Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 31 Jul 2007 05:09:26 -0700
The Scottie Dog Who Knew Karate
There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.
So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, "I need a good guard dog."
And the clerk replied, "Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate."
The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair."
The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, "Karate that table." The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.
So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. But then she told her husband that it knew karate, and he said "Karate my ass!"
Payin' The Bills
Superbad
In Theaters August 17th
Come Get Some
Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2007 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Lending a Flipper
Dolphins make a splash with a mystifying health modality.
By Jessica Ridenour
There are many mysteries in our universe that remain unsolved: the downfall of the dinosaurs, life on other planets and how a single sock can disappear in the dryer. Why Dolphin Assisted Therapy (DAT) is beneficial for treating a host of disorders—including autism, physical and mental disabilities, post-traumatic stress, spine and brain injuries, anxiety and depression—might be another one of those unsolved enigmas, but that doesn’t make it any less relevant for the true believers who deem that these friendly, super-smart mammals have the power to ease what ails you.
Humans’ fascination with dolphins’ intellect and innocent playfulness dates back to the time of Aristotle, who was the first scientist to study cetaceans (dolphins, whales and porpoises). In the 1950s, Dr. John Lilly (who also invented the floatation tanks discussed in June ET’s Holistic Healing) studied communication between humans and dolphins. In the 60s, the US Navy launched its Marine Mammal Program, in which dolphins were trained to locate mines, perform underwater surveillance (thanks to fin-mounted cameras), bring equipment to divers and more. Cetaceans’ potential impact on human well-being entered the picture in the 70s, when Dr. Betsy Smith first introduced the idea of dolphin therapy. Today, the dolphin allure endures, with DAT centers located around the world.
One such center is Island Dolphin Care (www.islanddolphincare.org) in Key Largo, Florida. This nonprofit group offers intensive dolphin therapy sessions for special-needs kids, including those with life-threatening conditions and long-term, chronic physical, mental or emotional disabilities. Accompanied by a therapist, children at the center can interact with dolphins from a platform or enter the water for one-on-one play sessions with the helpful creatures. Often used in conjunction with human-assisted therapy, dolphin swims can help children who may struggle in everyday life to suddenly feel empowered, confident and free.
“It’s a recreational, motivational and educational experience,” says program manager Pete Hoagland. “We see some kids have major breakthroughs. I would say at the very least the kids have a remarkable experience and I would say in most cases the kids in the programs move in one way or another towards a positive outcome, whatever their challenge might’ve been.” Hoagland, whose wife Deena is a therapist and executive director of the organization, compares the program to other animal therapy modalities, such as equestrian therapy, but notes that floating in the water with a dolphin is likely easier for a severely impaired child than riding a horse.
The Hoaglands were no strangers to the benefits of DAT even before founding IDC. After their son, Joe, was born with a heart defect and was left paralyzed on his left side by a stroke at age three, his parents took him to swim with the dolphins as often as possible. He is now a college-age adult with few remaining symptoms of his stroke.
“We’ve seen some remarkable things here, using the excitement and motivation of the dolphins, which is a powerful tool,” says Pete, “and we do see kids say their first words or take their first steps, or change the behavior that was not productive.” But he’s quick to add that there is no “miracle” to be found here. “We absolutely do not suggest that dolphins can cure or heal,” he says. “There’s no hard science or research that would allow us to promote it, and so we don’t; but animals and kids in general have something of a natural connection.”
The Dolphin is IN
Children aren’t the only ones who benefit from dolphins. Florida-based nurse and bodywork practitioner Corinna Soumerai has been swimming with dolphins, both in the wild and in captivity, for over 25 years. For her, it’s more of a spiritual, personal encounter. “When I had my first experience with a dolphin, I wept,” she reveals. “The connection I had by looking into the dolphin’s eyes was so deep for me; I felt a sense of love, a sense of being home...like I was with an enlightened entity.” Visiting with a psychotherapist was unfulfilling for Soumerai; instead, she would swim with dolphins, returning from each swim with a permanent smile on her face, profound emotional healing and deep sleep afterward. “I liked the results I got with a bigger being or a bigger force of nature,” she says. “I think that the cetaceans are here to remind us that we were once connected and are still connected to nature.”
