Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day NewsletterDate: 28 Dec 2006 05:08:38 -0800
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Panda Bear A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant. A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear." It says, ''Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves.''




Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019

Happy 3 years, hunny. Wish you were here.

Date: 28 Dec 2006 05:08:38 -0800
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Panda Bear A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant. A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear." It says, ''Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves.''




Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Foster kidsLost And Foundhttp://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/12/14/60minutes/main2269159.shtmlCBS News Online

• > "If for an instant God were to forget that I am rag> doll and gifted me> with a piece of life I would> value things, not for> their worth but for what they mean. I would dreammore.> > I would walk when others hold back. If God were togive me a piece of life, I would dress simply,> throw myself face first into the sun, baring not> only my body but also my soul. My God, if I had aheart, I would write my hate on ice, and> wait for the sun to show. Over the stars I would> paint with a Van Gogh dream a Benedetti poem, and aSerrat song would be the serenade I'd> offer to the moon. > My God, if I had a piece of life...I wouldn't let a> single day pass> without telling the people I love that I love them.> I would show men how very wrong they> are to think that> they cease to be in love when they grow old, not> knowing that they grow> old when they cease to love! To a child I shall give> wings, but I shall> let him learn to fly on this own. I would teach the> old that death does> not come with old age, but with forgetting. So much> have I learned from> you, oh men...> > I have learned that everyone wants to live on the> peak of the mountain,> without knowing that real happiness is in how it is> scaled. I have> learned that when a newborn child squeezes for the> first time with his> tiny fist his father's finger, he has him trapped> forever. I have> learned that a man has the right to look down on> another only when he> has to help the other get to his feet. From you I> have learned so many> things, but in truth they won't be of much use, for> when I keep them> within this suitcase, unhappily shall I be dying."> > ~ ~ ~

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day NewsletterDate: 14 Dec 2006 05:08:42 -0800
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Shirts Off A woman sat on a plane heading for New York, when the pilot annouces that because of difficulties with the plane's engines, he must make an emergency landing. The woman, fearing that this may be the end of her life looks over to a man sitting next to her and rips her shirt and bra off, and throws herself on him. "Make me feel like a woman again!" she screamed. So the man rips his shirt off and hands it to her. "Here you go, you crazy bitch, iron this."




Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

December 9, 2006

Dear McKenna,

Time for your annual Christmas letter.

I’m sitting here half-watching Jim Carrey’s version of “How The Grinch Stole Christmas,” which I’ve seen before. It came out the Christmas you were only four months old.

I get pictures of you and hear all about your school activities and after-school fun – cheerleading and, until recently, ballet and karate.

I read an article recently about adoption, about a couple who added a final addition to their family after having two kids of their own. They feel very blessed as do your adoptive parents.

Every time I see a full moon or a “whole moon” as you call them, I think of you even more. I’ve been seeing a lot of them the past week.

I can’t believe you’re now 6 years old.

There are so many things I can’t wait to see you experience – your 16th birthday, high school graduation, your wedding. Sometimes I imagine what you will look like then, be like; etc.

Now I have flipped over to “The Polar Express,” some of which I’ve seen. There are so many cool kid movies that have come out during your childhood.

I hope you did get to see “Happy Feet” yesterday, which you were so excited about seeing at the IMAX Theatre.

I am so thankful for you and for Vicki and Larry, your adoptive parents. They have given you an extraordinary life.

I could have wished on every twinkling star in the sky and I couldn’t have wished for more special parents for you.

Your expression and animations remind me a lot of my niece Jessica when she was little. She’s now 31 and has two kids of her own.

Every day I count my blessings and the miracle that is you. Among my many blessings are you and your adoptive parents.

You also have the advantage of having a big brother. Yeah, he teases you sometimes but he loves you.
You know what I think is really great? The fact that your adoptive mom Vicki teaches you and Bryant the spirit of volunteerism regarding other kids.

That is such a precious gift. So many people don’t have that.

Your spirit is shining through in all your pictures, emails I get from Vicki, and our visits. It carries me through the day and there is not a day that I wake up that I don’t think of you, wondering what you’re doing, what type of happiness you are experiencing today, and about the joy you bring to so many people.

You started bringing such love to people the minute you were born.

I hope you have a great Santa holiday.

