Saving one animal won't change the world, but it will change the world for that one animal.

Terri Rimmer,



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Found out about this Fort Worth program yesterday called CAP that helps with electric bills. It stands for Community Action Partners and if you furnish a copy of the current utility bill, i.d., and proof of income by appt. only they will review the case. It's part of the Fort Worth Parks and Community Services Dept.



The phone number is 817-392-1650.



There is also a Cowboy Santas Holiday Program that you call on Sept. 4th to sign up. That number is 817-871-6605.

Terri~

What a gift of love you have given McKenna, as a really doting Mema of Aidan, I truly realize the profound gift... words cannot describe. I am thankful for you for the opportunity you have of sharing her life. It really does give you both, & her mom, such a blessing.

Shelley had planned an open adoption, but after a fiasco where the girl changed her mind (evidently had been with a couple of guys & ended up finding out the baby was the white guy's, which I think was her plan all along, to keep it)... well, to say the least it was an awful, emotional experience, the girl even used their name, so they truly felt like they had miscarried... couldn't even use that name. Made me really sad, as it was my mother's maiden name, Garrett, & Christopher, which was my grandfather's name. So she ended up going the opposite.

At any rate, I am so very thankful for the decision Aidan's birthmom made, & we are determined our baby will have the best life we can provide... not the most affluent, but rich in love & experiences shared. We (I was there when the call came!) got the call about Aidan 12 days after his birth Aug. 19, '03 (just celebrated his 4th!), so it was Aug. 29... she picked him up Aug. 31st! Life has NEVER been the same! Shelley & I both discuss how much that selfless decision made by birthmothers like you means, & I want you to know this... to hear this from my heart.

Virginia

Terri Rimmer,



You've been published on Associated Content! View your content here:
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Date: 22 Aug 2007 05:09:58 -0700






The Irishman's Wish

An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie. It says, "I will give you three wishes."
The man thinks awhile. Finally he says, "I want a beer that never is empty."

With that, the genie makes a poof sound and on the bar is a bottle of beer. The Irishman starts drinking it and right before it is gone, it starts to refill. The genie asks about his next two wishes.

The man says, "I want two more of these."



Payin' The Bills
People who love a good laugh, You Rule.
Have you heard the one about long-term cell contracts?
Virgin Mobile presents: plans without annual contracts.







Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019

Date: 19 Aug 2007 05:09:28 -0700






Surprise Package

A man was drinking in a bar when he noticed this beautiful young lady sitting next to him. "Hello there," says the man, "and what is your name?"
"Hello," giggles the woman, "I'm Stacey. What's yours?"

"I'm Jim."

"Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight? I mean, right now??"

"Sure!" replies Jim, "Let's go!"

So Stacey takes Jim to her house and takes him to her room. Jim sits down on the bed and notices a picture of a man on Stacey's desk. "Stacey, I noticed the picture of a man on your desk," Jim says.

"Yes? And what about it?" asks Stacey.

"Is it your brother?"

"No, it isn't, Jim!" Stacey giggles. Jim's eyes widen, suspecting that it might be Stacey's husband.

When he finally asks, "Is it your husband?"

Stacey giggles even more, "No, silly!" Jim was relieved.

"Then, it must be your boyfriend!"

Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim's ear. She says, "No, silly!!"

"Then, who is it?" Jim asks.

Stacey replies, "That's me BEFORE my operation!!"



Payin' The Bills
A pose is worth a thousand pictures. Pictures of a pose are
potentially worth a trip Vegas with 5 of your friends.
Submit yours and Captain Morgan may just make your day.







Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019

The Invisible Woman



I would walk into a room and no one would notice. I would say something
to my family - like 'Turn the TV down, please' - and nothing would
happen. Nobody would get up, or even make a move for the remote. I
would stand there for a minute, and then I would say again, a little
louder, 'Would someone turn the TV down?' Nothing.



Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party. We'd been
there for about three hours and I was ready to leave. I noticed he was
talking to a friend from work. So I walked over, and when there was a
break in the conversation, I whispered, 'I'm ready to go when you are.'
He just kept right on talking. That's when I started to put all the
pieces together. I don't think he can see me. I don't think anyone can
see me.



I'm invisible.



It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the
way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and
ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm
on
the phone?' Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or
cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the
corner, because no one can see me at all.



I'm invisible.



Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this?
Can
you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands;
I'm
not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a
satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a
car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.' I was certain that these
were
the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and
the
mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into
the peanut butter, never to be seen again.





She's going she's going she's gone!





One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of
a
friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip,
and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was
sitting
there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was
hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my
out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean.
My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I
could
actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when
Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I
brought you this.'



It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly
sure
why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte,
with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one
sees.'



In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would
discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after
which I could pattern my work:



* No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no
record of their names.

* These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would
never see finished.

* They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

* The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that
the
eyes of God saw everything.



A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the
cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny
bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why
are
you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be
covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied,
'Because God sees.'



I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was
almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see
the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No
act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake
you've
baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a
great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'



At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a
disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my
own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.



I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As
one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see
finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The
writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever
be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to
sacrifice to that degree.



As mothers and teachers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be
seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the
world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty
that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible
women...



We are separated from our Creator if we allow our actions to separate
us
from each another.

You've been published on Associated Content! View your content here:
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Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 16 Aug 2007 05:11:16 -0700






The Man With No Voice

One night, a man with no voice and his friend went to a bar. The men at the bar wanted to know what he would like in a woman. He pointed to his head. His friend explained that he wanted a smart woman. Then, he rubbed his thumb on the palm of his hand. His friend explained that he wanted a woman with money. Then, he opened his hands wide, bent his fingers, and made them cupped. He bounced them under his chest. His friend looked at him kinda wierd.
"What the heck do you want a woman with arthritis for?"



Payin' The Bills
A pose is worth a thousand pictures. Pictures of a pose are
potentially worth a trip Vegas with 5 of your friends.
Submit yours and Captain Morgan may just make your day.







Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019

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Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 13 Aug 2007 05:09:32 -0700






Gettin' Drunk

One day this guy was sitting at this bar in Chicago and looks over and sees this guy that looks exactly like him. He says to the guy, "Hey you look just like me!"

The other man agrees and asks, "Where are you from?"

The first guy answers, "Chicago."

"Me too!" says the second guy, "What street do you live on?"

"Forty-Ninth Street," answers the first guy.

"Me too!" says the second guy, becoming increasingly excited. "What's your address?"

''951."

"Me too! Wow, this is incredible! What are your parents' names?"

"John and Cathy," says the first guy.

"Me too!" shouts the second guy. "I wonder if we're related!?"

Meanwhile, the bartenders are changing shifts and the guy coming on asks if anything is new.

"No," says the first bartender, "just the Smith twins, drunk again."










Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2007 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Egg donor

Click here to see the page on Glamour.com: http://www.glamour.com/news/articles/2007/08/bethbrenner

"It is better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret."
~ Jackie Joyner-Kersee

wordtrix@hotmail.com) thought you'd like to see this on glamour.com:

Click here to see the page on Glamour.com: http://www.glamour.com/lifestyle/blogs/editor

In Sept. Glamour

I get to see my little girl Monday. Haven't seen her since Jan.