While the jury is still officially out as to why DAT is such a powerfully effective therapy for some patients, theories abound. One such hypothesis is based on dolphins’ use of sonar and what is called echolocation. Dolphins use echolocation to navigate, find food and communicate with other dolphins. They send out a signal—a clicking sound to us humans—and then the signal bounces back, letting them know what lies ahead—in essence “seeing” with sound.
Through echolocation, dolphins can allegedly detect pregnancy, as well as tumors or other illnesses in humans. Dolphins’ echolocation is also said to induce changes in a person’s cellular membranes and body tissue, creating healing and deep relaxation—and people say they can actually feel it happening. The physiological effects are similar to that of music therapy. Some simply believe that swimming with dolphins is fun and that the unconditional love of dolphins imparts a feeling of joy in humans; others even believe that dolphins are extraterrestrials or angels sent to Earth to save our species.
Regardless of the mechanisms behind DAT’s benefits, these incredibly intelligent, remarkably sensitive creatures have much to share with humankind. Swimming with dolphins can be a soothing, otherworldly experience that distracts adults from the problems in their lives, fills physically challenged children with excitement and a zest for life...and quite possibly stimulates healing by connecting humans with our true natural origins. All it takes is a life vest and an open mind.
Dolphins make a splash with a mystifying health modality.
By Jessica Ridenour
There are many mysteries in our universe that remain unsolved: the downfall of the dinosaurs, life on other planets and how a single sock can disappear in the dryer. Why Dolphin Assisted Therapy (DAT) is beneficial for treating a host of disorders—including autism, physical and mental disabilities, post-traumatic stress, spine and brain injuries, anxiety and depression—might be another one of those unsolved enigmas, but that doesn’t make it any less relevant for the true believers who deem that these friendly, super-smart mammals have the power to ease what ails you.
Humans’ fascination with dolphins’ intellect and innocent playfulness dates back to the time of Aristotle, who was the first scientist to study cetaceans (dolphins, whales and porpoises). In the 1950s, Dr. John Lilly (who also invented the floatation tanks discussed in June ET’s Holistic Healing) studied communication between humans and dolphins. In the 60s, the US Navy launched its Marine Mammal Program, in which dolphins were trained to locate mines, perform underwater surveillance (thanks to fin-mounted cameras), bring equipment to divers and more. Cetaceans’ potential impact on human well-being entered the picture in the 70s, when Dr. Betsy Smith first introduced the idea of dolphin therapy. Today, the dolphin allure endures, with DAT centers located around the world.
One such center is Island Dolphin Care (www.islanddolphincare.org) in Key Largo, Florida. This nonprofit group offers intensive dolphin therapy sessions for special-needs kids, including those with life-threatening conditions and long-term, chronic physical, mental or emotional disabilities. Accompanied by a therapist, children at the center can interact with dolphins from a platform or enter the water for one-on-one play sessions with the helpful creatures. Often used in conjunction with human-assisted therapy, dolphin swims can help children who may struggle in everyday life to suddenly feel empowered, confident and free.
“It’s a recreational, motivational and educational experience,” says program manager Pete Hoagland. “We see some kids have major breakthroughs. I would say at the very least the kids have a remarkable experience and I would say in most cases the kids in the programs move in one way or another towards a positive outcome, whatever their challenge might’ve been.” Hoagland, whose wife Deena is a therapist and executive director of the organization, compares the program to other animal therapy modalities, such as equestrian therapy, but notes that floating in the water with a dolphin is likely easier for a severely impaired child than riding a horse.
The Hoaglands were no strangers to the benefits of DAT even before founding IDC. After their son, Joe, was born with a heart defect and was left paralyzed on his left side by a stroke at age three, his parents took him to swim with the dolphins as often as possible. He is now a college-age adult with few remaining symptoms of his stroke.
“We’ve seen some remarkable things here, using the excitement and motivation of the dolphins, which is a powerful tool,” says Pete, “and we do see kids say their first words or take their first steps, or change the behavior that was not productive.” But he’s quick to add that there is no “miracle” to be found here. “We absolutely do not suggest that dolphins can cure or heal,” he says. “There’s no hard science or research that would allow us to promote it, and so we don’t; but animals and kids in general have something of a natural connection.”
