Subject: New Halloween Videos


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Scammers
step_bowler@yahoo.com
Username: bowler00Email: step_bowler@yahoo.comSignup
IP: 216.118.251.22male 52 years old San deigo United
States, Alabama (no picture) Scam message mass-mailed:
Hello, What a wonderful and fascinating profile you
had, so i'm sending you an email and show my
interest.Have been on this for less than 1week now and
i'm in search of my Soul & Dream Mate,Lover,Wife and
Life Companion,let me give you a brief introduction of
me.My name is Stephen Bowler,But my mom was a british
born.I'm an Electrical enginner with a Master Degree,
I have a good sense of humour...I live in san diego
Ca.I'm a widower been widowed for 6yrs now.I have just
only 1 lovely Daughter left her name is Lisa .After
the sudden and devasting death of my wife Who was a
wondeful,sweet and caring wife and mother.She was also
a teacher and she died by a Car Accident on her way
back from church.Have been single for the past 6
years, am a man with a strong heart,loving, caring,
honest, compassionate,affectionate, i also believe in
God.I like swining, camping,fishing,reading &
writting,tennis,American
Football,Basketball,Baseball,g olfing,swim ming
etc.When i read through your profile i was really
amazed and motivated to send you an email and show my
interest..I would want us to continue this
conversation further through my email which is
step_bowler@yahoo.com and if you use a Yahoo Messenger
my IM is step_bowler"Hope to hear from you very
soon.Have a Nice day. Stephen Bowler

--- Steven Bowler

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Subject: Blonde's Review of the Year
>
> Subject: a blondes year in review....
> January
> Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
>
> February
> Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
> Helllloooo!! !.......bottles won't fit in printer !!!
>
> March
> Got really excited..... finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....
> Box said "2-4 years!"
>
> April
> Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out!!!
>
> May
> Tried to make Kool-Aid.... .wrong instructions. ...8 cups of
> Water won't fit into those little packets!!!
>
> June
> Tried to go water skiing...... .couldn't find a lake with a slope.
>
> July
> Lost breast stroke swimming competition. ....learned later,
> The other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
>
> August
> Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....
> Car swamped because soft-top was open.
>
> September
> The capital of California is "C".....isn' t it???
>
> October
> Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to p eel.
>
> November
> Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour
> Per pound and I weigh 108!!
>
> December
> Couldn't call 911 ..... "duh".....there' s no "eleven"
> Button on the stupid phone!!!
>
>

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In Nov. Glamour

Click here to see the page on Glamour.com: http://www.glamour.com/health/articles/2007/10/cervicalcancer

In November Glamour

Click here to see the page on Glamour.com: http://www.glamour.com/health/articles/2007/10/antidepressants

Hey Terri,
I just purchased the book and started reading it – it is wonderful! Thank you for sharing your story – this is a book that will impact people in ways you may never know.....what a great feeling to know you have done something so positive...
Thank you,
Kristine



Kristine French, BSW
Birthparent Intake Counselor
Independent Adoption Center
3774 Lavista Road, Suite 100
Tucker, GA 30084
(office) 404-321-6900
(toll-free) 800-877-6736
(fax) 404-321-6600
kfrench@adoptionhelp.org

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seagull in Scotland has developed the habit of stealing chips from a neighborhood shop.

The seagull waits until the shopkeeper isn’t looking, and then walks into the store and grabs a snack-size bag of cheese Doritos.

Once outside, the bag gets ripped open and shared by other birds.

The seagull’s shoplifting started early this month when he first swooped into the store in Aberdeen, Scotland, and helped himself to a bag of chips. Since then, he’s become a regular. He always takes the same type of chips.

Customers have begun paying for the seagull’s stolen bags of chips because they think it’s so funny.

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I'm starting a support/resource group for parents of kids with food aversion. My birth daughter, 7, has never been interested in food, has a feeding tube, and has been in several programs with no results. This group will meet in the Fort Worth TCU area.

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Fido Finder - Where Lost Dogs Are Found Fido Finder Alert! A Lost Dog was just added to Fido Finder that is in your area. To view the dog's information click the following link.http://www.fidofinder.com/dog.php?id=91719

Hello Friends,

Did you know that there is an area-wide clean-up of the TRINITY RIVER going on this Saturday, the 15th??

There's lots of room for more, if any of you have some time to spare. I could use the help and the river could use it, too.

We'll be working in the White Settlement area.



It's 8:30 am - 11:30 am ,

with a free lunch at Rockwood Park afterward, and a free T-SHirt (wooohoo!)

P.S. Bring the kids.

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In October Glamour

Click here to see the page on Glamour.com: http://www.glamour.com/news/articles/2007/09/reallifedrama

Saving one animal won't change the world, but it will change the world for that one animal.

