busiest time) to get value pricing.
*Look for discounts for children 17 and younger.
*With an escorted tour, more features are usually included in the package price than if you visited the same places on your own.
*A lower-priced tour may not always be the best buy, because it may not include as many features as another. Look for packages and tours that include as many meals as possible, because dining is one of the biggest expenses on the road.
The Boston Globe
Here's one: Booking flight at last minute may be a loser
01:07 PM CST on Wednesday, February 20, 2008
The Boston Globe
Are you one of those people who waited till the last minute to book a flight, thinking you would snag a bargain airfare? You might wish you had heeded this from the United States Tour Operators Association:
"When it comes to airfare ... waiting for last-minute bargains, contrary to popular belief, does not guarantee the best price. Booking early will often help lock in the best price and the best routing."
That is one bit of advice that emerged when the association surveyed its members, who move more than 11 million vacationers yearly. Here are more hints and strategies:
*A strong euro means that a four-star hotel can cost $450 or more per night, and meals and sightseeing can cost more than you had counted on. Both Royal Caribbean and Celebrity Europe suggest looking for cruise-tour prices bundled in dollars at the time of purchase. That protects against further devaluation.
*Choose train travel over renting a car.
*Travel in the shoulder seasons (just before and after a destination's busiest time) to get value pricing.
*Look for discounts for children 17 and younger.
*With an escorted tour, more features are usually included in the package price than if you visited the same places on your own.
*A lower-priced tour may not always be the best buy, because it may not include as many features as another. Look for packages and tours that include as many meals as possible, because dining is one of the biggest expenses on the road.
The Boston Globe
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Lovefraud Blog
Wake up to the danger of sociopaths
Jan. 24, 2008
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New blog posts
-- Ask Dr. Leedom: Are sociopaths (and psychopaths) vindictive?
-- Will you help others by recommending a professional resource?
-- After he's gone: Looking at the sociopath through open eyes
-- The psychopath's bewildering ways of talking
-- Aggression
-- Differentiating narcissists and psychopaths
Terri,
Because you've expressed an interest in Lovefraud, I'm sending you this update of our blog articles and discussions. If you do not wish to receive updates, you may unsubscribe by clicking the link at the bottom of this email.
Ask Dr. Leedom: Are sociopaths (and psychopaths) vindictive?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Liane Leedom explains what sociopaths really mean when they say, "I love you," and why, even though they don't really care about you, they turn vindictive when you leave. Read Ask Dr. Leedom: Are sociopaths (and psychopaths) vindictive?
Will you help others by recommending a professional resource?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Almost every day, someone calls Lovefraud asking for help--a therapist, a lawyer, an investigator. If you know a qualified professional--someone who gets it when it comes to dealing with sociopaths--will you help others by telling us who it is? Please contact us with your referral right away. Some other victim's sanity--or life--may depend on it.
Read: Will you help others by recommending a professional resource?
After he's gone: Looking at the sociopath through open eyes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While M. L. Gallagher was with the sociopath, she focused on coping with what he did. She did not focus on what she was doing--and that was the difference between living with abuse or freeing herself. Read After he's gone: Looking at the sociopath through open eyes
The psychopath's bewildering ways of talking
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Steve writes that psychopaths frequently make contradictory statements, construct strange words and talk in logical fallacies. He asks Lovefraud readers to supply examples of the bewildering speech of psychopaths--and a lively discussion ensued. Read The psychopath's bewildering ways of talking
Aggression
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New research seems to indicate that aggression can be as emotionally rewarding as food and sex, Dr. Steve writes. Many people who have tangled with a psychopath have learned to become more aggressive to protect themselves. Is there pleasure in it? Read Aggression
Differentiating narcissists and psychopaths
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a guest post, Steve Becker, LCSW, CH.T, explains that although narcissists and psychopaths behave in similar ways, the reasons for their behavior are different. Read Differentiating narcissists and psychopaths
Wake up to the danger of sociopaths
Jan. 24, 2008
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New blog posts
-- Ask Dr. Leedom: Are sociopaths (and psychopaths) vindictive?
-- Will you help others by recommending a professional resource?
-- After he's gone: Looking at the sociopath through open eyes
-- The psychopath's bewildering ways of talking
-- Aggression
-- Differentiating narcissists and psychopaths
Terri,
Because you've expressed an interest in Lovefraud, I'm sending you this update of our blog articles and discussions. If you do not wish to receive updates, you may unsubscribe by clicking the link at the bottom of this email.
Ask Dr. Leedom: Are sociopaths (and psychopaths) vindictive?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Liane Leedom explains what sociopaths really mean when they say, "I love you," and why, even though they don't really care about you, they turn vindictive when you leave. Read Ask Dr. Leedom: Are sociopaths (and psychopaths) vindictive?
Will you help others by recommending a professional resource?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Almost every day, someone calls Lovefraud asking for help--a therapist, a lawyer, an investigator. If you know a qualified professional--someone who gets it when it comes to dealing with sociopaths--will you help others by telling us who it is? Please contact us with your referral right away. Some other victim's sanity--or life--may depend on it.
Read: Will you help others by recommending a professional resource?
After he's gone: Looking at the sociopath through open eyes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While M. L. Gallagher was with the sociopath, she focused on coping with what he did. She did not focus on what she was doing--and that was the difference between living with abuse or freeing herself. Read After he's gone: Looking at the sociopath through open eyes
The psychopath's bewildering ways of talking
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Steve writes that psychopaths frequently make contradictory statements, construct strange words and talk in logical fallacies. He asks Lovefraud readers to supply examples of the bewildering speech of psychopaths--and a lively discussion ensued. Read The psychopath's bewildering ways of talking
Aggression
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New research seems to indicate that aggression can be as emotionally rewarding as food and sex, Dr. Steve writes. Many people who have tangled with a psychopath have learned to become more aggressive to protect themselves. Is there pleasure in it? Read Aggression
Differentiating narcissists and psychopaths
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a guest post, Steve Becker, LCSW, CH.T, explains that although narcissists and psychopaths behave in similar ways, the reasons for their behavior are different. Read Differentiating narcissists and psychopaths
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Wake up to the danger of sociopaths
Jan. 16, 2008
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New blog posts
-- Ask Dr. Leedom: Are there psychological tactics for dealing with a psychopath?
-- Nothing says "I'm sexy" like an automatic weapon
-- What the sociopath experience has taught me
-- Book Review: The Other Mrs. Jordan
-- (Given what you've learned the hard way) what's your attitude like?
-- Married man sleeps with 13 women in a week
-- Letters to Lovefraud: He wanted me to keep playing his bitch
-- Undoing the riddle of the sociopath
-- Worst-case scenarios at the Battered Women conference
Terri,
Thank you for your interest in Lovefraud.com. If you do not wish to receive updates, you may unsubscribe by clicking the link at the bottom at this e- mail.