Heard this on the radio today about cats:

According to the latest research, cats have problem-solving skills and learn by trial and error and observation. They also have the brain of a toddler.

A Struggle Inside AA
Recovering alcoholics say a Washington, D.C., group has hijacked the 12-step program's name.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18368218/site/newsweek/from/ET/

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 31 Jul 2007 05:09:26 -0700






The Scottie Dog Who Knew Karate

There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.
So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, "I need a good guard dog."

And the clerk replied, "Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate."

The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair."

The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, "Karate that table." The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. But then she told her husband that it knew karate, and he said "Karate my ass!"



Payin' The Bills
Superbad
In Theaters August 17th
Come Get Some







Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2007 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Terri Rimmer,

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Lending a Flipper
Dolphins make a splash with a mystifying health modality.
By Jessica Ridenour
There are many mysteries in our universe that remain unsolved: the downfall of the dinosaurs, life on other planets and how a single sock can disappear in the dryer. Why Dolphin Assisted Therapy (DAT) is beneficial for treating a host of disorders—including autism, physical and mental disabilities, post-traumatic stress, spine and brain injuries, anxiety and depression—might be another one of those unsolved enigmas, but that doesn’t make it any less relevant for the true believers who deem that these friendly, super-smart mammals have the power to ease what ails you.
Humans’ fascination with dolphins’ intellect and innocent playfulness dates back to the time of Aristotle, who was the first scientist to study cetaceans (dolphins, whales and porpoises). In the 1950s, Dr. John Lilly (who also invented the floatation tanks discussed in June ET’s Holistic Healing) studied communication between humans and dolphins. In the 60s, the US Navy launched its Marine Mammal Program, in which dolphins were trained to locate mines, perform underwater surveillance (thanks to fin-mounted cameras), bring equipment to divers and more. Cetaceans’ potential impact on human well-being entered the picture in the 70s, when Dr. Betsy Smith first introduced the idea of dolphin therapy. Today, the dolphin allure endures, with DAT centers located around the world.
One such center is Island Dolphin Care (www.islanddolphincare.org) in Key Largo, Florida. This nonprofit group offers intensive dolphin therapy sessions for special-needs kids, including those with life-threatening conditions and long-term, chronic physical, mental or emotional disabilities. Accom­panied by a therapist, children at the center can interact with dolphins from a platform or enter the water for one-on-one play sessions with the helpful creatures. Often used in conjunction with human-assisted therapy, dolphin swims can help children who may struggle in everyday life to suddenly feel empowered, confident and free.
“It’s a recreational, motivational and educational experience,” says program manager Pete Hoagland. “We see some kids have major breakthroughs. I would say at the very least the kids have a remarkable experience and I would say in most cases the kids in the programs move in one way or another towards a positive outcome, whatever their challenge might’ve been.” Hoagland, whose wife Deena is a therapist and executive director of the organization, compares the program to other animal therapy modalities, such as equestrian therapy, but notes that floating in the water with a dolphin is likely easier for a severely impaired child than riding a horse.
The Hoaglands were no strangers to the benefits of DAT even before founding IDC. After their son, Joe, was born with a heart defect and was left paralyzed on his left side by a stroke at age three, his parents took him to swim with the dolphins as often as possible. He is now a college-age adult with few remaining symptoms of his stroke.
“We’ve seen some remarkable things here, using the excitement and motivation of the dolphins, which is a powerful tool,” says Pete, “and we do see kids say their first words or take their first steps, or change the behavior that was not productive.” But he’s quick to add that there is no “miracle” to be found here. “We absolutely do not suggest that dolphins can cure or heal,” he says. “There’s no hard science or research that would allow us to promote it, and so we don’t; but animals and kids in general have something of a natural connection.”

The Dolphin is IN
Children aren’t the only ones who benefit from dolphins. Florida-based nurse and bodywork practitioner Corinna Soumerai has been swimming with dolphins, both in the wild and in captivity, for over 25 years. For her, it’s more of a spiritual, personal encounter. “When I had my first experience with a dolphin, I wept,” she reveals. “The connection I had by looking into the dolphin’s eyes was so deep for me; I felt a sense of love, a sense of being home...like I was with an enlightened entity.” Visiting with a psychotherapist was unfulfilling for Soumerai; instead, she would swim with dolphins, returning from each swim with a permanent smile on her face, profound emotional healing and deep sleep afterward. “I liked the results I got with a bigger being or a bigger force of nature,” she says. “I think that the cetaceans are here to remind us that we were once connected and are still connected to nature.”
While the jury is still officially out as to why DAT is such a powerfully effective therapy for some patients, theories abound. One such hypothesis is based on dolphins’ use of sonar and what is called echolocation. Dolphins use echolocation to navigate, find food and communicate with other dolphins. They send out a signal—a clicking sound to us humans—and then the signal bounces back, letting them know what lies ahead—in essence “seeing” with sound.
Through echolocation, dolphins can allegedly detect pregnancy, as well as tumors or other illnesses in humans. Dolphins’ echolocation is also said to induce changes in a person’s cellular membranes and body tissue, creating healing and deep relaxation—and people say they can actually feel it happening. The physiological effects are similar to that of music therapy. Some simply believe that swimming with dolphins is fun and that the unconditional love of dolphins imparts a feeling of joy in humans; others even believe that dolphins are extraterrestrials or angels sent to Earth to save our species.
Regardless of the mechanisms behind DAT’s benefits, these incredibly intelligent, remarkably sensitive creatures have much to share with humankind. Swimming with dolphins can be a soothing, otherworldly experience that distracts adults from the problems in their lives, fills physically challenged children with excitement and a zest for life...and quite possibly stimulates healing by connecting humans with our true natural origins. All it takes is a life vest and an open mind.

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 29 Jul 2007 05:09:26 -0700






This old couple is ready to go to sleep so ...

This old couple is ready to go to sleep so the old man lies on the bed but the old woman lies down on the floor.
The old man asks, "Why are you going to sleep on the floor?"

The old woman says, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change."



Payin' The Bills
Superbad
In Theaters August 17th
Come Get Some








Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2007 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 26 Jul 2007 09:59:43 -0700






Dating a Prostitute

A guy is on a date with this girl, so he takes her to Lover's Lane.
When they get up there, she says, ''I have to be honest with you, I'm a hooker.'' The guy thinks about this for a short time and says it's okay. He agrees to pay her $25 and they start having sex.

After they finish, the guy says, ''I have to be honest with you now. I'm a cab driver and it'll cost you $25 for me to drive you back into town.''



Payin' The Bills
Red Stripe
Its beer!
Hooray Beer!™







Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2007 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

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When People Try to Raise Their Nieces or Nephews
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/318394/when_people_try_to_raise_their_nieces.html

In August Glamour

Click here to see the page on Glamour.com: http://www.glamour.com/health/articles/2007/07/20goodthings

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 22 Jul 2007 05:09:28 -0700






Tight Skirt, Bus Stop

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"

Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."











Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

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In-Laws and Out-Laws

What's the difference between out-laws, and in-laws?

Out-laws are wanted.










Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Paraplegic

There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who...
1) would treat her nicely
2) wouldn't run away from her
3) would be good in bed.
Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.

"I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."

"Yes, but are you good in bed?"

"How do you think I rang the doorbell?"











Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

In August Glamour

Click here to see the page on Glamour.com: http://origin.www.glamour.com/news/articles/2007/07/lunchdate

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 13 Jul 2007 05:09:24 -0700






The Firing Squad

A man was scheduled to go before a firing squad for his crimes. The evening before his execution, he was asked what he wanted for his last meal. He refused the meal completely.
The next morning the man was brought before the firing squad. When asked for his last request, the man said he had none. The General in charge of his execution asked him, ''Sir, you refused your last meal and your last request. Isn't there anything you want before you die?''

The man thought for a moment, then said, ''Music has always been an important part of my life. If I could do but one thing before I die, would you allow me to sing my favorite song from beginning to end, without interruption?''

The General thought this was a reasonable request, and ordered his men to lower their weapons and to not interrupt for the duration of the song.

''Ten million bottles of beer on the wall...''











Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

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Editor's Note

Many of the authors we work with at AuthorHouse want to publish their work because they have a strong desire to share their stories with others. These are writers who have overcome obstacles, learned from their own history and want to offer a message of hope to those who may be searching in a time of need. With today's constant media coverage of death, war and conflict, writers trying to plant seeds of hope for the next generation cannot be taken for granted.

One particularly inspiring story of hope is that of Lori Lober, featured in this month's Author Corner. Lober was diagnosed with stage-four cancer, but now, seven years later there is no evidence of the disease in her body. With a strong desire to share her story with other cancer patients, Lober has published the journal she kept while undergoing treatment. She is not only a source of inspiration for those in dire health, but for anyone who aspires to share their personal message of hope.

Enjoy this issue!

Kind regards,

Erica Dorocke (vip@authorhouse.com)
Editor

In This Issue:
Lori Lober turned her stage-four cancer diagnosis into a story of hope.
Author Corner >>
___________________________________

Finding the best words in your writing may require a new form.
Writing Feature >>
___________________________________

Attracting readers to your Web site requires carefully chosen content.
Marketing Feature >>
___________________________________

AuthorHouse named official book publishing resource partner for the largest organization of business and personal coaches in the world.
AuthorHouse News >>



Author Corner

Author Transforms Cancer Diagnosis into a Source of Hope

Many writers keep a journal so they can constantly capture those fleeting ideas that arrive in moments of inspiration, whether it is in the midst of a summer thunderstorm or in the moments of surreal silence before we drift off to sleep. Lori Lober, though she'd tell you she's not a "writer," started keeping a journal when she was originally diagnosed with stage-four cancer. Seven years later, Lober has repeatedly received a "no evidence of disease" diagnosis and continues to live each day with a desire to plant the seeds of hope in patients who face an advanced stage cancer diagnosis.

Read more >>



Marketing Feature

Creating Effective Content for Your Web Site

Once you've handled the logistics of setting up a Web site and established a visible Web presence for your book, you'll need to choose content to feature on your site. Attracting readers to your Web site--and keeping them coming back--requires a coordinated effort to make your site fast, convenient and packed with information that is useful, specific and regularly updated.

Read more >>



Writing Feature

Playing Around With Your Words

The dreaded "writer's block" can strike at any time. It tends to surface when writers start on a new topic or get bogged down trying to conform to a particular expectation or structure. Sometimes all it takes to get the creative juices flowing again is experimentation in a new form or genre, which allows you to play around with your style and word selection and return to your work with fresh ideas and a new perspective.

Read more >>



AuthorHouse News

AuthorHouse Named ICF Book Publishing Partner

AuthorHouse was named the official resource partner for book publishing for the International Coach Federation in a joint announcement made by Bryan S. Smith, president and CEO of AuthorHouse and Gary E. Boyler, executive director of the ICF.

The International Coach Federation is the largest worldwide resource for business and personal coaches, and the source for those who are seeking a coach. ICF has more than 12,000 members in 81 countries around the world.

"Publishing a book is one of the methods our members can utilize to build their coaching practice," Boyler said. "By partnering with AuthorHouse, ICF provides its membership with the means to publish, promote and distribute books worldwide, which will contribute in substantial measure to the global coaching body of knowledge."

Read more >>
What's New at AuthorHouse

Congratulations to Award-Winning Authors


Barbara and Jon Hall's Adam's Eve won the Silver Award in the ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year awards. Adam's Eve explores our culture's shifting gender roles and provides knowledge for making important decisions within this transition.


Jacqueline Miconi's Celebrate...Italian Style was a 2007 New York Book Festival runner-up for non-fiction. Dr. Debi Warner was honored by the New York Book Festival for her "how-to" book Renovation Psychology.



Conferences & Events to Attend Contests to Enter
Find inspiration and education at a writers' conference near you in 2007.
View Conferences & Events >> Ready for a challenge? Get the new year off to a great start by entering contests in 2007.
Contests to Enter >>


>Author Corner | Writing Feature | Book Marketing | AuthorHouse News | Conferences | Contests

I've just been published on Associated Content. Check it out:

Family Fun Day
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/309314/family_fun_day.html

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 10 Jul 2007 05:09:21 -0700






Stuttering Problem

A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient.
Doctor: "It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this annoying problem of stuttering."

"Ddddd octttor. Whhaaat cccan I dddo?"

The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and states that there is a procedure where we can free up the strain on the vocal cords by removing the six inches from the penis and freeing him from this horrible problem. The patient stuttering badly states that this problem has caused him so much embarrassment as well as loss of employment that anything would be worth it. The doctor plans for the procedure. The operation is a success and six months later the patient comes in for his check up.

Patient: Doctor, the operation was a success. I have not stuttered since the operation. I have a great job and my self esteem is fantastic. However, there is one problem, my wife says that she sort of misses the great sex we used to have before the extra six inches were removed. So I was wondering if it is possible to reattach those six inches.

The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and says: "I dddoonnnbt ttthhhinkkkk thatttt wooould bbbbee possssssibbble!"



Payin' The Bills
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Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

In the August Glamour

Click here to see the page on Glamour.com: http://origin.www.glamour.com/news/slideshows/2007/07/coworkers

The Loneliest People Preview
http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/i_video/main500251.shtml?id=2272728n
CBS News Online

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Journaling Benefits Cancer Patients and Caregivers
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/305284/journaling_benefits_cancer_patients.html

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Resources for Poor Job Hunters
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/293266/resources_for_poor_job_hunters.html

Baby Delivery
>
>Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house
>was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a
>flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the
>baby.
>
>Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.
>
>Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.
>
>The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom.
>Connor began to cry.
>
>The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed
>3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
>
>Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the
>first place... smack his ass again!"