The Dolphin is IN
Children aren’t the only ones who benefit from dolphins. Florida-based nurse and bodywork practitioner Corinna Soumerai has been swimming with dolphins, both in the wild and in captivity, for over 25 years. For her, it’s more of a spiritual, personal encounter. “When I had my first experience with a dolphin, I wept,” she reveals. “The connection I had by looking into the dolphin’s eyes was so deep for me; I felt a sense of love, a sense of being home...like I was with an enlightened entity.” Visiting with a psychotherapist was unfulfilling for Soumerai; instead, she would swim with dolphins, returning from each swim with a permanent smile on her face, profound emotional healing and deep sleep afterward. “I liked the results I got with a bigger being or a bigger force of nature,” she says. “I think that the cetaceans are here to remind us that we were once connected and are still connected to nature.”
While the jury is still officially out as to why DAT is such a powerfully effective therapy for some patients, theories abound. One such hypothesis is based on dolphins’ use of sonar and what is called echolocation. Dolphins use echolocation to navigate, find food and communicate with other dolphins. They send out a signal—a clicking sound to us humans—and then the signal bounces back, letting them know what lies ahead—in essence “seeing” with sound.
Through echolocation, dolphins can allegedly detect pregnancy, as well as tumors or other illnesses in humans. Dolphins’ echolocation is also said to induce changes in a person’s cellular membranes and body tissue, creating healing and deep relaxation—and people say they can actually feel it happening. The physiological effects are similar to that of music therapy. Some simply believe that swimming with dolphins is fun and that the unconditional love of dolphins imparts a feeling of joy in humans; others even believe that dolphins are extraterrestrials or angels sent to Earth to save our species.
Regardless of the mechanisms behind DAT’s benefits, these incredibly intelligent, remarkably sensitive creatures have much to share with humankind. Swimming with dolphins can be a soothing, otherworldly experience that distracts adults from the problems in their lives, fills physically challenged children with excitement and a zest for life...and quite possibly stimulates healing by connecting humans with our true natural origins. All it takes is a life vest and an open mind.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 29 Jul 2007 05:09:26 -0700
This old couple is ready to go to sleep so ...
This old couple is ready to go to sleep so the old man lies on the bed but the old woman lies down on the floor.
The old man asks, "Why are you going to sleep on the floor?"
The old woman says, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change."
Payin' The Bills
Superbad
In Theaters August 17th
Come Get Some
Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2007 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.
Date: 29 Jul 2007 05:09:26 -0700
This old couple is ready to go to sleep so ...
This old couple is ready to go to sleep so the old man lies on the bed but the old woman lies down on the floor.
The old man asks, "Why are you going to sleep on the floor?"
The old woman says, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change."
Payin' The Bills
Superbad
In Theaters August 17th
Come Get Some
Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2007 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 26 Jul 2007 09:59:43 -0700

Dating a Prostitute
A guy is on a date with this girl, so he takes her to Lover's Lane.
When they get up there, she says, ''I have to be honest with you, I'm a hooker.'' The guy thinks about this for a short time and says it's okay. He agrees to pay her $25 and they start having sex.
After they finish, the guy says, ''I have to be honest with you now. I'm a cab driver and it'll cost you $25 for me to drive you back into town.''
Payin' The Bills
Red Stripe
Its beer!
Hooray Beer!™
Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2007 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.
Date: 26 Jul 2007 09:59:43 -0700

Dating a Prostitute
A guy is on a date with this girl, so he takes her to Lover's Lane.
When they get up there, she says, ''I have to be honest with you, I'm a hooker.'' The guy thinks about this for a short time and says it's okay. He agrees to pay her $25 and they start having sex.
After they finish, the guy says, ''I have to be honest with you now. I'm a cab driver and it'll cost you $25 for me to drive you back into town.''
Payin' The Bills
Red Stripe
Its beer!
Hooray Beer!™
Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2007 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 22 Jul 2007 05:09:28 -0700

Tight Skirt, Bus Stop
One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.
So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.
So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"
Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."
Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.
Date: 22 Jul 2007 05:09:28 -0700

Tight Skirt, Bus Stop
One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.