Ask Dr. Leedom: Are there psychological tactics for dealing with a psychopath?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A reader asks if there are tools and strategies for staying ahead of a psychopath. Dr. Leedom answers that there are only two legitimate reasons for involvement with psychopaths, and tells what you must always keep in mind in dealing with them. Read Ask Dr. Leedom: Are there psychological tactics for dealing with a psychopath?
Nothing says "I'm sexy" like an automatic weapon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not long ago, Arizona's Miss Desert Sun 2006 posed for the Subguns.com catalog in a black vinyl bikini holding an automatic weapon--see the photo on Lovefraud. In December, she was arrested for holding her ex-boyfriend captive. Read: Nothing says "I'm sexy" like an automatic weapon
What the sociopath experience has taught me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
M. L. Gallagher recently had a run-in with someone who had the traits of a bully. Because of her experience with the sociopath, she knew what to do. Read What the sociopath experience has taught me
Book Review: The Other Mrs. Jordan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary Turner Thomson of Scotland wrote a book about her relationship with a bigamous sociopath. If you want to know how con artists do it, or if you want your own experience validated, it's must reading. Read Book Review: The Other Mrs. Jordan
(Given what you've learned the hard way) what's your attitude like?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you've had a nasty encounter with a sociopath, there is a danger that you could become jaded. Dr. Steve asks about your attitude, which sparked a lively discussion among Lovefraud readers. Read (Given what you've learned the hard way) what's your attitude like?
Married man sleeps with 13 women in a week
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a letter to Dr. Gail Schultz on the Today Show website, a married man said that even though his wife is beautiful and intelligent, and they have a great sex life, he cheats incessantly. Dr. Schultz's reply broke new ground when it comes to sociopaths and the media. Read Married man sleeps with 13 women in a week
Letters to Lovefraud: He wanted me to keep playing his bitch
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A 24-year-old graduate student tells about her relationship with a sociopath. The abuse started slowly, but then spiraled downward into dangerous sexual demands. Read Letters to Lovefraud: He wanted me to keep playing his bitch
Undoing the riddle of the sociopath
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
M.L. Gallagher describes how her relationship with a sociopath was like living a riddle. Following his misdirection, she didn't see what he was really doing--which is a typical sociopathic ploy. Read Undoing the riddle of the sociopath
Worst-case scenarios at the Battered Women conference
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lovefraud attended the Battered Women, Abused Children and Child Custody conference in Albany, N.Y. Many of the women there had lost custody of their children to abusive partners. The consensus: America's family court system is broken. Read Worst-case scenarios at the Battered Women conference
Jan. 16, 2008
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New blog posts
-- Ask Dr. Leedom: Are there psychological tactics for dealing with a psychopath?
-- Nothing says "I'm sexy" like an automatic weapon
-- What the sociopath experience has taught me
-- Book Review: The Other Mrs. Jordan
-- (Given what you've learned the hard way) what's your attitude like?
-- Married man sleeps with 13 women in a week
-- Letters to Lovefraud: He wanted me to keep playing his bitch
-- Undoing the riddle of the sociopath
-- Worst-case scenarios at the Battered Women conference
Terri,
Thank you for your interest in Lovefraud.com. If you do not wish to receive updates, you may unsubscribe by clicking the link at the bottom at this e- mail.
Ask Dr. Leedom: Are there psychological tactics for dealing with a psychopath?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A reader asks if there are tools and strategies for staying ahead of a psychopath. Dr. Leedom answers that there are only two legitimate reasons for involvement with psychopaths, and tells what you must always keep in mind in dealing with them. Read Ask Dr. Leedom: Are there psychological tactics for dealing with a psychopath?
Nothing says "I'm sexy" like an automatic weapon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not long ago, Arizona's Miss Desert Sun 2006 posed for the Subguns.com catalog in a black vinyl bikini holding an automatic weapon--see the photo on Lovefraud. In December, she was arrested for holding her ex-boyfriend captive. Read: Nothing says "I'm sexy" like an automatic weapon
What the sociopath experience has taught me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
M. L. Gallagher recently had a run-in with someone who had the traits of a bully. Because of her experience with the sociopath, she knew what to do. Read What the sociopath experience has taught me
Book Review: The Other Mrs. Jordan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary Turner Thomson of Scotland wrote a book about her relationship with a bigamous sociopath. If you want to know how con artists do it, or if you want your own experience validated, it's must reading. Read Book Review: The Other Mrs. Jordan
(Given what you've learned the hard way) what's your attitude like?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you've had a nasty encounter with a sociopath, there is a danger that you could become jaded. Dr. Steve asks about your attitude, which sparked a lively discussion among Lovefraud readers. Read (Given what you've learned the hard way) what's your attitude like?
Married man sleeps with 13 women in a week
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a letter to Dr. Gail Schultz on the Today Show website, a married man said that even though his wife is beautiful and intelligent, and they have a great sex life, he cheats incessantly. Dr. Schultz's reply broke new ground when it comes to sociopaths and the media. Read Married man sleeps with 13 women in a week
Letters to Lovefraud: He wanted me to keep playing his bitch
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A 24-year-old graduate student tells about her relationship with a sociopath. The abuse started slowly, but then spiraled downward into dangerous sexual demands. Read Letters to Lovefraud: He wanted me to keep playing his bitch
Undoing the riddle of the sociopath
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
M.L. Gallagher describes how her relationship with a sociopath was like living a riddle. Following his misdirection, she didn't see what he was really doing--which is a typical sociopathic ploy. Read Undoing the riddle of the sociopath
Worst-case scenarios at the Battered Women conference
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lovefraud attended the Battered Women, Abused Children and Child Custody conference in Albany, N.Y. Many of the women there had lost custody of their children to abusive partners. The consensus: America's family court system is broken. Read Worst-case scenarios at the Battered Women conference
Friday, January 11, 2008
juicy bits
The Condensed Tom Cruise
Slate reads the new Tom Cruise bio so you don't have to.
By Juliet Lapidos
Posted Friday, Jan. 11, 2008, at 2:04 PM ET
How dubious is Andrew Morton's long-awaited Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography? Well, the book is not for sale in the United Kingdom, due to that country's libel laws; and it's rumored that Scientology lawyers are already drawing up a suit against Morton's publisher, St. Martin's Press. If you're craving the inside (and blatantly unsubstantiated) scoop on Tom's private life, follow Slate's handy guide straight to the good parts.