In Appreciation of One Birth Mom's Story by Kori Rodley Irons
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/78004/in_appreciation_of_one_birth_moms_story.html

You just published on Associated Content! View your content here:
www.associatedcontent.com/article/298644/dallas_lesbian_festival.html

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 28 Jun 2007 05:11:05 -0700






Lawyer... Genius


Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50?
A: Your honor.



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Salon Celebrates Birthday
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/294271/salon_celebrates_birthday.html

Adoption Book available on booklocker.com under Family heading then search under "MacKenzie's Hope."

Contact | FAQ | Publish & Sell | Getting Your Books/Ebooks | Wholesale Orders | Search | Home




Title: MacKenzie's Hope
Author: Terri Rimmer
Format: PDF (ebook)
Pages: 238


Ebook: $10.00 BUY Ebook



Category: Family
About the Book
Free Excerpt From The Book (requires Adobe Acrobat Reader)

MacKenzie's Hope is the true story of one birth mom's experience placing her child in a semi-open adoption while living in a maternity home in Fort Worth, TX. The story takes place in the year 2000 and includes a childhood background of the author/birth mom detailing her many obstacles throughout life such as alcoholism, depression, sexual and physical abuse, sex addiction, and bipolar disorder. While the story is at times tragic it is also the portrait of a woman who will not and does not give up despite what others tell her throughout her life.

The story begins when Tara, the birth mom finds out she is pregnant for the first time at the age of 34. For 14 years she did not think she was physically capable of having children so this pregnancy news was a huge shock and not happy news given the birth mom's mental and physical conditions. The birth mom is in constant conflict, which she later resolves, between society's expectations of her as a mother preparing to have a child and her own resolve to give her child the home she deserves. Tara deals continuously with guilt, shame, remorse, and regret before, during, and after her decision to place her only child for adoption, however she does come to terms with her commitment eventually after a series of painful and intense self-discoveries on her path to peace and happiness.

The book gives the reader a rare look at what it is like to make an adoption decision from the birth mom's standpoint and also includes the experiences of the adoptive parents, the birth mom's siblings, adoptive parents - families, and other adoptive children, the birth father, biological grandparents, relatives, and house parents who work in the maternity home. The story is one of rich detail and imagery captured from the eyes of the birth mom and her emotions, experiences, and memories coupled with the communications from her significant others which include a close relationship with the adoptive parents she later chooses for her child.




About the Author
Terri Rimmer has 21 years of journalism experience, having worked for ten newspapers and some magazines. In 2003 her life story was published online at Adoption Week E-Magazine's website and in 2002 she received a grant from the PEN American Writer's Fund in New York City.







Our Ebooks are in PDF. All you need to read them is
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wordtrix just joined DoMyStuff.com and would like to send you an
invitation. With DoMyStuff.com, you can outsource your chores and errands to
businesses and individuals located near you. That means more time for
you and the things you want to do!

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Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 25 Jun 2007 05:09:24 -0700






English Patient

An English guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father began to breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed. With his last ounce of strength he wrote a note, dropped it, and died.
The son was so overcome with grief that he didn't remember slipping the note into his pocket. At the funeral, he reached into the pocket of his coat and immediately felt the note. He excitedly read it thinking it might be something he could recite during the service. It said:

YOU WANKER -- GET OFF MY OXYGEN PIPE!!!



Payin' The Bills
You lock your keys in the car, get lost or break down on the side of the road. But you don't worry. Because you're smart--you get the OnStar treatment.







Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

SKINNY DIPPING
>>
>>An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years.
>>He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely: Picnic tables,
>>horseshoe courts, a volleyball court, and some apple and peach
>>trees.
>>The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming.
>>One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond and
>>look it over, as he hadn't been there in a while. He grabbed a
>>five-gallon
>>bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard
>>voices
>>shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a
>>bunch
>>of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware
>>of his
>>presence and they all went to the deep end.
>>One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you
>>leave!"
>>The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies
>>swim
>>naked or make you get out of the pond naked."
>>Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
>>Old men can still think fast.
>

Date: Mon, 18 Jun 2007 21:19:35 -0600



Terri Rimmer,

You just published on Associated Content! View your content here:
www.associatedcontent.com/article/285793/animal_hoarding_on_the_rise.html

Thought you'd like to see this on glamour.com

In July Glamour - Life With Cancer

Found silver jewelry Columbus Day weekend Oct. 2006 at Days Inn in Adel, Georgia. Must identify one special item in box. Have been looking for owner for over a year. Email wordtrix@hotmail.com.

Tributes to Dad by Terri Rimmer

http://www.associatedcontent.com/slideshow/541/tributes_to_dad_.html

Terri also added this note:
Father's Day Photo Tribute to my step dad

You just published on Associated Content! View your content here:
www.associatedcontent.com/article/270520/watertower_theatres_whos_afraid_of.html

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Ultimate Summer Weekend Escapes
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/264945/ultimate_summer_weekend_escapes.html

Terri Rimmer,
I've just been published on Associated Content. Check it out:

At & T Out to Lunch Concert Series
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/268287/at_t_out_to_lunch_concert_series.html

You just published on Associated Content! View your content here:
www.associatedcontent.com/article/256703/harry_ransom_center.html

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 28 May 2007 05:09:15 -0700






Teaching a Buncha Hooligans

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?"
"I just saw one of your garters!"

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

"I just saw both of your garters!"

Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.

"From what I just saw, my school days are over!"



Payin' The Bills
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You’ll feel more connected to the game than ever before.
Experience Wii from Nintendo at wii.com








Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

I've just been published on Associated Content. Check it out:

Texas House Bill CSSB 758: Restricting Foster Parent Eligibility Based Solely Upon Sexual Orientation
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/251099/texas_house_bill_cssb_758_restricting.html

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 21 May 2007 05:09:19 -0700






Baby Talk

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," said his mom, "Of course not."

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"










Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Subject: Fwd: COOL TIPS




I haven't tried these, but it would be nice if they really worked. Let me know if you try any of these suggestions and they work for you. Linda/Mom

Eliminate ear mites. All it takes is a few drops of Wesson corn oil in your cat's ear...Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing.

Kills fleas instantly...Dawn dishwashing liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Good-bye fleas. THIS WORKS OUR NEW PUP WAS LOADED WITH FLEA WHEN WE GOT IT..THIS DID THE TRICK

Rainy day cure for dog odor ...Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh. Did You Know that drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately-- without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional "pain relievers."

Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns.

Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try c hewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. ! They'll clear up your stuffed nose.

Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.

Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.

Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly-- even though the product was never been advertised for this use.

Honey remedy for skin blemishes ... Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.

Listerine therapy for toenail fungus. Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.

Easy eyeglass protection... To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.

Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer ... If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly.

Smart splinter remover. Just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.

Hunt's tomato paste boil cure ...cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.

Balm for broken blisters... To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine. a powerful antiseptic.

Vinegar to heal bruises ... Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.

Quaker Oats for fast pain relief... It's not for breakfast any more! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing reli ef from arthritis pain.

If you send this to 10 people and only one of them doesn't know about this, then it was worth it.

