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Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 28 May 2007 05:09:15 -0700






Teaching a Buncha Hooligans

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?"
"I just saw one of your garters!"

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

"I just saw both of your garters!"

Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.

"From what I just saw, my school days are over!"



Payin' The Bills
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You’ll feel more connected to the game than ever before.
Experience Wii from Nintendo at wii.com








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Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 21 May 2007 05:09:19 -0700






Baby Talk

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," said his mom, "Of course not."

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"










Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Subject: Fwd: COOL TIPS




I haven't tried these, but it would be nice if they really worked. Let me know if you try any of these suggestions and they work for you. Linda/Mom

Eliminate ear mites. All it takes is a few drops of Wesson corn oil in your cat's ear...Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing.

Kills fleas instantly...Dawn dishwashing liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Good-bye fleas. THIS WORKS OUR NEW PUP WAS LOADED WITH FLEA WHEN WE GOT IT..THIS DID THE TRICK

Rainy day cure for dog odor ...Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh. Did You Know that drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately-- without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional "pain relievers."

Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns.

Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try c hewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. ! They'll clear up your stuffed nose.

Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.

Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.

Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly-- even though the product was never been advertised for this use.

Honey remedy for skin blemishes ... Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.

Listerine therapy for toenail fungus. Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.

Easy eyeglass protection... To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.

Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer ... If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly.

Smart splinter remover. Just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.

Hunt's tomato paste boil cure ...cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.

Balm for broken blisters... To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine. a powerful antiseptic.

Vinegar to heal bruises ... Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.

Quaker Oats for fast pain relief... It's not for breakfast any more! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing reli ef from arthritis pain.

If you send this to 10 people and only one of them doesn't know about this, then it was worth it.

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Terrible Twos... If you opened it, you haveto do it.
Don't forgetto send it back to me too for fun!!?
Copy and paste into a new email and enter yur answers


Two Names You Go By:
1. Terri
2. The family historian (by my sister)

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Blouse
2. Khakis

Two Things You Want in a Relationship:
1. Humor
2. Intelligence

Two of Your Favorite Things to do:
1. Movies
2. Travel

Two Things You Want Very Badly At The
Moment:
1. Money
2. Losing weight

Two pets you had/have:
1. Ripley
2. Marbles

Two people who will fill this out first:
1. ?
2. ?

Two things you did last night:
1. Watch TV
2. Wrote

Two people who live at your house:?
1.
2.

Two things you ate today:
1. Cookies
2. Tacos

Two people you talked to last:?
1. Jon
2. Stephanie

Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1. Pet sitting
2. Errands

Two longest car rides?:
1. Ga. to TX
2. Ga. to OK

Two Favorite Holidays:
1. Christmas
2. Halloween

Two favorite beverages:
1. Coke
2. Cherry Coke

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