Inside the Actor's Closet
Ever since that ridiculously homoerotic volleyball scene in Top Gun, the world has wondered about Tom Cruise's sexuality. But Andrew Morton's Tom is a hot-blooded heterosexual.
Page 13: One of Tom's first girlfriends, Carol Trumpler, still gets "misty-eyed" when she remembers her brief dalliance with the future star: "He was a very good kisser, very much at ease with it all. But what do you know at eleven?" Sadly for Carol, Tom moved on pretty quick. "I was trying to be a good girl, and when I didn't give in to his ways he moved on."
Page 68: Remember the sex-on-a-train scene in Risky Business? Morton alleges that "while Tom and Rebecca [De Mornay] were nervous before playing the scene, those who snuck onto the closed set are convinced that the answer to the question of 'did they, didn't they' really get it on on camera is a firm yes."
Page 195: High-school girlfriend Diane Van Zoeren doesn't give any credence to the "Tom is gay" rumor: "I don't get it. I find these stories just hard to believe. We romanced in my dad's Oldsmobile doing what you are not supposed to."
Page 34: Nancy Armel, another high-school flame, also remembers fooling around in a parked car. She told Morton: "I was black and blue from the gearshift."
Page 65: Tom tried to impress Nancy by taking her to the Broadway musical La Cage aux Folles, but he "was unaware of the story line—about two gay men living together in St. Tropez." According to Nancy, "he couldn't handle it. We had to leave before the intermission. It really bothered him. He was definitely homophobic."
Page 195: Morton claims that "Tom was uncomfortable around gay men. Those who saw him in the company of some of Nicole [Kidman's] gay friends, who included designer John Galliano, noticed that he was awkward and ill at ease, much preferring the company of jocks who talked about football rather than fashion."
Courtly Knight/Night Stalker
Page 259: Just one day after Sofía Vergara met Tom, Morton says the Colombian actress "faced a blizzard of phone calls, text messages, and e-mails." Tom also "sent her flowers, notes, and chocolates."
Page 263: Eventually, Sofía got freaked out by Tom's attentiveness and his faith. When Tom arranged for a trip to Clearwater, the Scientology center in Florida, she allegedly "stood him up, packing a bag and 'disappearing' for a few days." Tom, however, wouldn't let up: "For five days he left messages and texts, but she resolutely refused to return his calls."
Page 145: During their courtship phase, Tom sent Nicole Kidman "flowers, usually red roses, almost daily."
Page 157: Tom's romancing didn't stop with clichéd flora; he also had a way with words. Morton claims that "one householder in Toronto who rented her house to the Cruises was bemused to find several love notes in her sofa cushions when she moved back in. At first she thought her husband was being uncharacteristically affectionate. Then she realized they were penned by Tom."
Page 166: Tom was always asking, "Where is Nic?" An unnamed insider confirms that he was "a control freak, certainly. … He was always checking up on Nic especially."
Free Katie!
Page 278: Allegedly, Katie signed a Scientology contract that fundamentally changed her "human rights and those of her future children, requiring that if she or any of her children were ever to suffer from mental or terminal illness, they must turn only to Scientology's treatments. She must never use psychiatric care or psychiatric drugs."
Page 290-291: Morton repeats the sketchy tabloid rumors that Tom "bought a fetus learning system that was strapped to Katie's stomach" and that he "fitted Katie's cell phone with a tracking device so that he would know where she was day and night."
Page 289: Without naming his sources, Morton spins the following yarn: "Some [Scientology] sect members sincerely believed that Katie Holmes was carrying the baby who would be the vessel for L. Ron Hubbard's spirit when he returned from his trip around the galaxy. True believers were convinced that Tom's spawn would be the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard. Some Sea Org fanatics even wondered if the actress had been impregnated with Hubbard's frozen sperm." How'd Katie feel about all this? Morton puts his intuitive powers to the test to produce this gem: "Katie might have felt as if she were in the middle of a real-life version of the horror movie Rosemary's Baby, in which an unsuspecting young woman is impregnated with the Devil's child."
Operating Thetan
Page 109: Scriptwriter and onetime Scientologist Skip Press conjectures that Tom's first wife, Mimi Rogers, "made a play for Tom with the primary intention of bringing him into the [Scientology] cult and leapfrogging over him to an acting career."
Page 123: When Tom accepted an invitation to the Scientology Gold Base in the California desert, head honcho David Miscavige allegedly announced to his staff: "The most important recruit ever is in the process of being secured. His arrival will change the face of Scientology forever."
Page 153-154: Tom and Nicole shared a "fantasy of running through a meadow of wildflowers together." Eager to please his recruit, Miscavige "decided to make his dream come true. A team of twenty Sea Org disciples was set to work digging, hoeing, and planting wheat grass and wildflower seed near the Cruises' bungalow. Former Scientologist Maureen Bolstad recalled working until early in the morning in the mud and pouring rain." Sounds implausible, but Morton quotes another former Scientologist, Karen Pressley, as saying: "the story of the meadow for Tom and Nicole is absolutely true. I was there."
Page 171-172: By 1993, Morton says Tom "progressed to what Scientologists call 'the Wall of Fire,' or Operating Thetan III, where the secrets of the universe according to Hubbard [are] revealed." Allegedly, "Tom found the knowledge he had just received disturbing and alarming, as he struggled to reconcile the creationist myth with the more practical teachings contained in the lower levels of Scientology. … It was recalled that around this time relations became 'ugly' between David Miscavige and the Hollywood actor, Tom complaining that he had studied all these years and the whole faith was about space aliens."
Page 250: Tom's disenchantment didn't last long. Morton writes that by 2004, Tom "reached the exalted level of Operating Thetan VII, where Hubbard promised that man would become his own god." What's level VII like? According to former Scientologist Peter Alexander, "You believe that all your problems are due to these thetans. So when you come back into reality, you're like, 'Wow, this is a nice day, my dog's been killed but that doesn't matter, I realize that I am a being who has lived endlessly contacting all those long-lost body thetans. So nothing is really a problem.'"
Juliet Lapidos is a Slate editorial assistant.
Article URL: http://www.slate.com/id/2181858/
Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC
The Condensed Tom Cruise
Slate reads the new Tom Cruise bio so you don't have to.
By Juliet Lapidos
Posted Friday, Jan. 11, 2008, at 2:04 PM ET
How dubious is Andrew Morton's long-awaited Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography? Well, the book is not for sale in the United Kingdom, due to that country's libel laws; and it's rumored that Scientology lawyers are already drawing up a suit against Morton's publisher, St. Martin's Press. If you're craving the inside (and blatantly unsubstantiated) scoop on Tom's private life, follow Slate's handy guide straight to the good parts.