Terri Rimmer,



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Found out about this Fort Worth program yesterday called CAP that helps with electric bills. It stands for Community Action Partners and if you furnish a copy of the current utility bill, i.d., and proof of income by appt. only they will review the case. It's part of the Fort Worth Parks and Community Services Dept.



The phone number is 817-392-1650.



There is also a Cowboy Santas Holiday Program that you call on Sept. 4th to sign up. That number is 817-871-6605.

Terri~

What a gift of love you have given McKenna, as a really doting Mema of Aidan, I truly realize the profound gift... words cannot describe. I am thankful for you for the opportunity you have of sharing her life. It really does give you both, & her mom, such a blessing.

Shelley had planned an open adoption, but after a fiasco where the girl changed her mind (evidently had been with a couple of guys & ended up finding out the baby was the white guy's, which I think was her plan all along, to keep it)... well, to say the least it was an awful, emotional experience, the girl even used their name, so they truly felt like they had miscarried... couldn't even use that name. Made me really sad, as it was my mother's maiden name, Garrett, & Christopher, which was my grandfather's name. So she ended up going the opposite.

At any rate, I am so very thankful for the decision Aidan's birthmom made, & we are determined our baby will have the best life we can provide... not the most affluent, but rich in love & experiences shared. We (I was there when the call came!) got the call about Aidan 12 days after his birth Aug. 19, '03 (just celebrated his 4th!), so it was Aug. 29... she picked him up Aug. 31st! Life has NEVER been the same! Shelley & I both discuss how much that selfless decision made by birthmothers like you means, & I want you to know this... to hear this from my heart.

Virginia

Terri Rimmer,



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Date: 22 Aug 2007 05:09:58 -0700






The Irishman's Wish

An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie. It says, "I will give you three wishes."
The man thinks awhile. Finally he says, "I want a beer that never is empty."

With that, the genie makes a poof sound and on the bar is a bottle of beer. The Irishman starts drinking it and right before it is gone, it starts to refill. The genie asks about his next two wishes.

The man says, "I want two more of these."



Payin' The Bills
People who love a good laugh, You Rule.
Have you heard the one about long-term cell contracts?
Virgin Mobile presents: plans without annual contracts.







Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019

Date: 19 Aug 2007 05:09:28 -0700






Surprise Package

A man was drinking in a bar when he noticed this beautiful young lady sitting next to him. "Hello there," says the man, "and what is your name?"
"Hello," giggles the woman, "I'm Stacey. What's yours?"

"I'm Jim."

"Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight? I mean, right now??"

"Sure!" replies Jim, "Let's go!"

So Stacey takes Jim to her house and takes him to her room. Jim sits down on the bed and notices a picture of a man on Stacey's desk. "Stacey, I noticed the picture of a man on your desk," Jim says.

"Yes? And what about it?" asks Stacey.

"Is it your brother?"

"No, it isn't, Jim!" Stacey giggles. Jim's eyes widen, suspecting that it might be Stacey's husband.

When he finally asks, "Is it your husband?"

Stacey giggles even more, "No, silly!" Jim was relieved.

"Then, it must be your boyfriend!"

Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim's ear. She says, "No, silly!!"

"Then, who is it?" Jim asks.

Stacey replies, "That's me BEFORE my operation!!"



Payin' The Bills
A pose is worth a thousand pictures. Pictures of a pose are
potentially worth a trip Vegas with 5 of your friends.
Submit yours and Captain Morgan may just make your day.







Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019

The Invisible Woman



I would walk into a room and no one would notice. I would say something
to my family - like 'Turn the TV down, please' - and nothing would
happen. Nobody would get up, or even make a move for the remote. I
would stand there for a minute, and then I would say again, a little
louder, 'Would someone turn the TV down?' Nothing.



Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party. We'd been
there for about three hours and I was ready to leave. I noticed he was
talking to a friend from work. So I walked over, and when there was a
break in the conversation, I whispered, 'I'm ready to go when you are.'
He just kept right on talking. That's when I started to put all the
pieces together. I don't think he can see me. I don't think anyone can
see me.



I'm invisible.



It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the
way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and
ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm
on
the phone?' Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or
cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the
corner, because no one can see me at all.



I'm invisible.



Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this?
Can
you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands;
I'm
not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a
satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a
car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.' I was certain that these
were
the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and
the
mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into
the peanut butter, never to be seen again.





She's going she's going she's gone!





One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of
a
friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip,
and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was
sitting
there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was
hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my
out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean.
My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I
could
actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when
Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I
brought you this.'



It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly
sure
why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte,
with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one
sees.'