So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.
So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"
Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."
Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Friday, July 20, 2007
Paraplegic
There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who...
1) would treat her nicely
2) wouldn't run away from her
3) would be good in bed.
Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.
"I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."
"Yes, but are you good in bed?"
"How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.
There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who...
1) would treat her nicely
2) wouldn't run away from her
3) would be good in bed.
Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.
"I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."
"Yes, but are you good in bed?"
"How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Friday, July 13, 2007
Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 13 Jul 2007 05:09:24 -0700

The Firing Squad
A man was scheduled to go before a firing squad for his crimes. The evening before his execution, he was asked what he wanted for his last meal. He refused the meal completely.
The next morning the man was brought before the firing squad. When asked for his last request, the man said he had none. The General in charge of his execution asked him, ''Sir, you refused your last meal and your last request. Isn't there anything you want before you die?''
The man thought for a moment, then said, ''Music has always been an important part of my life. If I could do but one thing before I die, would you allow me to sing my favorite song from beginning to end, without interruption?''
The General thought this was a reasonable request, and ordered his men to lower their weapons and to not interrupt for the duration of the song.
''Ten million bottles of beer on the wall...''
Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.
Date: 13 Jul 2007 05:09:24 -0700

The Firing Squad
A man was scheduled to go before a firing squad for his crimes. The evening before his execution, he was asked what he wanted for his last meal. He refused the meal completely.
The next morning the man was brought before the firing squad. When asked for his last request, the man said he had none. The General in charge of his execution asked him, ''Sir, you refused your last meal and your last request. Isn't there anything you want before you die?''
The man thought for a moment, then said, ''Music has always been an important part of my life. If I could do but one thing before I die, would you allow me to sing my favorite song from beginning to end, without interruption?''
The General thought this was a reasonable request, and ordered his men to lower their weapons and to not interrupt for the duration of the song.
''Ten million bottles of beer on the wall...''
Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
To view this email as a web page, click here.
Editor's Note
Many of the authors we work with at AuthorHouse want to publish their work because they have a strong desire to share their stories with others. These are writers who have overcome obstacles, learned from their own history and want to offer a message of hope to those who may be searching in a time of need. With today's constant media coverage of death, war and conflict, writers trying to plant seeds of hope for the next generation cannot be taken for granted.
One particularly inspiring story of hope is that of Lori Lober, featured in this month's Author Corner. Lober was diagnosed with stage-four cancer, but now, seven years later there is no evidence of the disease in her body. With a strong desire to share her story with other cancer patients, Lober has published the journal she kept while undergoing treatment. She is not only a source of inspiration for those in dire health, but for anyone who aspires to share their personal message of hope.
Enjoy this issue!
Kind regards,
Erica Dorocke (vip@authorhouse.com)
Editor
In This Issue:
Lori Lober turned her stage-four cancer diagnosis into a story of hope.
Author Corner >>
___________________________________
Finding the best words in your writing may require a new form.
Writing Feature >>
___________________________________
Attracting readers to your Web site requires carefully chosen content.
Marketing Feature >>
___________________________________
AuthorHouse named official book publishing resource partner for the largest organization of business and personal coaches in the world.
AuthorHouse News >>
Author Corner
Author Transforms Cancer Diagnosis into a Source of Hope
Many writers keep a journal so they can constantly capture those fleeting ideas that arrive in moments of inspiration, whether it is in the midst of a summer thunderstorm or in the moments of surreal silence before we drift off to sleep. Lori Lober, though she'd tell you she's not a "writer," started keeping a journal when she was originally diagnosed with stage-four cancer. Seven years later, Lober has repeatedly received a "no evidence of disease" diagnosis and continues to live each day with a desire to plant the seeds of hope in patients who face an advanced stage cancer diagnosis.
Read more >>
Marketing Feature
Creating Effective Content for Your Web Site
Once you've handled the logistics of setting up a Web site and established a visible Web presence for your book, you'll need to choose content to feature on your site. Attracting readers to your Web site--and keeping them coming back--requires a coordinated effort to make your site fast, convenient and packed with information that is useful, specific and regularly updated.