Inside the Actor's Closet
Ever since that ridiculously homoerotic volleyball scene in Top Gun, the world has wondered about Tom Cruise's sexuality. But Andrew Morton's Tom is a hot-blooded heterosexual.
Page 13: One of Tom's first girlfriends, Carol Trumpler, still gets "misty-eyed" when she remembers her brief dalliance with the future star: "He was a very good kisser, very much at ease with it all. But what do you know at eleven?" Sadly for Carol, Tom moved on pretty quick. "I was trying to be a good girl, and when I didn't give in to his ways he moved on."
Page 68: Remember the sex-on-a-train scene in Risky Business? Morton alleges that "while Tom and Rebecca [De Mornay] were nervous before playing the scene, those who snuck onto the closed set are convinced that the answer to the question of 'did they, didn't they' really get it on on camera is a firm yes."
Page 195: High-school girlfriend Diane Van Zoeren doesn't give any credence to the "Tom is gay" rumor: "I don't get it. I find these stories just hard to believe. We romanced in my dad's Oldsmobile doing what you are not supposed to."
Page 34: Nancy Armel, another high-school flame, also remembers fooling around in a parked car. She told Morton: "I was black and blue from the gearshift."
Page 65: Tom tried to impress Nancy by taking her to the Broadway musical La Cage aux Folles, but he "was unaware of the story line—about two gay men living together in St. Tropez." According to Nancy, "he couldn't handle it. We had to leave before the intermission. It really bothered him. He was definitely homophobic."
Page 195: Morton claims that "Tom was uncomfortable around gay men. Those who saw him in the company of some of Nicole [Kidman's] gay friends, who included designer John Galliano, noticed that he was awkward and ill at ease, much preferring the company of jocks who talked about football rather than fashion."
Courtly Knight/Night Stalker
Page 259: Just one day after Sofía Vergara met Tom, Morton says the Colombian actress "faced a blizzard of phone calls, text messages, and e-mails." Tom also "sent her flowers, notes, and chocolates."
Page 263: Eventually, Sofía got freaked out by Tom's attentiveness and his faith. When Tom arranged for a trip to Clearwater, the Scientology center in Florida, she allegedly "stood him up, packing a bag and 'disappearing' for a few days." Tom, however, wouldn't let up: "For five days he left messages and texts, but she resolutely refused to return his calls."
Page 145: During their courtship phase, Tom sent Nicole Kidman "flowers, usually red roses, almost daily."
Page 157: Tom's romancing didn't stop with clichéd flora; he also had a way with words. Morton claims that "one householder in Toronto who rented her house to the Cruises was bemused to find several love notes in her sofa cushions when she moved back in. At first she thought her husband was being uncharacteristically affectionate. Then she realized they were penned by Tom."
Page 166: Tom was always asking, "Where is Nic?" An unnamed insider confirms that he was "a control freak, certainly. … He was always checking up on Nic especially."
Free Katie!
Page 278: Allegedly, Katie signed a Scientology contract that fundamentally changed her "human rights and those of her future children, requiring that if she or any of her children were ever to suffer from mental or terminal illness, they must turn only to Scientology's treatments. She must never use psychiatric care or psychiatric drugs."
Page 290-291: Morton repeats the sketchy tabloid rumors that Tom "bought a fetus learning system that was strapped to Katie's stomach" and that he "fitted Katie's cell phone with a tracking device so that he would know where she was day and night."
Page 289: Without naming his sources, Morton spins the following yarn: "Some [Scientology] sect members sincerely believed that Katie Holmes was carrying the baby who would be the vessel for L. Ron Hubbard's spirit when he returned from his trip around the galaxy. True believers were convinced that Tom's spawn would be the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard. Some Sea Org fanatics even wondered if the actress had been impregnated with Hubbard's frozen sperm." How'd Katie feel about all this? Morton puts his intuitive powers to the test to produce this gem: "Katie might have felt as if she were in the middle of a real-life version of the horror movie Rosemary's Baby, in which an unsuspecting young woman is impregnated with the Devil's child."
Operating Thetan
Page 109: Scriptwriter and onetime Scientologist Skip Press conjectures that Tom's first wife, Mimi Rogers, "made a play for Tom with the primary intention of bringing him into the [Scientology] cult and leapfrogging over him to an acting career."
Page 123: When Tom accepted an invitation to the Scientology Gold Base in the California desert, head honcho David Miscavige allegedly announced to his staff: "The most important recruit ever is in the process of being secured. His arrival will change the face of Scientology forever."
Page 153-154: Tom and Nicole shared a "fantasy of running through a meadow of wildflowers together." Eager to please his recruit, Miscavige "decided to make his dream come true. A team of twenty Sea Org disciples was set to work digging, hoeing, and planting wheat grass and wildflower seed near the Cruises' bungalow. Former Scientologist Maureen Bolstad recalled working until early in the morning in the mud and pouring rain." Sounds implausible, but Morton quotes another former Scientologist, Karen Pressley, as saying: "the story of the meadow for Tom and Nicole is absolutely true. I was there."
Page 171-172: By 1993, Morton says Tom "progressed to what Scientologists call 'the Wall of Fire,' or Operating Thetan III, where the secrets of the universe according to Hubbard [are] revealed." Allegedly, "Tom found the knowledge he had just received disturbing and alarming, as he struggled to reconcile the creationist myth with the more practical teachings contained in the lower levels of Scientology. … It was recalled that around this time relations became 'ugly' between David Miscavige and the Hollywood actor, Tom complaining that he had studied all these years and the whole faith was about space aliens."
Page 250: Tom's disenchantment didn't last long. Morton writes that by 2004, Tom "reached the exalted level of Operating Thetan VII, where Hubbard promised that man would become his own god." What's level VII like? According to former Scientologist Peter Alexander, "You believe that all your problems are due to these thetans. So when you come back into reality, you're like, 'Wow, this is a nice day, my dog's been killed but that doesn't matter, I realize that I am a being who has lived endlessly contacting all those long-lost body thetans. So nothing is really a problem.'"
Juliet Lapidos is a Slate editorial assistant.
Article URL: http://www.slate.com/id/2181858/
Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Students Who Work Some are More Organized
By Terri Rimmer
Published 01/3/2008
Making Money
Rating: Unrated
Terri Rimmer
Terri Rimmer has 24 years of journalism experience, having worked for ten newspapers and some magazines. Currently she writes for http://associatedcontent.com. She has a daughter, McKenna, whom she placed for adoption in August 2000. Ms. Rimmer published her e-book "MacKenzie's Hope" on http://booklocker.com under the family heading. It's also listed on http://adopting.com. She resides in Fort Worth, TX. In 2007 she won a Media Award from Associated Content and in 2005 she received a grant from Change, Inc. In 2003.
