Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day NewsletterDate: 22 Nov 2006 05:08:31 -0800
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Harvard Graduate How do you get a Harvard graduate off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.




Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Some vets turning to alternative treatments for ailing pets
07:31 AM CST on Monday, November 20, 2006Associated Press
SAN FRANCISCO - When Ann Day's dog had a stroke in July, one side of his face became paralyzed so severely he couldn't blink. She knew she needed to do something before the 13-year-old pug, Jimmy, lost his eye to infection.
"I was open to anything that would help," Dey said.
At Pets Unlimited, a nonprofit animal hospital that was opening the city's first all-holistic veterinary medical clinic on Monday, Jimmy received acupuncture for a month. Now, his face is fine.
As alternative approaches like acupuncture and herbal remedies have moved further into the mainstream for humans, veterinarians have made those same techniques increasingly available for pets.
Animal care officials say pet owners have been convinced by their own positive experiences that their pets should also enjoy the benefits of alternative techniques.
"Seeing is believing," said Sally Wortman, Pets Unlimited's hospital administrator, standing near a row of scented candles on the new clinic's reception desk.
A Japanese fountain, soft lights and walls painted in soothing tones of sage, ochre and salmon augment the calming atmosphere of the clinic, which is one floor down from the city's only 24-hour-a-day emergency room for pets.
The renovations have a therapeutic effect on pets, Wortman said, but added that it was just as important to create a setting where owners also feel relaxed.
"The practitioner can only help the animal through the person," she said.
Still, the push for the new treatments -- also known as holistic or complementary medicine -- has not come so much from vets, whose medical training is still steeped in the rigors of the Western scientific tradition.
"It's been more consumer-driven," said Joe O'Hehir, executive director of Pets Unlimited.
Marilyn Chartrand of Alameda is one of those consumers.
"I do holist! ic thing s for my body. So I thought, how exciting that they're doing this for animals," said Chartrand, who adopted a cat from Pets Unlimited.
Chartrand said she treats her cat with aromatherapy when she gets sick, offering her different scents to inhale. "She knows which ones her system needs," Chartrand said.
That holistic medicine for animals would catch on in San Francisco, which also ushered in the no-kill movement in animal shelters in the 1990s, comes as little surprise. But the field is catching on among veterinarians across the country.
The Maryland-based American Holistic Veterinary Medical Association claims more than 800 members from Florida to Alaska. Chartrand learned about an alternative treatment called therapeutic touch from her sister, a veterinarian who uses the technique on horses in Kansas.
Still, despite broadening acceptance, alternative medicine for animals faces continued skepticism. The American Veterinary Medical Association said in recent guidelines on alternative medical techniques for animals that the organization is "open to their consideration."
But it stressed that the quality of research into different methods varies, saying some practices "may differ from current scientific knowledge."
Beth Schneider, an animal acupuncturist for Pets Unlimited, said one positive experience with alternative techniques can be enough to convince doubters.
"They see how beneficial it is to the animal," she said. "And they want to start going to acupuncturists themselves."

The art beat . . .Robin Williams has a connection to the 100-plus towering cast-iron figures that have taken up residency in Grant Park.
• • He's a sponsor: The comedy legend and his wife, Marsha, are big fans of Polish sculptor Magdalena Abakanowicz, and they ponied up more than $25,000 to help bring her Agora sculpture to Chicago.

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day NewsletterDate: 10 Nov 2006 05:08:33 -0800
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A cannibal was walking through the jungle A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...
Broiled Missionary: $ 10.00Fried Explorer: $ 15.00Baked Politician: $ 100.00
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politician?"
The waiter replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one?"
Payin' The BillsFOR YOUR CONSIDERATION (it?s a movie)From the director of Waiting for Guffman, Best in Show and A Mighty WindIn some theaters November 17th ? check the interweb




Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Dog-friendly restaurants======================================================================Officials: Dallas restaurants should be more dog-friendly06:54 PM CST on Thursday, November 2, 2006By DAVE LEVINTHAL / The Dallas Morning News Officials: Dallas restaurants should be more dog-friendly06:54 PM CST on Thursday, November 2, 2006By DAVE LEVINTHAL / The Dallas Morning News You and your dog may be unwitting outlaws: Sipping coffee at an outdoor cafe with Spot or Sparky is against state health regulations. But some Dallas restaurants ignore the rules at their own peril -- if only to satisfy what they say is overwhelming customer demand to dine with their pooches. Others want desperately to welcome pets on their patios but turn them away, afraid of attracting fines. Noting the dilemma, Dallas city officials are quietly crafting a system to skirt state law and allow pet-friendly food establishments to open their decks to both two- and four-legged customers. "The pets are like children. They don't do any harm," said Tammy Greenberg, a Knox-Henderson neighborhood resident who runs a pet-sitting service. "Taking them to a restaurant and sitting outside brings happiness to everyone." Cafe Toulouse, a cozy Knox Street bistro that would fit equally well on a Parisian boulevard, has long welcomed dogs onto its porch. They rarely, if ever, cause problems, interim manager Josh Holcombe said. "We get so many customers from the Katy Trail who are walking their dogs and want to visit us," Mr. Holcombe said. "Dogs are part of the family." Especially north of downtown. Dallas' Uptowners, notably urban and urbane, are apt to adopt a European-style esprit de corps while dwelling in closely quartered condominium high-rises and posh apartment complexes. That includes dogs. Dogs everywhere. Some condominium managers estimate nearly half of their residents own at least one. Stroll through Cole Park or up an Uptown sidewalk and run a gantlet of wagging tails. Looking at variances Though state health regulations explicitly outlaw nonservice animals on restaurant patios, they also empower local jurisdictions, such as Dallas city government, to grant variances, said Doug McBride, spokesman for the Texas Department of State Health Services. City Attorney Tom Perkins said his office is researching the issue and plans to brief the council on it next month or early next year. In order for Dallas to begin granting state regulation variances, the council must first vote to amend city ordinances, Mr. Perkins explained, adding that the variances could only apply to outdoor areas, not indoor dining rooms. Tell Us Pooches on the patio? Where are the dog-friendly restaurants in Dallas? For council member Angela Hunt, whose District 14 includes much of Uptown, the change is a "simple quality-of-life issue, another way to appeal to residents in the area that this is a fun, vibrant community." Ms. Hunt said she regularly receives e-mails and phone calls from constituents questioning why Dallas, which has long sought to position itself as a "world-class city," hasn't instituted more pro-pet policies that are mere political afterthoughts in many Eurasian and even East Coast population centers. Progress of this sort takes time. Dallas is a city that only last decade began developing off-leash dog parks, which today are wildly popular with pet owners. The city continues to struggle with other animal-related issues, namely coping with the thousands of stray dogs and feral cats, especially in Dallas' southern sector. Seeing a demand But Mark Maguire, who owns Maguire's Uptown Restaurant and Bar on Cedar Springs Road, said Dallas would be wise to end the pets-on-patios prohibition, if only because it makes business sense. "We'd have an immediate demand. There's no doubt in my mind that business would increase," said Mr. Maguire, whose restaurant features a large outdoor deck. He said he's tempted simply to ignore state regulations but hasn't done so. "In the restaurant industry, people vote with their wallets," Mr. Maguire said. "A lot of pet owners would vote for pet-friendly restaurants." One of them is Uptown resident Toi Villarreal, who said she can't understand why her collie, Leila, and border collie mix, Trixie, can't join her and her husband for a quiet Uptown dinner out -- without fear of breaking state rules. Health concerns about dogs are overblown, she said, and pigeons, mice and an inordinate amount of unsavory critters already find their way onto restaurant patios. As it is, Ms. Villarreal said she frequents restaurants that cater to pets. "We want to stay and maybe have a bottle of wine, instead of having to rush home and walk the dogs," she said. "People have limited time. If you want to create an urban environment, you need to be forward-thinking on simple issues like this." That Dallas is even exploring granting pet-on-patios variances is a positive sign, said April Prohafka, who owns The Pooch Patio, an Oak Lawn dog-services center that also features a beer and wine bar for dog owners. Ms. Prohafka says she hopes to franchise her concept, and new locations could include food service if Dallas changes its laws. "Dallas has always been very conservative, but we're now expanding ourselves," she said. "We're starting to look at what our demographics are in the Oak Lawn/Uptown area, and we're listening to them." E-mail dlevinthal@dallasnews.com

Fun Things to Do at a Drive-Thru 1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and let your passenger order. 2. Ask the price of almost everything on the menu and then order something that you didn't ask the price for. 3. Tell the employee that your window is broken. Order and then pay with your door open. When the food comes, roll down the window and snatch your order from their hands. 4. Go to McDonald's and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight. 5. Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels. 6. Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you're in. 7. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window-shopping and drive on. 8. Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup. 9. Ask the cashier how they fit into that little box. 10. If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on. 11. Demand to speak to the manager. When they come on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said, "May I take your order?" 12. When asked if they can take your order say, "Why, can I take yours?" 13. If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you. 14. Pretend your car has broken down. Ask for assistance moving it. When they come out, drive away. 15. Tell them you have to use the bathroom. 16. Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it. 17. Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene. 18. When they hand you your food, hand them a bag with all the trash from your car in it. 19. Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare. 20. Honk your horn the whole way through the line.




Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.