My latest published work:

You just published on Associated Content! View your content here:
www.associatedcontent.com/article/246511/hunger_awareness_day_rally.html

Terri Rimmer,

You just published on Associated Content! View your content here:
www.associatedcontent.com/article/247748/rhode_island_daughter_organizes_cancer.html

Terrible Twos... If you opened it, you haveto do it.
Don't forgetto send it back to me too for fun!!?
Copy and paste into a new email and enter yur answers


Two Names You Go By:
1. Terri
2. The family historian (by my sister)

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Blouse
2. Khakis

Two Things You Want in a Relationship:
1. Humor
2. Intelligence

Two of Your Favorite Things to do:
1. Movies
2. Travel

Two Things You Want Very Badly At The
Moment:
1. Money
2. Losing weight

Two pets you had/have:
1. Ripley
2. Marbles

Two people who will fill this out first:
1. ?
2. ?

Two things you did last night:
1. Watch TV
2. Wrote

Two people who live at your house:?
1.
2.

Two things you ate today:
1. Cookies
2. Tacos

Two people you talked to last:?
1. Jon
2. Stephanie

Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1. Pet sitting
2. Errands

Two longest car rides?:
1. Ga. to TX
2. Ga. to OK

Two Favorite Holidays:
1. Christmas
2. Halloween

Two favorite beverages:
1. Coke
2. Cherry Coke

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Severe Weather in Fort Worth, TX
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/240978/severe_weather_in_fort_worth_tx.html

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Southern Womyn's Festival
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/231359/southern_womyns_festival.html

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Texas Race Week
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/215476/texas_race_week.html

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 24 Apr 2007 14:40:11 -0700






Tard with a Tie

What do you call a mentally disabled person in a fancy suit?

Mr. President.

Yesterday was my birth daughter's adoption finalization anniversary. It was six years ago that they went to court.

Texas Foster Care Bill

By Terri Rimmer

The Texas House of Representatives began floor debate on HB 1, the General Appropriations Bill on March 29th that could affect whether gay people can be foster parents.

The bill is intended to be the state’s budget and not a vehicle for the writing of policy.

Equality Texas was urging all citizens to contact their state representatives two weeks ago and ask him/her to vote against any amendment which seeks to restrict or ban qualified gay and lesbian parents from serving as foster parents.

“Banning or restricting qualified families will hurt Texas children,” an Equality rep said. “17,536 children were removed from homes by the Department of Family and Protective Services (DFPS) after investigation in 2006.”

According to research, 34,275 children were under state legal custody last year and from 1999 to 2003, the number of children in foster care rose 40 percent.

DFPS projects that the number of children in foster care will increase nearly 30 percent by 2009.

The result of a ban would reduce the pool of qualified foster homes which is already insufficient to meet the need, the Equality rep wrote.

“A ban would limit resources available to family members under kinship care and could disqualify them from taking care of family members, placing even more children into an overburdened system,” she writes. “A ban or ‘preference’ system would cost Texas an estimated $8-$15 million due to increase cost of eligibility screening, costs of removing children from safe, stable, and otherwise qualified homes, increased administrative and group home costs, and costs of related litigation.”

According to Equality literature, every dollar spent enforcing a ban is a dollar that could have been spent on direct care for Texas children and their families and professional should make child placement decisions.

Several freshmen state reps were new to the House and were not present in 2005 when the House passed the Talton Amendment to SB6 by a vote of 81 to 58 banning gay and lesbian foster parents. Ten state reps voted for the amendment.

For more information, go to house.state.tx.us.

In other Equality Texas news, staff is urging citizens to support HB 247 for non-discrimination in insurance regarding sexual orientation or gender identity/expression. The American Bar Association’s policy states “State laws should prohibit insurance discrimination based on sexual orientation.”

According to an email sent out by Equality, “Transgender people throughout the state are excluded from the health insurance industry and/or denied coverage for medically necessary procedures at alarming rates.”

May Glamour

Click here to see the page on Glamour.com: http://www.glamour.com/news/articles/2007/04/curegay

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 4 Apr 2007 05:10:53 -0700






Divorced and Drunk


A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table, until the wife asks,

"Do you know her?"

"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"










Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Check out tonylovestina.com

Site:

Check out Dontdatehimgirl.com

Remember the 3 Cs:
You didn't cause it.
You can't control it.
You can't cure it.

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 10 Mar 2007 05:08:49 -0800






Blonde and Picture

Q: Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room?
A: So she could use it as a mirror.










Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Kids have their own take on black history month



The~re treated to arts and crafts, performances and such at MOSH.



By ADAM AASEN

The Times-Union



The Museum of Science and History cele­brated black history on Saturday by sharing it with children durng a daylong event to help them absorb cultural history

“Its imperative to teach kids diversity and ~uiturai understanding especiallY at ~ucn a young age~’ said Jacquelvn Reese, education program coordinator at the downtown lack­sonville museum.

There were African-insoired arts and

crafts, choir performances, and an exhibit on the Tuskegee Airmen to teach black history to the children.

Volunteer Natalia Gallimore read stories based on African fables to young children.

As she read The Leopard~s Drum, a story filled with jungle animals, the kids kept inter­rupting her, asking questions about the story.

Gallimore was glad they were listening. ‘It’s really good for these kids to hear all these different views at this age, before they form their own opinions” she said.

Cindy Persico, leader of Girl Scout Troop 296 from Carver Community Center, said she took her girls to the museum to expand



MUSEUM continues on B-4















Museum:

8-year-old

liked tale of

Rosa Parks

Continued from B-i



on what they’ve been learning all month. She said she covered people such as civil rights leader Rosa Parks; Mae Jemison, who ~as the firer black woman to go into space; and talk show host Oprah Winfrey to give the girls good role models.

“For them to see strong, pow­erful women that look like them,

it’s important,” she said.

Darnetta Johnson, an 8-year-old member of Troop 296, said she liked hearing about Rosa Parks.

“She didn’t think the rules

should be that way, so she didn’t

want to get up,” Johnson said.

Other children said they think it’s important to celebrate Black History Month because they feel they owe a lot to black historical figures.

“I think we need to remember people like Martin Luther King because they died so we could have our freedom today,” said Julia Robinson, 12.

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 27 Feb 2007 05:08:47 -0800






Blonde in a Boat.

There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight.

The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, "What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!"









Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Biggest, Baddest Birthday Spots in Fort Worth
Unique, no-fuss, super finds sure to impress your friends

By Angie Chang
One of the most rewarding, challenging and, let’s be honest, competitive aspects of parenting a child in Fort Worth is making sure you throw a bigger- (and most definitely better) than-the-last-kid’s birthday party for your precious prodigy. Another requisite? That it be somewhere other than your backyard. Who’s got time to clean up another mess?
We combed Tarrant County in search of unusual locales that strike a rare balance between cooler-than-thou and super easy (cheap not necessarily a factor – well, you gotta give somewhere). This list is by no means comprehensive, but it should jump start your planning engine. If you’ve got a find we should know about, e-mail (editorial@fortworthchild.com) it to us and we’ll add it to this list.
Meanwhile, send us an invite.