View all articles by Terri Rimmer
Students Who Work Some are More Organized
According to studies, college students who work between eight to ten hours a week tend to be more efficient and spend their free time more wisely. (Source: phy.ilstu.edu).
Back in 1986, now Director of Career Services Bruce Brewer said that students who get caught up in academics often don’t take the time to look for jobs. (Source: University of West Georgia). At the time Brewer was director of placement and co-op education at the school, which back then only had approximately 1,800 students and was a college before becoming a university.
Brewer has so much to offer students who are job-seeking.
“In looking for a job, it’s an easy thing to put off,” said Brewer. “We encouraged all seniors (back then) within three quarters of graduation to come by and get set up at the Placement Office.”
There were three components to the office in ‘86 – Student Employment Referral Service (SERS), which dealt with off-campus employments such as fast food or secretarial work; Co-Operative Education, whereby students could get practical work experience in fields they were interested in, and Career Placement Service, when the people involved in the service work with seniors graduating, teach them to write resumes, interview, and talk with employers when they come to the college.
“We had good responses from the programs,” Brewer said. “Sometimes we already had the jobs.
Brewer also stated that sometimes Co-Ops (studnets working their chosen fields while going to school, had positions before graduating because of the contacts they made while in school.
Some students did internships through the Governor’s Intern Program.
“Many thought Co-Op would lengthen school for them but it only extended it a quarter. If it did lengthen it, it’d be worth it,” said Brewer. “Our biggest problem was getting enough students in. We had more jobs than students.”
The Placement Office helped with baby-sitting, temporary work, Christmas jobs, and seasonal positions, along with summer opportunities, which the job fairs are for. Representatives come to the college either by contacts from faculty members or ones the Placement Office has.
Back in 1986 Brewer aimed to try to increase the number of on-campus jobs.
“I saw that as a big help for students,” he said.
There was a coordinator with SERS, one for Office Services in the Placement and Co-Op Education Program, and an assistant director of Placement and Co-Op.
“I felt all students should intern or co-op, gain some practical experience before graduating,” said Brewer.
Brewer said staff members used to have to hunt for students.
“We spent quite a bit of time tracking down students for jobs. I encouraged students be a little more aggressive,” explained Brewer.
Since 1986 representatives from various companies such as Metropolitan Life, C & S Bank, and First Atlanta Corporation have been participating in on-campus recruitment, career days, and workshops conducted by the Placement Office.
Career Placement Services (CPS) assisted students and alumni with career exploration an decision making by providing career consultation, an availability of a career research library, current career position announcements, on-campus interviewing, referrals to employers for available positions, employer contacts, and workshops.
The SERS helped students looking for part-time, temporary, seasonal, or internship work. The Co-Op Program blended college study with periods of practical experience in a work setting relating to the student’s major or career field by providing students with hands-on experience in his or her chosen field of study, testing classroom theories in the work setting, evaluating career directions prior to graduation, and increasing career options after graduation while earning money to help meet college expenses.
The average salary for a student with a B.S. in Education, according to results taken from an alumni questionnaire in Dec. 1985 was $16,904. In the School of Arts and Sciences the average salery with an A.S. degree was $20,750 and in the School of Business the average for a student with an M.B.A. degree was $27,500.00. Surveys were mailed out during July to graduates from August 1984-June 1985.
Brewer said the Placement Office was working with area industries, business affiliations, and was active with the Chamber of Commerce even back then.
“We were trying to work with them and meet needs,” he said. “One student worked in the Roosevelt Institution and students also interned from hospitals, accounting firms, and banks typically one quarter, with many working during the summer.”
There was still a demand in the area of food service and workers with United Parcel Service (UPS).
“UPS was a big employer for us,” said Brewer. “It paid well, it was mostly labor work.”
There were 30-40 students in UPS in 1986 who made $7-$8 per hour.
“Students tried to find jobs not requiring more than 20 hours,” Brewer revealed.
According to Brewer, IBM employed the largest number of students from the University of West Georiga along with AT & T in ’86.
The “hot” jobs in that era were in computer science, math, and science.
“There were more science positions than there were people to go into them,” Brewer reported.
He predicted that the computer science field would get tighter and more competitive back then.
“Our co-op students were very competitive,” he said. “If you had no experience it was going to be tough.”
Brewer said History and Science majors were going to be have to be more flexible, a key word for many majors, along with English concentrations in 1986. Those majoring in physical education would find there was a big demand for early childhood daycare positions because of all the public kindergartens in the 80s.
Special Education was considered a “hot” job, too back then. In the area of Foreign Language, there was a shortage of people with specialties in 1986.
“It wouldn’t hurt people to have some foreign language background,” Brewer said. “If I were a student I’d definitely co-op. Experience is the key word.”
By Terri Rimmer
Published 01/3/2008
Making Money
Rating: Unrated
Terri Rimmer
Terri Rimmer has 24 years of journalism experience, having worked for ten newspapers and some magazines. Currently she writes for http://associatedcontent.com. She has a daughter, McKenna, whom she placed for adoption in August 2000. Ms. Rimmer published her e-book "MacKenzie's Hope" on http://booklocker.com under the family heading. It's also listed on http://adopting.com. She resides in Fort Worth, TX. In 2007 she won a Media Award from Associated Content and in 2005 she received a grant from Change, Inc. In 2003.
View all articles by Terri Rimmer
Students Who Work Some are More Organized
According to studies, college students who work between eight to ten hours a week tend to be more efficient and spend their free time more wisely. (Source: phy.ilstu.edu).
Back in 1986, now Director of Career Services Bruce Brewer said that students who get caught up in academics often don’t take the time to look for jobs. (Source: University of West Georgia). At the time Brewer was director of placement and co-op education at the school, which back then only had approximately 1,800 students and was a college before becoming a university.
Brewer has so much to offer students who are job-seeking.
“In looking for a job, it’s an easy thing to put off,” said Brewer. “We encouraged all seniors (back then) within three quarters of graduation to come by and get set up at the Placement Office.”
There were three components to the office in ‘86 – Student Employment Referral Service (SERS), which dealt with off-campus employments such as fast food or secretarial work; Co-Operative Education, whereby students could get practical work experience in fields they were interested in, and Career Placement Service, when the people involved in the service work with seniors graduating, teach them to write resumes, interview, and talk with employers when they come to the college.
“We had good responses from the programs,” Brewer said. “Sometimes we already had the jobs.
Brewer also stated that sometimes Co-Ops (studnets working their chosen fields while going to school, had positions before graduating because of the contacts they made while in school.
Some students did internships through the Governor’s Intern Program.