In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would
discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after
which I could pattern my work:



* No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no
record of their names.

* These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would
never see finished.

* They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

* The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that
the
eyes of God saw everything.



A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the
cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny
bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why
are
you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be
covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied,
'Because God sees.'



I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was
almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see
the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No
act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake
you've
baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a
great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'



At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a
disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my
own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.



I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As
one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see
finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The
writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever
be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to
sacrifice to that degree.



As mothers and teachers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be
seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the
world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty
that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible
women...



We are separated from our Creator if we allow our actions to separate
us
from each another.

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Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 16 Aug 2007 05:11:16 -0700






The Man With No Voice

One night, a man with no voice and his friend went to a bar. The men at the bar wanted to know what he would like in a woman. He pointed to his head. His friend explained that he wanted a smart woman. Then, he rubbed his thumb on the palm of his hand. His friend explained that he wanted a woman with money. Then, he opened his hands wide, bent his fingers, and made them cupped. He bounced them under his chest. His friend looked at him kinda wierd.
"What the heck do you want a woman with arthritis for?"



Payin' The Bills
A pose is worth a thousand pictures. Pictures of a pose are
potentially worth a trip Vegas with 5 of your friends.
Submit yours and Captain Morgan may just make your day.







Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019

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Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 13 Aug 2007 05:09:32 -0700






Gettin' Drunk

One day this guy was sitting at this bar in Chicago and looks over and sees this guy that looks exactly like him. He says to the guy, "Hey you look just like me!"

The other man agrees and asks, "Where are you from?"

The first guy answers, "Chicago."

"Me too!" says the second guy, "What street do you live on?"

"Forty-Ninth Street," answers the first guy.

"Me too!" says the second guy, becoming increasingly excited. "What's your address?"

''951."

"Me too! Wow, this is incredible! What are your parents' names?"

"John and Cathy," says the first guy.

"Me too!" shouts the second guy. "I wonder if we're related!?"

Meanwhile, the bartenders are changing shifts and the guy coming on asks if anything is new.

"No," says the first bartender, "just the Smith twins, drunk again."










Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2007 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Egg donor

Click here to see the page on Glamour.com: http://www.glamour.com/news/articles/2007/08/bethbrenner

"It is better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret."
~ Jackie Joyner-Kersee

wordtrix@hotmail.com) thought you'd like to see this on glamour.com:

Click here to see the page on Glamour.com: http://www.glamour.com/lifestyle/blogs/editor

In Sept. Glamour

I get to see my little girl Monday. Haven't seen her since Jan.

Heard this on the radio today about cats:

According to the latest research, cats have problem-solving skills and learn by trial and error and observation. They also have the brain of a toddler.

A Struggle Inside AA
Recovering alcoholics say a Washington, D.C., group has hijacked the 12-step program's name.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18368218/site/newsweek/from/ET/

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 31 Jul 2007 05:09:26 -0700






The Scottie Dog Who Knew Karate

There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.
So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, "I need a good guard dog."

And the clerk replied, "Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate."

The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair."

The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, "Karate that table." The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. But then she told her husband that it knew karate, and he said "Karate my ass!"



Payin' The Bills
Superbad
In Theaters August 17th
Come Get Some







Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2007 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Terri Rimmer,