Note: Please call ahead for the latest information. Originally published in September 2003.

Hot Spot: The Clubhouse for “Kids” Only, Bedford
Cool Factor: Bragging rights to scaling an indoor mountain on your birthday – what kid wouldn’t want that?
High Jinks: Kids won’t know what to do first when they scramble into this sprawling playroom. The goods: a tree house, craft barn, music, computers, karaoke soundstage, a rocket ship, rock climbing, Grandma’s attic and the list rolls on. Best of all? Kids have unlimited time to explore.
Age Range: 1 to 12 years old
Sustenance: One-topping large pizzas go for $10.95 and ice cream is $1.25 per serving. No outside food or drink allowed.
Cake: And juice, too. A party attendant will cut and serve the provided cake (with complementary paper products). The attendant can also write down gifts to expedite the thank-you card process. No outside cake allowed.
Extras: Invitations can be purchased for 25 cents each and goody bags are $3.95 each. Parents can bring their own decorations for the private party room. The birthday child receives a free Clubhouse T-shirt and two free return passes.
Clean Up: Don’t even worry about it.
Price Ranges: The basic party package for 10 children is $125 (each additional child $8.50). It includes unlimited time in the Clubhouse and 45 minutes in private party room. Theme parties can be arranged at an additional cost.
Book It: Reserve a spot two to four weeks in advance for a better chance of getting your date. A $35 deposit is required and will go toward the final balance. Parties are offered during business hours 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. Tuesday through Thursday, 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. Friday and Saturday and noon to 6 p.m. Sunday.
Contact: 2200 Airport Freeway, 817/868-1800, www.clubhouseforkids.com.

Hot Spot: Legends of the Game Museum, Arlington
Cool Factor: Hit this birthday out of the park with an exclusive sneak peek into the Ballpark in Arlington.
High Jinks: Kids can inspect places in the ballpark few fans have seen before, including the press box, batting cages and the Texas Rangers’ dugout. They’ll also receive a private viewing of baseball bloopers and get some time to play interactive computer games in the Learning Center.
Age Range: 4 to 11 years old
Sustenance: It may be the ballpark, but that doesn’t mean you’re getting hotdogs. Bring your own with all the fixings (just leave the grill at home).
Cake: It would be cool to have a cake in the shape of a baseball, but unfortunately you will have to make that happen.
Extras: Invitations and goody bags included. Birthday child receives a birthday gift. A party attendant/tour guide stays with the party to help with cake serving and any other needs.
Clean Up: Parents need to pick up after the kiddos.
Price Ranges: Fifteen kids and 10 adults all get in for $200. Additional guests are $10 per child and $3 per adult. Party rooms are booked for two-hour slots.
Book It: Reserve your spot a month in advance if you can. Party times are 10 a.m. to noon, 12:30 to 2:30 p.m., and 3 to 5 p.m. Saturday; noon to 2 p.m. and 3 to 5 p.m. Sunday. A $50 deposit is required at booking and goes toward your final balance.
Contact: 1000 Ballpark Way, Suite 400, 817/273-5099.

Hot Spot: Sissy & Bubba’s, Colleyville
Cool Factor: Future heartbreakers of America doll up at a “too-cool-for-boys” party.
High Jinks: Girls receive professional updos and dabble in makeup and nail polish. Just gently remind them that more isn’t always better with blush.
Age Range: 5 to 12 years old
Sustenance: Feel free to bring snacks and drinks.
Cake: The $22.50 per child package includes cake, plates and utensils. Bring your own if you opt for the $17.50 per child package.
Extras: The $22.50 package also comes with balloons, decorations and party favor bags.
Clean Up: You and your newly minted princesses won’t have to lift a finger.
Price Ranges: $17.50 gets each child the updo, the makeup and nail polish, as well as the entire store for two hours. Pony up $22.50 per princess and get the basic package plus all the aforementioned goodies. There’s a minimum of 10 girls per party.
Book It: Call as soon as you can to set up a time. Parties are scheduled Monday through Saturday after 5 p.m. Balance is due on the day of the party.
Contact: 5604 Colleyville Blvd., Suite G, 817/577-5200.

Hot Spot: Southlake Scuba, Southlake
Cool Factor: The party’s underwater. ’Nuff said.
High Jinks: A “Bubblemakers” party introduces children to the thrill of breathing underwater. Kids get a 60-minute course in the classroom and swimming pool with full scuba gear. Parties are usually at Southlake Aquatic Center, but they can bring the party to your pool.
Age Range: 8 years and older
Sustenance: The staff will take care of snacks and drinks for an additional charge.
Cake: Bring your own or say the word and they’ll supply the cake, candles and plates. But it’ll cost you.
Extras: Invitations, party balloons, “Bubblemakers” tattoo, “Bubblemakers” log book and “Bubblemakers” water squirt toy are all included for each child.
Clean Up: The staff will clean up. It’s almost like it’s your birthday too.
Price Ranges: Each two-hour party session requires a maximum of six kids at $40 each. This includes use of full scuba equipment, pool rental and an authentic “Bubblemakers” certification card and wall certificate.
Book It: The staff would prefer notice a month in advance. A deposit of half the balance is required when making your reservation. Parents must read and sign permission forms prior to party time.
Contact: 1101 E. Northwest Parkway, Suite 114, 817/481-6066, www.southlakescuba.com.

Hot Spot: Tarantula Train
Cool Factor: Get the party in motion as you chug along in vintage 1920s coaches powered by “Puffy,” the 1896 Steam Engine #2248.
High Jinks: The birthday entourage can hang out in a roped off area in the coach, but they can’t ride incognito: An announcement will let the entire train know there’s someone special on board. The birthday child gets to blow the whistle before the train takes off. Choose from one of two round trips: The nonstop Trinity River Run or Grapevine to Stockyards and back.
Age Range: 3 to 12 years old
Sustenance: A hot dog pack with chips and a drink is provided for each child and refreshments can be purchased on the train.
Cake: No cake is allowed on the train for preservation reasons.
Extras: An attendant is available to help with the party. Parents are welcome to bring their own decorations.
Clean Up: The attendant will pick up after your group.
Price Ranges: Each child climbs aboard for $14.50 with a minimum of six children per party. Adults are $15 for Grapevine trip and $9 for Trinity.
Book It: Call to reserve your spot at least one week in advance. Parties are available every day the train is in operation. The Grapevine to Stockyards route is three hours round trip and departs from Grapevine at 10 a.m.; the returning trip is at 2:30 p.m. Wednesday through Saturday. On Sunday, the train departs Grapevine at 1 p.m. and leaves the Stockyards at 5 p.m. The Trinity River Run clocks in at an hour roundtrip and departs at 1 p.m. Wednesday through Saturday. On Sundays, the train leaves at 3:30 p.m. from the Stockyards.
Contact: The Cotton Belt Depot is at 707 S. Main St. in Grapevine and Stockyards Station is at 140 E. Exchange Ave., 817/410-3123, www.gvrr.com.