“Many thought Co-Op would lengthen school for them but it only extended it a quarter. If it did lengthen it, it’d be worth it,” said Brewer. “Our biggest problem was getting enough students in. We had more jobs than students.”
The Placement Office helped with baby-sitting, temporary work, Christmas jobs, and seasonal positions, along with summer opportunities, which the job fairs are for. Representatives come to the college either by contacts from faculty members or ones the Placement Office has.
Back in 1986 Brewer aimed to try to increase the number of on-campus jobs.
“I saw that as a big help for students,” he said.
There was a coordinator with SERS, one for Office Services in the Placement and Co-Op Education Program, and an assistant director of Placement and Co-Op.
“I felt all students should intern or co-op, gain some practical experience before graduating,” said Brewer.
Brewer said staff members used to have to hunt for students.
“We spent quite a bit of time tracking down students for jobs. I encouraged students be a little more aggressive,” explained Brewer.
Since 1986 representatives from various companies such as Metropolitan Life, C & S Bank, and First Atlanta Corporation have been participating in on-campus recruitment, career days, and workshops conducted by the Placement Office.
Career Placement Services (CPS) assisted students and alumni with career exploration an decision making by providing career consultation, an availability of a career research library, current career position announcements, on-campus interviewing, referrals to employers for available positions, employer contacts, and workshops.
The SERS helped students looking for part-time, temporary, seasonal, or internship work. The Co-Op Program blended college study with periods of practical experience in a work setting relating to the student’s major or career field by providing students with hands-on experience in his or her chosen field of study, testing classroom theories in the work setting, evaluating career directions prior to graduation, and increasing career options after graduation while earning money to help meet college expenses.
The average salary for a student with a B.S. in Education, according to results taken from an alumni questionnaire in Dec. 1985 was $16,904. In the School of Arts and Sciences the average salery with an A.S. degree was $20,750 and in the School of Business the average for a student with an M.B.A. degree was $27,500.00. Surveys were mailed out during July to graduates from August 1984-June 1985.
Brewer said the Placement Office was working with area industries, business affiliations, and was active with the Chamber of Commerce even back then.
“We were trying to work with them and meet needs,” he said. “One student worked in the Roosevelt Institution and students also interned from hospitals, accounting firms, and banks typically one quarter, with many working during the summer.”
There was still a demand in the area of food service and workers with United Parcel Service (UPS).
“UPS was a big employer for us,” said Brewer. “It paid well, it was mostly labor work.”
There were 30-40 students in UPS in 1986 who made $7-$8 per hour.
“Students tried to find jobs not requiring more than 20 hours,” Brewer revealed.
According to Brewer, IBM employed the largest number of students from the University of West Georiga along with AT & T in ’86.
The “hot” jobs in that era were in computer science, math, and science.
“There were more science positions than there were people to go into them,” Brewer reported.
He predicted that the computer science field would get tighter and more competitive back then.
“Our co-op students were very competitive,” he said. “If you had no experience it was going to be tough.”
Brewer said History and Science majors were going to be have to be more flexible, a key word for many majors, along with English concentrations in 1986. Those majoring in physical education would find there was a big demand for early childhood daycare positions because of all the public kindergartens in the 80s.
Special Education was considered a “hot” job, too back then. In the area of Foreign Language, there was a shortage of people with specialties in 1986.
“It wouldn’t hurt people to have some foreign language background,” Brewer said. “If I were a student I’d definitely co-op. Experience is the key word.”
Why Some People Can't Get Sober
By Terri Rimmer
Published 01/3/2008
Religion & Spirituality
Rating: Unrated
Terri Rimmer
Terri Rimmer has 24 years of journalism experience, having worked for ten newspapers and some magazines. Currently she writes for http://associatedcontent.com. She has a daughter, McKenna, whom she placed for adoption in August 2000. Ms. Rimmer published her e-book "MacKenzie's Hope" on http://booklocker.com under the family heading. It's also listed on http://adopting.com. She resides in Fort Worth, TX. In 2007 she won a Media Award from Associated Content and in 2005 she received a grant from Change, Inc. In 2003.
View all articles by Terri Rimmer
Why Some People Can't Get Sober
There’s a scene in the 1988 movie “Clean and Sober” with Michael Keaton where a character cannot seem to get off alcohol.
In actual life, Mike, who has been to prison twice and rehab once, prefers panhandling to getting sober and the problem at his Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) group has gotten so bad that the steering committee recently had a meeting about his continually asking for money from members. Recently Mike went AWOL from a two-year treatment program and was back at the group panhandling again only this time no one is helping him. Everyone says they’re fed up. (Source: Southwest Group).
Michelle, who has also been in and out of the “program” of AA for years, takes advantage of her dying mother by living off of her and getting drunk off and on. As of now Michelle has two days sober.
Linda, also around AA for many years and a former paralegal in Miami, FL, has only recently gotten sober after experimenting with cocaine during her last relapse and losing everything. (Source: San Marco Group).
There are many theories as to why some people in AA get clean and sober and others don’t.
Certain members in the program say that if you enable the drunk he will not get sober and that he has to hit his bottom, meaning don’t interrupt his journey and let him face the consequences of his behavior. Others feel that you should help the alcoholic as much as you can.
On page 25 of the AA textbook, Alcoholics Anonymous, it is written that “If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution” meaning that it is all or nothing in the program when it comes to stopping drinking; that you must be willing to take the suggestions to stay stopped. The alcoholic who wants to stop drinking must have all the desperation of a dying man, according to the book. He or she get that when people keep bailing them out?
The other key is that the alcoholic must be willing to admit she is a real alcoholic, that is a person who has no choice in the matter of drink.
Lack of power, that was our dilemma, as stated on page 45 of the textbook. The alcoholic has no defense against the first drink and the problem of alcoholism centers in the mind. So the person who cannot stop drinking first has to admit that they have the problem and that they have no control over it. Perhaps that is another reason why people like Linda, Michelle, and Mike cannot stop drinking, because they are still living with the assumption that they can stop any time and they are in control. People die this way.
"It doesn’t matter why the jackass is in the ditch, just get him out of the ditch,” says Claudia, a long-time member of AA. “Some people don’t want to get sober. Some people just want a pack of Marlboros and a bucket of chicken.”
Still others struggle with the concept of God, or a Higher Power, which is talked about at length in the chapter “We Agnostics” but the beauty of the program is that you don’t have to believe in anyone’s God but your own conception of a power greater than yourself.
By Terri Rimmer
Published 01/3/2008
Religion & Spirituality
Rating: Unrated
Terri Rimmer
Terri Rimmer has 24 years of journalism experience, having worked for ten newspapers and some magazines. Currently she writes for http://associatedcontent.com. She has a daughter, McKenna, whom she placed for adoption in August 2000. Ms. Rimmer published her e-book "MacKenzie's Hope" on http://booklocker.com under the family heading. It's also listed on http://adopting.com. She resides in Fort Worth, TX. In 2007 she won a Media Award from Associated Content and in 2005 she received a grant from Change, Inc. In 2003.