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Lending a Flipper
Dolphins make a splash with a mystifying health modality.
By Jessica Ridenour
There are many mysteries in our universe that remain unsolved: the downfall of the dinosaurs, life on other planets and how a single sock can disappear in the dryer. Why Dolphin Assisted Therapy (DAT) is beneficial for treating a host of disorders—including autism, physical and mental disabilities, post-traumatic stress, spine and brain injuries, anxiety and depression—might be another one of those unsolved enigmas, but that doesn’t make it any less relevant for the true believers who deem that these friendly, super-smart mammals have the power to ease what ails you.
Humans’ fascination with dolphins’ intellect and innocent playfulness dates back to the time of Aristotle, who was the first scientist to study cetaceans (dolphins, whales and porpoises). In the 1950s, Dr. John Lilly (who also invented the floatation tanks discussed in June ET’s Holistic Healing) studied communication between humans and dolphins. In the 60s, the US Navy launched its Marine Mammal Program, in which dolphins were trained to locate mines, perform underwater surveillance (thanks to fin-mounted cameras), bring equipment to divers and more. Cetaceans’ potential impact on human well-being entered the picture in the 70s, when Dr. Betsy Smith first introduced the idea of dolphin therapy. Today, the dolphin allure endures, with DAT centers located around the world.
One such center is Island Dolphin Care (www.islanddolphincare.org) in Key Largo, Florida. This nonprofit group offers intensive dolphin therapy sessions for special-needs kids, including those with life-threatening conditions and long-term, chronic physical, mental or emotional disabilities. Accom­panied by a therapist, children at the center can interact with dolphins from a platform or enter the water for one-on-one play sessions with the helpful creatures. Often used in conjunction with human-assisted therapy, dolphin swims can help children who may struggle in everyday life to suddenly feel empowered, confident and free.
“It’s a recreational, motivational and educational experience,” says program manager Pete Hoagland. “We see some kids have major breakthroughs. I would say at the very least the kids have a remarkable experience and I would say in most cases the kids in the programs move in one way or another towards a positive outcome, whatever their challenge might’ve been.” Hoagland, whose wife Deena is a therapist and executive director of the organization, compares the program to other animal therapy modalities, such as equestrian therapy, but notes that floating in the water with a dolphin is likely easier for a severely impaired child than riding a horse.
The Hoaglands were no strangers to the benefits of DAT even before founding IDC. After their son, Joe, was born with a heart defect and was left paralyzed on his left side by a stroke at age three, his parents took him to swim with the dolphins as often as possible. He is now a college-age adult with few remaining symptoms of his stroke.
“We’ve seen some remarkable things here, using the excitement and motivation of the dolphins, which is a powerful tool,” says Pete, “and we do see kids say their first words or take their first steps, or change the behavior that was not productive.” But he’s quick to add that there is no “miracle” to be found here. “We absolutely do not suggest that dolphins can cure or heal,” he says. “There’s no hard science or research that would allow us to promote it, and so we don’t; but animals and kids in general have something of a natural connection.”

The Dolphin is IN
Children aren’t the only ones who benefit from dolphins. Florida-based nurse and bodywork practitioner Corinna Soumerai has been swimming with dolphins, both in the wild and in captivity, for over 25 years. For her, it’s more of a spiritual, personal encounter. “When I had my first experience with a dolphin, I wept,” she reveals. “The connection I had by looking into the dolphin’s eyes was so deep for me; I felt a sense of love, a sense of being home...like I was with an enlightened entity.” Visiting with a psychotherapist was unfulfilling for Soumerai; instead, she would swim with dolphins, returning from each swim with a permanent smile on her face, profound emotional healing and deep sleep afterward. “I liked the results I got with a bigger being or a bigger force of nature,” she says. “I think that the cetaceans are here to remind us that we were once connected and are still connected to nature.”
While the jury is still officially out as to why DAT is such a powerfully effective therapy for some patients, theories abound. One such hypothesis is based on dolphins’ use of sonar and what is called echolocation. Dolphins use echolocation to navigate, find food and communicate with other dolphins. They send out a signal—a clicking sound to us humans—and then the signal bounces back, letting them know what lies ahead—in essence “seeing” with sound.
Through echolocation, dolphins can allegedly detect pregnancy, as well as tumors or other illnesses in humans. Dolphins’ echolocation is also said to induce changes in a person’s cellular membranes and body tissue, creating healing and deep relaxation—and people say they can actually feel it happening. The physiological effects are similar to that of music therapy. Some simply believe that swimming with dolphins is fun and that the unconditional love of dolphins imparts a feeling of joy in humans; others even believe that dolphins are extraterrestrials or angels sent to Earth to save our species.
Regardless of the mechanisms behind DAT’s benefits, these incredibly intelligent, remarkably sensitive creatures have much to share with humankind. Swimming with dolphins can be a soothing, otherworldly experience that distracts adults from the problems in their lives, fills physically challenged children with excitement and a zest for life...and quite possibly stimulates healing by connecting humans with our true natural origins. All it takes is a life vest and an open mind.

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 29 Jul 2007 05:09:26 -0700






This old couple is ready to go to sleep so ...

This old couple is ready to go to sleep so the old man lies on the bed but the old woman lies down on the floor.
The old man asks, "Why are you going to sleep on the floor?"

The old woman says, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change."



Payin' The Bills
Superbad
In Theaters August 17th
Come Get Some








Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2007 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 26 Jul 2007 09:59:43 -0700






Dating a Prostitute

A guy is on a date with this girl, so he takes her to Lover's Lane.
When they get up there, she says, ''I have to be honest with you, I'm a hooker.'' The guy thinks about this for a short time and says it's okay. He agrees to pay her $25 and they start having sex.

After they finish, the guy says, ''I have to be honest with you now. I'm a cab driver and it'll cost you $25 for me to drive you back into town.''