Hot Spot: Texas CowGirl Ranch, Westlake
Cool Factor: Kids will feel like the Real McCoy on this seven-acre ranch that serves up a heap of Western flair.
High Jinks: Barb “Wire” provides a crash course in the history and clothing of cowboys to set the mood for ranch-style fun. Kids can saddle up for rides on a pony or miniature horse and capture the moment with a memory photo. Explore the other parts of the ranch with games and ranch duties like hay-bale calf roping, a carrot roundup and even a horse-reining lesson. The party room is in a Texas-style hay barn that’s thumping with toe-tapping country western music.
Age Range: 3 to 8 years old
Sustenance: Wrangle in your own snacks and sodas.
Cake: You’ll need to flip for the cake, but lemonade, paper products and utensils are provided.
Extras: Invitations are available and you can pick from two different designs. Party-goers get a cowboy or cowgirl hat and a bandanna as party favors. Attendants make sure the party runs without a hitch. All of this is included in the package price.
Clean Up: Ranch hands are highly adept at these chores.
Price Ranges: A two-hour party at the ranch costs $450 for 10 kids and siblings of the birthday child get in for free. Each additional child is $40.
Book It: Party slots fill up faster than you can rope a calf, so make your reservation as soon as you pick a date. The time can be arranged to fit your schedule. A deposit of $100 is required at reservation and parents need to sign a release form on the back of the invitation.
Contact: 1559 Dove Road, 817/488-1300, www.texascowgirlranch.com.

Hot Spot: Buckaroo’s Soda Shoppe, Fort Worth
Cool Factor: Hi, ho Silver! Young cowgirls and cowboys lasso in horseback riding, clowns and cowboys at this bustling parlor smack dab in the middle of the Stockyards National Historic District.
High Jinks: Parents and cowpokes can pick from several packages to match birthday wishes: Game room where kids compete for prizes; entertainment by clowns, characters or magicians; unlimited runs through the Cowtown Cattle Pen Maze; horseback rides in Stockyards Station; and roping tricks by a cowboy pro.
Age Range: 1 to 12 years old
Sustenance: Each child receives a “Billy The Kidd” meal with choice of burger, hotdog, corny dog or grilled cheese, as well as fries, drink and a special prize. No outside food allowed.
Cake: Buckaroo’s provides a decorated vanilla cake for all parties. However, parents are allowed to bring their own cake.
Extras: Invitations are available for parents who want them. At the party, each child receives a free ice-cream cone, a ticket for the Cowtown Coliseum Rodeo and balloons. Every package includes one hour of reserved space in the Soda Shoppe, photo opportunities in the “jail” and use of the Cowboy Bucking Barrel. A gift table is included in the birthday area.
Clean Up: They’re on it.
Price Ranges: $175 to $225 based on a package for 10 kids. Each additional child is $10.25. Parents can mix and match packages for an additional cost.
Book It: Reserve your spot four weeks in advance (call for last-minute slots no later than two weeks prior). A $50 nonrefundable deposit is required at reservation and balance is due on the day of the party. Parties can be scheduled during business hours. Open 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Thursday, 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. Friday and Saturday and 11 a.m. to 8 p.m. Sunday.
Contact: 140 E. Exchange Ave., 817/624-6631, www.risckys.com.

Hot Spot: Fort Worth Zoo, Fort Worth
Cool Factor: Hang out with the real and original party animals.
High Jinks: View a Wild Wonders live animal presentation and receive an all-day admission pass for the entire gaggle of animal lovers. Package includes two-hour use of the Education Center room where kids can play wildlife games.
Age Range: 4 to 12 years old
Sustenance: Keeping your little ones fed will be your duty.
Cake: You gotta bring that too.
Extras: A zoo souvenir pencil topped by a zoo animal stamp for every child and a Fort Worth Zoo carryall bag for the birthday child. Parents are welcome to bring their own decorations, balloons and party favors. Balloons are not allowed outside the room.
Clean Up: Yep, your responsibility as well.
Price Ranges: $180 members and $200 nonmembers. Tell your guests to bring $5 for parking. Party maximum is 30 people (children and adults).
Book It: Call three weeks before the party date. Expect to book six weeks in advance during the busy spring season. Party times are year round at 1 p.m. and 2 p.m. on Saturdays and 10 a.m. on select Sundays.
Contact: 1989 Colonial Parkway, 817/759-7200, www.fortworthzoo.org.

Hot Spot: Fort Worth Texas Ice, Fort Worth
Cool Factor: For an exclusive, invitation-only vibe, you can rent out the entire rink for an hour-long party that’s literally too cool.
High Jinks: Skating — don’t forget your socks!
Age Range: 5 years and older
Sustenance: The most expensive package includes two large cheese pizzas and pitchers of soft drinks for 10 (additional pizzas $12, extra pitchers $3). No outside food or drink allowed.
Cake: Bring your own and don’t forget the candles. Utensils and plates are provided. An attendant is available to help cut and serve.
Extras: A fully decorated party room complete with confetti, balloons and invitations. A table is set up to hold cake and gifts.
Clean Up: Do these attendants do everything? It sure seems like it.
Price Ranges: $140-$165 for up to 10 children and $14-$16.50 for each additional child. Package includes rink admission, skate rental and use of the party room for an hour. Rent out the entire rink and invite as many people as you want for $275 an hour.
Book It: Reserve a spot anywhere within three days to a week. Half of the balance is due as a deposit with reservation. Call ahead for available times.
Contact: 3600 Hwy 377 South, 817/560-9700, www.txice.com.

Hot Spot: Mountasia, North Richland Hills
Cool Factor: Good old-fashioned batting cages, video games, golf and go-karts never go out of style or adrenaline.
High Jinks: Can you say FORE? Get ready for 18 holes of miniature golf, video games, laser tag, and bumper boats and cars.
Age Range: 5 years and older
Sustenance: Give the staff 24 hours notice and they can prepare pizza and hotdogs at an additional cost from the snack bar. Ice cream and soda are included in the party package. No outside food or drinks allowed.
Cake: You’re on your own here.
Extras: A host to assist at the party, party hats, goody bags, balloons, invitations and a gift for the birthday kid all included.
Clean Up: Done for you by the staff.
Price Ranges: A party of eight ranges from $74.95 ($8.95 each additional child) for the golf and game birthday adventure to $92 ($9.95 each additional child) for laser tag. Additional activities are available at discounted rates. The private party room is yours for one hour.
Book It: Make reservations at least a week in advance. Parties are offered during regular business hours: 10 a.m. to 11 p.m. Monday through Thursday, 10 a.m. to midnight Friday and Saturday, and 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. Sunday. A $30 plus tax deposit is required on all parties at least five days before the event date.
Contact: 8851 Grapevine Highway, 817/788-0990, www.americafunplex.com.