View all articles by Terri Rimmer
Why Some People Can't Get Sober
There’s a scene in the 1988 movie “Clean and Sober” with Michael Keaton where a character cannot seem to get off alcohol.
In actual life, Mike, who has been to prison twice and rehab once, prefers panhandling to getting sober and the problem at his Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) group has gotten so bad that the steering committee recently had a meeting about his continually asking for money from members. Recently Mike went AWOL from a two-year treatment program and was back at the group panhandling again only this time no one is helping him. Everyone says they’re fed up. (Source: Southwest Group).
Michelle, who has also been in and out of the “program” of AA for years, takes advantage of her dying mother by living off of her and getting drunk off and on. As of now Michelle has two days sober.
Linda, also around AA for many years and a former paralegal in Miami, FL, has only recently gotten sober after experimenting with cocaine during her last relapse and losing everything. (Source: San Marco Group).
There are many theories as to why some people in AA get clean and sober and others don’t.
Certain members in the program say that if you enable the drunk he will not get sober and that he has to hit his bottom, meaning don’t interrupt his journey and let him face the consequences of his behavior. Others feel that you should help the alcoholic as much as you can.
On page 25 of the AA textbook, Alcoholics Anonymous, it is written that “If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution” meaning that it is all or nothing in the program when it comes to stopping drinking; that you must be willing to take the suggestions to stay stopped. The alcoholic who wants to stop drinking must have all the desperation of a dying man, according to the book. He or she get that when people keep bailing them out?
The other key is that the alcoholic must be willing to admit she is a real alcoholic, that is a person who has no choice in the matter of drink.
Lack of power, that was our dilemma, as stated on page 45 of the textbook. The alcoholic has no defense against the first drink and the problem of alcoholism centers in the mind. So the person who cannot stop drinking first has to admit that they have the problem and that they have no control over it. Perhaps that is another reason why people like Linda, Michelle, and Mike cannot stop drinking, because they are still living with the assumption that they can stop any time and they are in control. People die this way.
"It doesn’t matter why the jackass is in the ditch, just get him out of the ditch,” says Claudia, a long-time member of AA. “Some people don’t want to get sober. Some people just want a pack of Marlboros and a bucket of chicken.”
Still others struggle with the concept of God, or a Higher Power, which is talked about at length in the chapter “We Agnostics” but the beauty of the program is that you don’t have to believe in anyone’s God but your own conception of a power greater than yourself.
Roads to Recovery from Sexual Addiction
By Terri Rimmer
Published 01/3/2008
Dating & Relationships
Rating: Unrated
Terri Rimmer
Terri Rimmer has 24 years of journalism experience, having worked for ten newspapers and some magazines. Currently she writes for http://associatedcontent.com. She has a daughter, McKenna, whom she placed for adoption in August 2000. Ms. Rimmer published her e-book "MacKenzie's Hope" on http://booklocker.com under the family heading. It's also listed on http://adopting.com. She resides in Fort Worth, TX. In 2007 she won a Media Award from Associated Content and in 2005 she received a grant from Change, Inc. In 2003.
View all articles by Terri Rimmer
Roads to Recovery From Sexual Addiction
Do you know if you or someone you love has the symptoms of sexual dependency?
According to a a Sexual Dependency Program brochure from Coral Ridge Psychiatric Hospital in Ft. Lauderdale, FL behavior patterns of those suffering from sexual dependency may include but are not limited to multiple extramarital affairs and repeated incidents of sexual harassment among others.
“My sex addiction was not something that was easily talked about, and when I did talk about it I was told to ‘stop my denial process and concentrate on my allergy to alcohol.’ I was told time and again, ‘Don’t drink and go to (AA) meetings,’” says David R. “I became abstinent from alcohol. I am now experiencing a level of sobriety that in the past I could only have wished for. We who are recovering from the shame of sexual addiction are truly miracles.”
According to the now defunct Recovery Today Newspaper, in July 1992 sexual addiction treatment, per se, was not covered by insurance, but it was covered under the category of major depression. Accepted patients went through standard hospital admissions procedures an an assessment determined the actual level of care.
“Today I am choosing recovery from a sex addiction that has plaged me since I first started getting sober the first time in 1998. It has not been easy. In fact, it has been harder in some ways than stopping drinking and staying stopped. It has been been harder because of the underlying problems surrounding it; the lack of support from others who don’t understand the loneliness, struggle, and pain. With an addiction such as this one it is hard just to abstain because sex is part of life,” states Denise P.
Denise’s sex addiction began during treatment for alcholism when she switched one addiction for another. When the drug (alcohol) was taken away she statd that she was left with an empty hole inside of her that could not be filled, she said. She began a collision course with a very real addiction that almost led her to drink many times, she revealed. She slept with two different men while in treatment to get back at her boyfriend who wasn’t calling, writing, or visitng. Once out of treatment she engaged in a three-week fling with a divorced, practicing alcoholic and addict and didn’t go to support meetings during that period. It was a miracle, she said, she stayed sober. During that time she also lost one of her former foster moms to cancer.
“Shortly therafter I moved to California from Illinois,” says Denise. “I lived with my brother, also a recovering alcoholic who didn’t understand my sex addiction but because he was a therapist steered me to a meeting of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, a women’s group which gave me hope.”
But Denise was not ready to end her self-destructive cycle and continued to indulge in “binges” which left her feeling worthless and experiencing actual physical sickness, much like a real hangover, only without the alcohol, she explained.
"In short, I wasn’t ready to stop being used and victimized,” Denise said. “I continued to go to meetings and knew that everyone had their own control device. For some it was as simple as not picking up the phone. Others could go out on a date but that was it.”
Denise said that it wasn’t as simple as not having or having sex.
“It wasn’t realistic to ask people to abstain from something as natural as sex; each person set their own behavior limits based on the consequences of their past actions,” she said. “For me it was as simple as not picking up the phone. For me it always started there.”
Denise eventually stopped going to the group and got involved with a married man, a practicing addict. That relationship went on and off for two years and it was still a temptation in 2002, she said, though not as strong as it once was.
“When I think about the insanity of my behavior during that time I still cringe and hurt for what I put others around me through,” said Denise. “I rmember sending my brother home with a plate of food after inviting him to dinner because the married man had called at the spur of the moment and said he’d be over in five minutes.”
Denise reported that she would buy expensive food at the local Mom and Pop grocery on credit and spend hours preparing a full-course meal complete with dessert only to have the married man cancel on her at the last minute.