Payin' The Bills
Red Stripe
Its beer!
Hooray Beer!™







Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2007 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

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When People Try to Raise Their Nieces or Nephews
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/318394/when_people_try_to_raise_their_nieces.html

In August Glamour

Click here to see the page on Glamour.com: http://www.glamour.com/health/articles/2007/07/20goodthings

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 22 Jul 2007 05:09:28 -0700






Tight Skirt, Bus Stop

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"

Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."











Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

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In-Laws and Out-Laws

What's the difference between out-laws, and in-laws?

Out-laws are wanted.










Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Paraplegic

There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who...
1) would treat her nicely
2) wouldn't run away from her
3) would be good in bed.
Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.

"I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."

"Yes, but are you good in bed?"

"How do you think I rang the doorbell?"











Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

In August Glamour

Click here to see the page on Glamour.com: http://origin.www.glamour.com/news/articles/2007/07/lunchdate

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 13 Jul 2007 05:09:24 -0700






The Firing Squad

A man was scheduled to go before a firing squad for his crimes. The evening before his execution, he was asked what he wanted for his last meal. He refused the meal completely.
The next morning the man was brought before the firing squad. When asked for his last request, the man said he had none. The General in charge of his execution asked him, ''Sir, you refused your last meal and your last request. Isn't there anything you want before you die?''

The man thought for a moment, then said, ''Music has always been an important part of my life. If I could do but one thing before I die, would you allow me to sing my favorite song from beginning to end, without interruption?''

The General thought this was a reasonable request, and ordered his men to lower their weapons and to not interrupt for the duration of the song.

''Ten million bottles of beer on the wall...''











Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

To view this email as a web page, click here.




Editor's Note

Many of the authors we work with at AuthorHouse want to publish their work because they have a strong desire to share their stories with others. These are writers who have overcome obstacles, learned from their own history and want to offer a message of hope to those who may be searching in a time of need. With today's constant media coverage of death, war and conflict, writers trying to plant seeds of hope for the next generation cannot be taken for granted.

One particularly inspiring story of hope is that of Lori Lober, featured in this month's Author Corner. Lober was diagnosed with stage-four cancer, but now, seven years later there is no evidence of the disease in her body. With a strong desire to share her story with other cancer patients, Lober has published the journal she kept while undergoing treatment. She is not only a source of inspiration for those in dire health, but for anyone who aspires to share their personal message of hope.

Enjoy this issue!

Kind regards,

Erica Dorocke (vip@authorhouse.com)
Editor

In This Issue:
Lori Lober turned her stage-four cancer diagnosis into a story of hope.
Author Corner >>
___________________________________

Finding the best words in your writing may require a new form.
Writing Feature >>
___________________________________

Attracting readers to your Web site requires carefully chosen content.
Marketing Feature >>
___________________________________

AuthorHouse named official book publishing resource partner for the largest organization of business and personal coaches in the world.
AuthorHouse News >>



Author Corner

Author Transforms Cancer Diagnosis into a Source of Hope

Many writers keep a journal so they can constantly capture those fleeting ideas that arrive in moments of inspiration, whether it is in the midst of a summer thunderstorm or in the moments of surreal silence before we drift off to sleep. Lori Lober, though she'd tell you she's not a "writer," started keeping a journal when she was originally diagnosed with stage-four cancer. Seven years later, Lober has repeatedly received a "no evidence of disease" diagnosis and continues to live each day with a desire to plant the seeds of hope in patients who face an advanced stage cancer diagnosis.

Read more >>



Marketing Feature

Creating Effective Content for Your Web Site

Once you've handled the logistics of setting up a Web site and established a visible Web presence for your book, you'll need to choose content to feature on your site. Attracting readers to your Web site--and keeping them coming back--requires a coordinated effort to make your site fast, convenient and packed with information that is useful, specific and regularly updated.

Read more >>



Writing Feature

Playing Around With Your Words

The dreaded "writer's block" can strike at any time. It tends to surface when writers start on a new topic or get bogged down trying to conform to a particular expectation or structure. Sometimes all it takes to get the creative juices flowing again is experimentation in a new form or genre, which allows you to play around with your style and word selection and return to your work with fresh ideas and a new perspective.

Read more >>



AuthorHouse News

AuthorHouse Named ICF Book Publishing Partner

AuthorHouse was named the official resource partner for book publishing for the International Coach Federation in a joint announcement made by Bryan S. Smith, president and CEO of AuthorHouse and Gary E. Boyler, executive director of the ICF.

The International Coach Federation is the largest worldwide resource for business and personal coaches, and the source for those who are seeking a coach. ICF has more than 12,000 members in 81 countries around the world.

"Publishing a book is one of the methods our members can utilize to build their coaching practice," Boyler said. "By partnering with AuthorHouse, ICF provides its membership with the means to publish, promote and distribute books worldwide, which will contribute in substantial measure to the global coaching body of knowledge."