Read more >>
Writing Feature
Playing Around With Your Words
The dreaded "writer's block" can strike at any time. It tends to surface when writers start on a new topic or get bogged down trying to conform to a particular expectation or structure. Sometimes all it takes to get the creative juices flowing again is experimentation in a new form or genre, which allows you to play around with your style and word selection and return to your work with fresh ideas and a new perspective.
Read more >>
AuthorHouse News
AuthorHouse Named ICF Book Publishing Partner
AuthorHouse was named the official resource partner for book publishing for the International Coach Federation in a joint announcement made by Bryan S. Smith, president and CEO of AuthorHouse and Gary E. Boyler, executive director of the ICF.
The International Coach Federation is the largest worldwide resource for business and personal coaches, and the source for those who are seeking a coach. ICF has more than 12,000 members in 81 countries around the world.
"Publishing a book is one of the methods our members can utilize to build their coaching practice," Boyler said. "By partnering with AuthorHouse, ICF provides its membership with the means to publish, promote and distribute books worldwide, which will contribute in substantial measure to the global coaching body of knowledge."
Read more >>
What's New at AuthorHouse
Congratulations to Award-Winning Authors
Barbara and Jon Hall's Adam's Eve won the Silver Award in the ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year awards. Adam's Eve explores our culture's shifting gender roles and provides knowledge for making important decisions within this transition.
Jacqueline Miconi's Celebrate...Italian Style was a 2007 New York Book Festival runner-up for non-fiction. Dr. Debi Warner was honored by the New York Book Festival for her "how-to" book Renovation Psychology.
Conferences & Events to Attend Contests to Enter
Find inspiration and education at a writers' conference near you in 2007.
View Conferences & Events >> Ready for a challenge? Get the new year off to a great start by entering contests in 2007.
Contests to Enter >>
>Author Corner | Writing Feature | Book Marketing | AuthorHouse News | Conferences | Contests
Editor's Note
Many of the authors we work with at AuthorHouse want to publish their work because they have a strong desire to share their stories with others. These are writers who have overcome obstacles, learned from their own history and want to offer a message of hope to those who may be searching in a time of need. With today's constant media coverage of death, war and conflict, writers trying to plant seeds of hope for the next generation cannot be taken for granted.
One particularly inspiring story of hope is that of Lori Lober, featured in this month's Author Corner. Lober was diagnosed with stage-four cancer, but now, seven years later there is no evidence of the disease in her body. With a strong desire to share her story with other cancer patients, Lober has published the journal she kept while undergoing treatment. She is not only a source of inspiration for those in dire health, but for anyone who aspires to share their personal message of hope.
Enjoy this issue!
Kind regards,
Erica Dorocke (vip@authorhouse.com)
Editor
In This Issue:
Lori Lober turned her stage-four cancer diagnosis into a story of hope.
Author Corner >>
___________________________________
Finding the best words in your writing may require a new form.
Writing Feature >>
___________________________________
Attracting readers to your Web site requires carefully chosen content.
Marketing Feature >>
___________________________________
AuthorHouse named official book publishing resource partner for the largest organization of business and personal coaches in the world.
AuthorHouse News >>
Author Corner
Author Transforms Cancer Diagnosis into a Source of Hope
Many writers keep a journal so they can constantly capture those fleeting ideas that arrive in moments of inspiration, whether it is in the midst of a summer thunderstorm or in the moments of surreal silence before we drift off to sleep. Lori Lober, though she'd tell you she's not a "writer," started keeping a journal when she was originally diagnosed with stage-four cancer. Seven years later, Lober has repeatedly received a "no evidence of disease" diagnosis and continues to live each day with a desire to plant the seeds of hope in patients who face an advanced stage cancer diagnosis.
Read more >>
Marketing Feature
Creating Effective Content for Your Web Site
Once you've handled the logistics of setting up a Web site and established a visible Web presence for your book, you'll need to choose content to feature on your site. Attracting readers to your Web site--and keeping them coming back--requires a coordinated effort to make your site fast, convenient and packed with information that is useful, specific and regularly updated.
Read more >>
Writing Feature
Playing Around With Your Words
The dreaded "writer's block" can strike at any time. It tends to surface when writers start on a new topic or get bogged down trying to conform to a particular expectation or structure. Sometimes all it takes to get the creative juices flowing again is experimentation in a new form or genre, which allows you to play around with your style and word selection and return to your work with fresh ideas and a new perspective.