“Married men have a way of doing that,” she said. “One day I hid behind my own house form a man who I had been out with the night before. He had come back to see me because I wouldn’t talk to him on the phone. Rather than face him, it was easier to hide.”
After beating her head against the wall through various affairs, flings, relationships, and overall destructive behavior, Denise said she finally succumbed in August 2001 a day at time to “this horrible addiction which ultimately cost me jobs, living situations, money, relationships, friendships, and my health.”
“Today I have a reprieve from choosing victim behavior contingent on my spiritual condition,” she says. “I did not find the answers in Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) because I haven’t been back there in two years. But I did apply the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) to my sex addiction and found that it works! Through my Higher Power’s grace I know that I don’t have to allow myself to be used over and over again. Today I know I deserve more.”
Denise said it is not easy, especially when the loneliness kicks in.
“I constantly have to examine my motives and judge situations individually based on my point of reference or my past pain,” she noted. “It’s more ore less breaking the cycle of doing the same things and expecting different results.”
Denise said the fact that she was sexually abused from the time she was three years old until the age of 17 by her stepfather is directly linked to her addiction.
“But toady I am in therapy and through the 12 Steps of AA I do not have to let me past rob me of today,” she said. “And for that, I am extremely and eternally grateful.”
For help with a sex addiction, go to sexhelp.com.
By Terri Rimmer
Published 01/3/2008
Dating & Relationships
Rating: Unrated
Terri Rimmer
Terri Rimmer has 24 years of journalism experience, having worked for ten newspapers and some magazines. Currently she writes for http://associatedcontent.com. She has a daughter, McKenna, whom she placed for adoption in August 2000. Ms. Rimmer published her e-book "MacKenzie's Hope" on http://booklocker.com under the family heading. It's also listed on http://adopting.com. She resides in Fort Worth, TX. In 2007 she won a Media Award from Associated Content and in 2005 she received a grant from Change, Inc. In 2003.
View all articles by Terri Rimmer
Roads to Recovery From Sexual Addiction
Do you know if you or someone you love has the symptoms of sexual dependency?
According to a a Sexual Dependency Program brochure from Coral Ridge Psychiatric Hospital in Ft. Lauderdale, FL behavior patterns of those suffering from sexual dependency may include but are not limited to multiple extramarital affairs and repeated incidents of sexual harassment among others.
“My sex addiction was not something that was easily talked about, and when I did talk about it I was told to ‘stop my denial process and concentrate on my allergy to alcohol.’ I was told time and again, ‘Don’t drink and go to (AA) meetings,’” says David R. “I became abstinent from alcohol. I am now experiencing a level of sobriety that in the past I could only have wished for. We who are recovering from the shame of sexual addiction are truly miracles.”
According to the now defunct Recovery Today Newspaper, in July 1992 sexual addiction treatment, per se, was not covered by insurance, but it was covered under the category of major depression. Accepted patients went through standard hospital admissions procedures an an assessment determined the actual level of care.
“Today I am choosing recovery from a sex addiction that has plaged me since I first started getting sober the first time in 1998. It has not been easy. In fact, it has been harder in some ways than stopping drinking and staying stopped. It has been been harder because of the underlying problems surrounding it; the lack of support from others who don’t understand the loneliness, struggle, and pain. With an addiction such as this one it is hard just to abstain because sex is part of life,” states Denise P.
Denise’s sex addiction began during treatment for alcholism when she switched one addiction for another. When the drug (alcohol) was taken away she statd that she was left with an empty hole inside of her that could not be filled, she said. She began a collision course with a very real addiction that almost led her to drink many times, she revealed. She slept with two different men while in treatment to get back at her boyfriend who wasn’t calling, writing, or visitng. Once out of treatment she engaged in a three-week fling with a divorced, practicing alcoholic and addict and didn’t go to support meetings during that period. It was a miracle, she said, she stayed sober. During that time she also lost one of her former foster moms to cancer.
“Shortly therafter I moved to California from Illinois,” says Denise. “I lived with my brother, also a recovering alcoholic who didn’t understand my sex addiction but because he was a therapist steered me to a meeting of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, a women’s group which gave me hope.”
But Denise was not ready to end her self-destructive cycle and continued to indulge in “binges” which left her feeling worthless and experiencing actual physical sickness, much like a real hangover, only without the alcohol, she explained.
"In short, I wasn’t ready to stop being used and victimized,” Denise said. “I continued to go to meetings and knew that everyone had their own control device. For some it was as simple as not picking up the phone. Others could go out on a date but that was it.”
Denise said that it wasn’t as simple as not having or having sex.
“It wasn’t realistic to ask people to abstain from something as natural as sex; each person set their own behavior limits based on the consequences of their past actions,” she said. “For me it was as simple as not picking up the phone. For me it always started there.”
Denise eventually stopped going to the group and got involved with a married man, a practicing addict. That relationship went on and off for two years and it was still a temptation in 2002, she said, though not as strong as it once was.
“When I think about the insanity of my behavior during that time I still cringe and hurt for what I put others around me through,” said Denise. “I rmember sending my brother home with a plate of food after inviting him to dinner because the married man had called at the spur of the moment and said he’d be over in five minutes.”
Denise reported that she would buy expensive food at the local Mom and Pop grocery on credit and spend hours preparing a full-course meal complete with dessert only to have the married man cancel on her at the last minute.
“Married men have a way of doing that,” she said. “One day I hid behind my own house form a man who I had been out with the night before. He had come back to see me because I wouldn’t talk to him on the phone. Rather than face him, it was easier to hide.”
After beating her head against the wall through various affairs, flings, relationships, and overall destructive behavior, Denise said she finally succumbed in August 2001 a day at time to “this horrible addiction which ultimately cost me jobs, living situations, money, relationships, friendships, and my health.”
“Today I have a reprieve from choosing victim behavior contingent on my spiritual condition,” she says. “I did not find the answers in Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) because I haven’t been back there in two years. But I did apply the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) to my sex addiction and found that it works! Through my Higher Power’s grace I know that I don’t have to allow myself to be used over and over again. Today I know I deserve more.”
Denise said it is not easy, especially when the loneliness kicks in.
“I constantly have to examine my motives and judge situations individually based on my point of reference or my past pain,” she noted. “It’s more ore less breaking the cycle of doing the same things and expecting different results.”
Denise said the fact that she was sexually abused from the time she was three years old until the age of 17 by her stepfather is directly linked to her addiction.
“But toady I am in therapy and through the 12 Steps of AA I do not have to let me past rob me of today,” she said. “And for that, I am extremely and eternally grateful.”
For help with a sex addiction, go to sexhelp.com.
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