Read more >>
What's New at AuthorHouse

Congratulations to Award-Winning Authors


Barbara and Jon Hall's Adam's Eve won the Silver Award in the ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year awards. Adam's Eve explores our culture's shifting gender roles and provides knowledge for making important decisions within this transition.


Jacqueline Miconi's Celebrate...Italian Style was a 2007 New York Book Festival runner-up for non-fiction. Dr. Debi Warner was honored by the New York Book Festival for her "how-to" book Renovation Psychology.



Conferences & Events to Attend Contests to Enter
Find inspiration and education at a writers' conference near you in 2007.
View Conferences & Events >> Ready for a challenge? Get the new year off to a great start by entering contests in 2007.
Contests to Enter >>


>Author Corner | Writing Feature | Book Marketing | AuthorHouse News | Conferences | Contests

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Family Fun Day
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/309314/family_fun_day.html

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 10 Jul 2007 05:09:21 -0700






Stuttering Problem

A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient.
Doctor: "It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this annoying problem of stuttering."

"Ddddd octttor. Whhaaat cccan I dddo?"

The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and states that there is a procedure where we can free up the strain on the vocal cords by removing the six inches from the penis and freeing him from this horrible problem. The patient stuttering badly states that this problem has caused him so much embarrassment as well as loss of employment that anything would be worth it. The doctor plans for the procedure. The operation is a success and six months later the patient comes in for his check up.

Patient: Doctor, the operation was a success. I have not stuttered since the operation. I have a great job and my self esteem is fantastic. However, there is one problem, my wife says that she sort of misses the great sex we used to have before the extra six inches were removed. So I was wondering if it is possible to reattach those six inches.

The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and says: "I dddoonnnbt ttthhhinkkkk thatttt wooould bbbbee possssssibbble!"



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Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

In the August Glamour

Click here to see the page on Glamour.com: http://origin.www.glamour.com/news/slideshows/2007/07/coworkers

The Loneliest People Preview
http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/i_video/main500251.shtml?id=2272728n
CBS News Online

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Journaling Benefits Cancer Patients and Caregivers
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/305284/journaling_benefits_cancer_patients.html

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Resources for Poor Job Hunters
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/293266/resources_for_poor_job_hunters.html

Baby Delivery
>
>Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house
>was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a
>flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the
>baby.
>
>Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.
>
>Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.
>
>The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom.
>Connor began to cry.
>
>The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed
>3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
>
>Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the
>first place... smack his ass again!"

In Appreciation of One Birth Mom's Story by Kori Rodley Irons
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/78004/in_appreciation_of_one_birth_moms_story.html

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Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 28 Jun 2007 05:11:05 -0700






Lawyer... Genius


Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50?
A: Your honor.



Payin' The Bills
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Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

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Salon Celebrates Birthday
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/294271/salon_celebrates_birthday.html

Adoption Book available on booklocker.com under Family heading then search under "MacKenzie's Hope."

Contact | FAQ | Publish & Sell | Getting Your Books/Ebooks | Wholesale Orders | Search | Home




Title: MacKenzie's Hope
Author: Terri Rimmer
Format: PDF (ebook)
Pages: 238


Ebook: $10.00 BUY Ebook



Category: Family
About the Book
Free Excerpt From The Book (requires Adobe Acrobat Reader)

MacKenzie's Hope is the true story of one birth mom's experience placing her child in a semi-open adoption while living in a maternity home in Fort Worth, TX. The story takes place in the year 2000 and includes a childhood background of the author/birth mom detailing her many obstacles throughout life such as alcoholism, depression, sexual and physical abuse, sex addiction, and bipolar disorder. While the story is at times tragic it is also the portrait of a woman who will not and does not give up despite what others tell her throughout her life.

The story begins when Tara, the birth mom finds out she is pregnant for the first time at the age of 34. For 14 years she did not think she was physically capable of having children so this pregnancy news was a huge shock and not happy news given the birth mom's mental and physical conditions. The birth mom is in constant conflict, which she later resolves, between society's expectations of her as a mother preparing to have a child and her own resolve to give her child the home she deserves. Tara deals continuously with guilt, shame, remorse, and regret before, during, and after her decision to place her only child for adoption, however she does come to terms with her commitment eventually after a series of painful and intense self-discoveries on her path to peace and happiness.

The book gives the reader a rare look at what it is like to make an adoption decision from the birth mom's standpoint and also includes the experiences of the adoptive parents, the birth mom's siblings, adoptive parents - families, and other adoptive children, the birth father, biological grandparents, relatives, and house parents who work in the maternity home. The story is one of rich detail and imagery captured from the eyes of the birth mom and her emotions, experiences, and memories coupled with the communications from her significant others which include a close relationship with the adoptive parents she later chooses for her child.