Read more >>
AuthorHouse News
AuthorHouse Named ICF Book Publishing Partner
AuthorHouse was named the official resource partner for book publishing for the International Coach Federation in a joint announcement made by Bryan S. Smith, president and CEO of AuthorHouse and Gary E. Boyler, executive director of the ICF.
The International Coach Federation is the largest worldwide resource for business and personal coaches, and the source for those who are seeking a coach. ICF has more than 12,000 members in 81 countries around the world.
"Publishing a book is one of the methods our members can utilize to build their coaching practice," Boyler said. "By partnering with AuthorHouse, ICF provides its membership with the means to publish, promote and distribute books worldwide, which will contribute in substantial measure to the global coaching body of knowledge."
Read more >>
What's New at AuthorHouse
Congratulations to Award-Winning Authors
Barbara and Jon Hall's Adam's Eve won the Silver Award in the ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year awards. Adam's Eve explores our culture's shifting gender roles and provides knowledge for making important decisions within this transition.
Jacqueline Miconi's Celebrate...Italian Style was a 2007 New York Book Festival runner-up for non-fiction. Dr. Debi Warner was honored by the New York Book Festival for her "how-to" book Renovation Psychology.
Conferences & Events to Attend Contests to Enter
Find inspiration and education at a writers' conference near you in 2007.
View Conferences & Events >> Ready for a challenge? Get the new year off to a great start by entering contests in 2007.
Contests to Enter >>
>Author Corner | Writing Feature | Book Marketing | AuthorHouse News | Conferences | Contests
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 10 Jul 2007 05:09:21 -0700

Stuttering Problem
A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient.
Doctor: "It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this annoying problem of stuttering."
"Ddddd octttor. Whhaaat cccan I dddo?"
The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and states that there is a procedure where we can free up the strain on the vocal cords by removing the six inches from the penis and freeing him from this horrible problem. The patient stuttering badly states that this problem has caused him so much embarrassment as well as loss of employment that anything would be worth it. The doctor plans for the procedure. The operation is a success and six months later the patient comes in for his check up.
Patient: Doctor, the operation was a success. I have not stuttered since the operation. I have a great job and my self esteem is fantastic. However, there is one problem, my wife says that she sort of misses the great sex we used to have before the extra six inches were removed. So I was wondering if it is possible to reattach those six inches.
The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and says: "I dddoonnnbt ttthhhinkkkk thatttt wooould bbbbee possssssibbble!"
Payin' The Bills
Get all your friends in one place with the Sidekick ID.
It has everything you need with IM, Web, and E-mail.
All for just $99.99.
Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.
Date: 10 Jul 2007 05:09:21 -0700

Stuttering Problem
A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient.
Doctor: "It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this annoying problem of stuttering."
"Ddddd octttor. Whhaaat cccan I dddo?"
The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and states that there is a procedure where we can free up the strain on the vocal cords by removing the six inches from the penis and freeing him from this horrible problem. The patient stuttering badly states that this problem has caused him so much embarrassment as well as loss of employment that anything would be worth it. The doctor plans for the procedure. The operation is a success and six months later the patient comes in for his check up.
Patient: Doctor, the operation was a success. I have not stuttered since the operation. I have a great job and my self esteem is fantastic. However, there is one problem, my wife says that she sort of misses the great sex we used to have before the extra six inches were removed. So I was wondering if it is possible to reattach those six inches.
The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and says: "I dddoonnnbt ttthhhinkkkk thatttt wooould bbbbee possssssibbble!"
Payin' The Bills
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Sunday, July 08, 2007
Friday, July 06, 2007
Baby Delivery
>
>Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house
>was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a
>flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the
>baby.
>
>Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.
>
>Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.
>
>The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom.
>Connor began to cry.
>
>The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed
>3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
>
>Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the
>first place... smack his ass again!"
>
>Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house
>was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a
>flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the
>baby.
>
>Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.
>
>Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.
>
>The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom.
>Connor began to cry.
>
>The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed
>3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
>
>Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the
>first place... smack his ass again!"
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
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