Hot Spot: Kid Connection, Fort Worth
Cool Factor: An indoor Air Trak (inflatable mat) lets kids bounce to their hearts’ content.
High Jinks: Kids can go crazy shooting down a zip line from a tree house or hanging out in the playrooms. Choose from four themes to accent the celebration: princess, cheerleader, sports or Western.
Age Range: 18 months to 9 years old
Sustenance: No food here. Bring your own snacks and soda.
Cake: The staff can provide a homemade cake made to your specs if you don’t want to bring your own. A 1/4 sheet is $20 and a 1/2 sheet is $35.
Extras: Package includes 20 invitations, balloons for each child, candles, paper goods, juice and a keepsake picture of the birthday child. Party attendants can help with serving.
Clean Up: Staff takes care of it.
Price Ranges: Currently enrolled Kid Connection members pay $135, or $145 for nonmembers. Parties include up to 15 guests (each additional child $5). Favors can be added for $5 each.
Book It: Make your reservation a month in advance. Parties are generally offered on the weekends: 4 p.m. and 6 p.m. Friday; 2 p.m., 4 p.m. and 6 p.m. Saturday; and 2 p.m. and 4 p.m. Sunday. Other times can be scheduled. A $50 nonrefundable deposit is required with reservation and goes toward your final balance.
Contact: 6491 Southwest Blvd., 817/732-5432.

Go to cancer.org to find out how you can raise money for the American Cancer Society's annual Relay for Life in Fort Worth at Farrington Field in April.

It snowed today, Valentine's Day. It did the same thing three years ago on me and Ruben's first Valentine's together. Now I can't help but think of him as I see the snowflakes.

WORDS OF SUCCESS
To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming,
is the only end in life.

--Baruch Spinoza

The first sentence is pretty powerful.
>
>God determines who walks into your life....it's up to you to decide
>who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let
>go.
>
>I need this back.
>
>If you'll do this for me, I'll do it for you....
>Father, God bless all my friends in whatever it is that You know
>they may be needing this day! And may their life be full of your
>peace, prosperity and power as they seek to have a closer
>relationship with you. Amen.
>
>Now send it on to five other people, including the one who sent it
>to you. Within hours you caused a multitude of people to pray for
>other people. Then sit back and watch the power of God work in your
>life. P S. Five is good, but more is better, who else do you know
>that needs prayer.
>
>Glenda

Keep Visitors Coming Back to Your Web Site by Animal

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/129236/keep_visitors_coming_back_to_your_web.html

The following note was also included:
Keeping visitors coming back to your website

Associated Content is the People's Media Company, a massive library of text, video and audio content published by the public for the public. Explore the library AC at www.associatedcontent.com.

Advice for Parents of Adopted Children: How My Parents Helped Me Understand My Special Place in the Family by M. M. Lyons

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/130339/advice_for_parents_of_adopted_children.html

The following note was also included:
Adoption story

Associated Content is the People's Media Company, a massive library of text, video and audio content published by the public for the public. Explore the library AC at www.associatedcontent.com.

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 2 Feb 2007 05:08:57 -0800






The Four Ghosts of the White House

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him Bush asks him, "George, what''s the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, and then fades away...

The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight...

The third night sleep still does not come for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the mist...

Bush isn''t sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?"

Lincoln replies, "Go see a play."









Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 1 Feb 2007 05:08:45 -0800






Yo Mama

Yo mama's so polite, she once held the door for a week!









Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Subject: Content of the Day: January 31, 2007
Date: Wed, 31 Jan 2007 14:10:25 -0800



January 31, 2007
Have you heard? Associated Content announced the winners of the 2006 People's Media Awards today. Read them here.


A total of 17 honors were bestowed. One of the top honors went to Content Producer Barry Freiman for his article Getting HIV Isn't a Death Sentence.


Barry publicly accepts the 2006 Editorial Choice Award here:





http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/137770/editors_pick_for_top_content_of_2006.html



See all of AC's Content of the Day at http://acdailycontent.blogspot.com



ASSOCIATED CONTENT | 88 STEELE STREET |SUITE 250 |DENVER, CO 80206

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit."
~ Aristotle

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 27 Jan 2007 05:08:45 -0800






Lawyer and the Skunk

What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.









Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Looking for female exercise buddy. I have asthma so I need someone who can be understanding as to my limitations. Fort Worth, TX.

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 24 Jan 2007 05:08:37 -0800






Coffee, No Cream

A man walks into a coffee shop and places his order."I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."The girl behind the counter says "I'm sorry, sir, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"









Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Four Steps to Getting Richer

From the show This Is the Year to Get Richer!

Printer-Friendly Version


Financial expert Jean Chatzky wants you to stop making excuses and get richer! She has four simple steps anyone can follow to the path of financial success.

Maximize Your Income

Set an income goal.
Ask for a raise.
Work an extra hour a week.
Learn more about making more.

Spend Less Than You Make

Pause before you purchase.
Pay bills on time.
Use a debit card.
Shop around.
Find extra money for your savings.

Invest Money You Don't Spend

Save automatically.
Earn more interest.
Build your money confidence with Jean's investment basics.

Protect Your Money

Get insurance.
Get a will.
Get an account in your name.
Learn how to better secure your future.
Inside the Show
This Week
Be on the Show
Books Seen on the Show
Audience Reservations
Oprah Show Archive
Local Listings





E-mail to a friend









Oprah, The Oprah Winfrey Show, Harpo, Make The Connection, Oprah's Book Club, Use Your Life and Live Your Best Life are registered trademarks of Harpo, Inc. Oprah's Favorite Things and Oprah & Friends are trademarks of Harpo, Inc. Oprah's Angel Network and Angel Network are registered trademarks of Oprah's Angel Network. O Girls is a trademark of Oprah's Angel Network. Oprah Winfrey Scholars and O Design are trademarks of The Oprah Winfrey Foundation. Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls, Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls South Africa and O Design are trademarks of The Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy Foundation. All rights reserved.




TM & © 2007 Harpo Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 18 Jan 2007 05:08:55 -0800






Yo Mama

Yo mama's so sorry she missed your birthday last week, she bought you a cake so big you gotta eat it twice to have it once!









Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day Newsletter
Date: 17 Jan 2007 05:08:44 -0800






Girl and Dog

A little girl and her dog are walking through the forest when they suddenly fall into a pit. They scramble and scramble but can''t make their way out. The little girl yells, the dog barks, but no one is around to hear their calls for help. Slowly, the night sky turns black and they find themselves engulfed in utter darkness.

Off in the distance, the wolves begin howling. Each howl is louder and closer than the last.

The little girl holds the dog close to her chest and says sadly to the dog, "This is the worst mess in which ever have found ourselves, my darling Sparky."

"Yeah," the dog says, "we''re really screwed."

"Sparky," the girl says, astonished, "I didn''t know you could talk."

"Well," the dog says, "I was kinda waiting for the right time to tell you."









Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.”

Have been taking care of 11 stray outdoor cats for over a year trying to find homes for them. Need a large outdoor cat house for them to survive cold weather outdoors or need to have one built, preferably wood/waterproof for reasonable fee. Can't afford much. Live in Fort Worth, TX in TCU area.

wordtrix@Hotmail.com

Happy Birthday, hunny. You would've been 53 today. Hard to believe.