About the Author
Terri Rimmer has 21 years of journalism experience, having worked for ten newspapers and some magazines. In 2003 her life story was published online at Adoption Week E-Magazine's website and in 2002 she received a grant from the PEN American Writer's Fund in New York City.







Our Ebooks are in PDF. All you need to read them is
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Hello,

wordtrix just joined DoMyStuff.com and would like to send you an
invitation. With DoMyStuff.com, you can outsource your chores and errands to
businesses and individuals located near you. That means more time for
you and the things you want to do!

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Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 25 Jun 2007 05:09:24 -0700






English Patient

An English guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father began to breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed. With his last ounce of strength he wrote a note, dropped it, and died.
The son was so overcome with grief that he didn't remember slipping the note into his pocket. At the funeral, he reached into the pocket of his coat and immediately felt the note. He excitedly read it thinking it might be something he could recite during the service. It said:

YOU WANKER -- GET OFF MY OXYGEN PIPE!!!



Payin' The Bills
You lock your keys in the car, get lost or break down on the side of the road. But you don't worry. Because you're smart--you get the OnStar treatment.







Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

SKINNY DIPPING
>>
>>An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years.
>>He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely: Picnic tables,
>>horseshoe courts, a volleyball court, and some apple and peach
>>trees.
>>The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming.
>>One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond and
>>look it over, as he hadn't been there in a while. He grabbed a
>>five-gallon
>>bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard
>>voices
>>shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a
>>bunch
>>of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware
>>of his
>>presence and they all went to the deep end.
>>One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you
>>leave!"
>>The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies
>>swim
>>naked or make you get out of the pond naked."
>>Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
>>Old men can still think fast.
>

Date: Mon, 18 Jun 2007 21:19:35 -0600



Terri Rimmer,

You just published on Associated Content! View your content here:
www.associatedcontent.com/article/285793/animal_hoarding_on_the_rise.html

Thought you'd like to see this on glamour.com

In July Glamour - Life With Cancer

Found silver jewelry Columbus Day weekend Oct. 2006 at Days Inn in Adel, Georgia. Must identify one special item in box. Have been looking for owner for over a year. Email wordtrix@hotmail.com.

Tributes to Dad by Terri Rimmer

http://www.associatedcontent.com/slideshow/541/tributes_to_dad_.html

Terri also added this note:
Father's Day Photo Tribute to my step dad

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Ultimate Summer Weekend Escapes
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/264945/ultimate_summer_weekend_escapes.html

Terri Rimmer,
I've just been published on Associated Content. Check it out:

At & T Out to Lunch Concert Series
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/268287/at_t_out_to_lunch_concert_series.html

You just published on Associated Content! View your content here:
www.associatedcontent.com/article/256703/harry_ransom_center.html

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 28 May 2007 05:09:15 -0700






Teaching a Buncha Hooligans

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?"
"I just saw one of your garters!"

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

"I just saw both of your garters!"

Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.

"From what I just saw, my school days are over!"



Payin' The Bills
If you haven't played Wii yet, go get your hands on it.
You’ll feel more connected to the game than ever before.
Experience Wii from Nintendo at wii.com








Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

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Texas House Bill CSSB 758: Restricting Foster Parent Eligibility Based Solely Upon Sexual Orientation
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/251099/texas_house_bill_cssb_758_restricting.html

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 21 May 2007 05:09:19 -0700






Baby Talk

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," said his mom, "Of course not."

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"










Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Subject: Fwd: COOL TIPS




I haven't tried these, but it would be nice if they really worked. Let me know if you try any of these suggestions and they work for you. Linda/Mom

Eliminate ear mites. All it takes is a few drops of Wesson corn oil in your cat's ear...Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing.

Kills fleas instantly...Dawn dishwashing liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Good-bye fleas. THIS WORKS OUR NEW PUP WAS LOADED WITH FLEA WHEN WE GOT IT..THIS DID THE TRICK

Rainy day cure for dog odor ...Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh. Did You Know that drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately-- without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional "pain relievers."

Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns.

Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try c hewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. ! They'll clear up your stuffed nose.

Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.

Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.

Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly-- even though the product was never been advertised for this use.

Honey remedy for skin blemishes ... Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.

Listerine therapy for toenail fungus. Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.

Easy eyeglass protection... To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.

Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer ... If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly.

Smart splinter remover. Just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.

Hunt's tomato paste boil cure ...cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.

Balm for broken blisters... To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine. a powerful antiseptic.

Vinegar to heal bruises ... Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.

Quaker Oats for fast pain relief... It's not for breakfast any more! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing reli ef from arthritis pain.

If you send this to 10 people and only one of them doesn't know about this, then it was worth it.

My latest published work:

You just published on Associated Content! View your content here:
www.associatedcontent.com/article/246511/hunger_awareness_day_rally.html

Terri Rimmer,

You just published on Associated Content! View your content here:
www.associatedcontent.com/article/247748/rhode_island_daughter_organizes_cancer.html

Terrible Twos... If you opened it, you haveto do it.
Don't forgetto send it back to me too for fun!!?
Copy and paste into a new email and enter yur answers


Two Names You Go By:
1. Terri
2. The family historian (by my sister)

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Blouse
2. Khakis

Two Things You Want in a Relationship:
1. Humor
2. Intelligence

Two of Your Favorite Things to do:
1. Movies
2. Travel

Two Things You Want Very Badly At The
Moment:
1. Money
2. Losing weight

Two pets you had/have:
1. Ripley
2. Marbles

Two people who will fill this out first:
1. ?
2. ?

Two things you did last night:
1. Watch TV
2. Wrote

Two people who live at your house:?
1.
2.

Two things you ate today:
1. Cookies
2. Tacos

Two people you talked to last:?
1. Jon
2. Stephanie

Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1. Pet sitting
2. Errands

Two longest car rides?:
1. Ga. to TX
2. Ga. to OK

Two Favorite Holidays:
1. Christmas
2. Halloween

Two favorite beverages:
1. Coke
2. Cherry Coke

I've just been published on Associated Content. Check it out:

Severe Weather in Fort Worth, TX
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/240978/severe_weather_in_fort_worth_tx.html

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Southern Womyn's Festival
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/231359/southern_womyns_festival.html

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Texas Race Week
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/215476/texas_race_week.html

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 24 Apr 2007 14:40:11 -0700






Tard with a Tie

What do you call a mentally disabled person in a fancy suit?

Mr. President.

Yesterday was my birth daughter's adoption finalization anniversary. It was six years ago that they went to court.

Texas Foster Care Bill

By Terri Rimmer

The Texas House of Representatives began floor debate on HB 1, the General Appropriations Bill on March 29th that could affect whether gay people can be foster parents.

The bill is intended to be the state’s budget and not a vehicle for the writing of policy.

Equality Texas was urging all citizens to contact their state representatives two weeks ago and ask him/her to vote against any amendment which seeks to restrict or ban qualified gay and lesbian parents from serving as foster parents.

“Banning or restricting qualified families will hurt Texas children,” an Equality rep said. “17,536 children were removed from homes by the Department of Family and Protective Services (DFPS) after investigation in 2006.”

According to research, 34,275 children were under state legal custody last year and from 1999 to 2003, the number of children in foster care rose 40 percent.

DFPS projects that the number of children in foster care will increase nearly 30 percent by 2009.

The result of a ban would reduce the pool of qualified foster homes which is already insufficient to meet the need, the Equality rep wrote.

“A ban would limit resources available to family members under kinship care and could disqualify them from taking care of family members, placing even more children into an overburdened system,” she writes. “A ban or ‘preference’ system would cost Texas an estimated $8-$15 million due to increase cost of eligibility screening, costs of removing children from safe, stable, and otherwise qualified homes, increased administrative and group home costs, and costs of related litigation.”

According to Equality literature, every dollar spent enforcing a ban is a dollar that could have been spent on direct care for Texas children and their families and professional should make child placement decisions.

Several freshmen state reps were new to the House and were not present in 2005 when the House passed the Talton Amendment to SB6 by a vote of 81 to 58 banning gay and lesbian foster parents. Ten state reps voted for the amendment.

For more information, go to house.state.tx.us.

In other Equality Texas news, staff is urging citizens to support HB 247 for non-discrimination in insurance regarding sexual orientation or gender identity/expression. The American Bar Association’s policy states “State laws should prohibit insurance discrimination based on sexual orientation.”

According to an email sent out by Equality, “Transgender people throughout the state are excluded from the health insurance industry and/or denied coverage for medically necessary procedures at alarming rates.”

May Glamour

Click here to see the page on Glamour.com: http://www.glamour.com/news/articles/2007/04/curegay

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 4 Apr 2007 05:10:53 -0700






Divorced and Drunk


A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table, until the wife asks,

"Do you know her?"

"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"










Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Check out tonylovestina.com

Site:

Check out Dontdatehimgirl.com

Remember the 3 Cs:
You didn't cause it.
You can't control it.
You can't cure it.

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 10 Mar 2007 05:08:49 -0800






Blonde and Picture

Q: Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room?
A: So she could use it as a mirror.










Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.