I love you,


Terri

Story: Eat for Life: Stew of spice-of-life variety
Stew
Eat for Life: Stew of spice-of-life variety
09:46 AM CST on Tuesday, December 5, 2006By JILL WENDHOLT SILVA McClatchy Newspapers
Just the thing for a chilly December night, this pork stew includes roasted vegetables and nutrient-packed spices. " height=119 alt="TAMMY LJUNGBLAD/Kansas City Star" src="http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/img/v3/12-05-2006.nh_05eat.GO021I0DR.1.jpg" width=175>
TAMMY LJUNGBLAD/Kansas City Star Just the thing for a chilly December night, this pork stew includes roasted vegetables and nutrient-packed spices.
Blank is the spice of life.
Fill in the blank with cloves, oregano, ginger, cinnamon, turmeric, basil, mustard seed, curry powder, paprika, chili powder, parsley or black pepper.
When it comes to health-promoting antioxidants in foods, culinary herbs and spices rank at or near the top of the list.
A study published recently in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found the 12 spices listed above outranked the more widely touted antioxidant benefits of blueberries, dark chocolate and red wine.
This Curried Pork and Roasted Vegetable Stew is a seasonal dish that takes its cues from several of these heavy hitters.
Curry powder is a potent blend of up to 20 herbs, spices and seeds such as cloves, cinnamon, cumin, turmeric and black pepper.
Curries get their traditional yellow color from turmeric. The spice also contains curcumin, an antioxidant that may fend off heart disease and cancer.
P! aprika i s made by grinding sweet red pepper pods into a powder. Chili peppers are rich sources of vitamins A, C and E, folic acid and potassium.
The Romans used cumin as a culinary flavoring and a medicine. Modern scientists are studying it for its possible antioxidant and anti-cancer benefits.
Each of these spices plays well with sweet potatoes and squash, two nutrient-dense vegetables that are, coincidentally, also loaded with powerful antioxidants, especially beta carotene, a plant pigment that may help prevent certain cancers and ward off macular degeneration, an age-related deterioration of the eye.
Serving tips: This thick stew would be great served in a bowl, or it could be served over hot, steamed brown rice or in a crusty bread bowl.
You can also make these roasted vegetables and serve as a side dish any night of the week.
CURRIED PORK AND ROASTED VEGETABLE STEW
2
teaspoons olive oil, divided
1
large sweet onion, chopped
3
cloves garlic, minced
3/4
pound lean boneless pork loin, cut into ¾ -inch cubes
2
carrots, sliced
1
teaspoon ground cumin
1
teaspoon curry powder
½
teaspoon ground turmeric
½
teaspoon pepper, divided
¼
teaspoon salt
1
(14.5-ounce) can reduced-sodium chicken broth
1
large sweet potato, peeled and cut into 1-inch cubes
2
cups peeled acorn squash, cut into 1-inch cubes
½
teaspoon paprika
< class="dwsmodule">
1
tablespoon cornstarch
2
tablespoons cold water
Preheat oven to 425 F. Heat a large, heavy skillet over medium-high heat. Add 1 teaspoon oil and swirl to coat pan. Add onion, garlic and pork. Cook, stirring frequently, until onion is translucent and pork is browned. Stir in carrots, cumin, curry powder, turmeric, 1/4 teaspoon pepper and salt. Cook, stirring, about 30 seconds or until spices are aromatic. Stir in broth. Cover, reduce heat and simmer 25 minutes.
Place sweet potato and squash cubes in zip-top plastic food bag. Add remaining 1 teaspoon oil and shake to coat evenly. Add remaining 1/4 teaspoon pepper and paprika. Shake to coat evenly. Spread on baking sheet. Bake 20 minutes or until golden, stirring halfway through cooking time. Stir roasted vegetables into stew. Cover and simmer 5 to 10 minutes or until vegetables are tender.
Increase heat to medium. Stir cornstarch into cold water, blending until completely dissolved. Stir cornstarch mixture into stew. Cook, stirring, until thickened and bubbly. Makes 4 to 6 servings.
PER SERVING: Calories 261 (19% fat)
Fat 6 g (1 g sat) Cholesterol 55 mg Sodium 412 mg Fiber 6 g
Carbohydrates 29 g Protein 25 g
SOURCE: Kansas City Star

Snow DaysA heavy snowstorm closed the schools in one town. When the children returned to school a few days later, one grade school teacher asked her students whether they had used the time away from school constructively. "I sure did, teacher," one little girl replied. "I just prayed for more snow."

Story: Home-baked gifts in minutes
Home-baked gifts
Home-baked gifts in minutes
01:39 PM CST on Monday, December 4, 2006Alicia Ross with Beverly Mills
Teacher gifts, quick hostess gifts to go, neighborhood hello. This time of year we find ourselves needing a small gift to give almost daily. There's nothing better than a gift of food to say "Thank you," "I'm thinking of you" or "You're special."
While we'd love to spend hours baking elaborate treats for all of the special people in our lives, reality just doesn't allow that kind of time. But with today's recipe, we can still give home-baked goodies without toiling for hours in the kitchen.

Wrap these delectable little treats in decorative cellophane bags and tie them with a sparkly ribbon. Think of these cookies as a "quick-and-easy baklava" and add a cute bear-shaped bottle of honey to the package. Look for the piecrusts on sale for an extra budget bonus.
ALSO ONLINE
More food gifts to make
In less than 20 minutes, your kitchen will be filled ! with the aroma of Sugary Pastry Crisps, and you'll be turning out gifts aplenty. Be sure to bake an extra batch to keep at home.
Write to Desperation Dinners, c/o United Media, 200 Madison Ave., New York, NY 10016 or e-mail bev-alicia@desperation dinners.com.
SUGARY PASTRY CRISPS
2
(9-inch) unbaked refrigerated piecrusts (see Note)
3
tablespoons light or dark brown sugar, firmly packed
1
teaspoon ground cinnamon
¼
cup pecans or walnuts (pieces are fine)
¼
cup honey, for serving
Preheat the oven to 450 F.
Follow the microwave directions on the piecrust box to bring the crusts to room temperature and roll out each crust flat.
Place one piecrust on an ungreased cookie sheet or pizza pan. Repair any cracks or tears with wet fingers, pinching the dough back together. Crumble the brown sugar evenly over the entire crust. Sprinkle the cinnamon evenly over the sugar. Finely chop the nuts, and sprinkle them evenly over the crust.
Place the second piecrust over the first, and press down firmly with a flat hand. Press the edges of the two crusts together with your fingertips.
Bake the cookie until it is light brown, about 11 minutes. Slice the cookie into 12 trian! gle-shap ed wedges with a pizza cutter or knife. Serve warm, or allow to cool before packaging.
To serve: Place the slices on a serving plate, and drizzle the honey evenly over the top.
To package: Cool completely and place in decorative cellophane or zipper-top bags. Tie with ribbon, if desired.
Makes 12 cookies.
Note: For testing purposes, we used Pillsbury Refrigerated Pie Crusts.
Per cookie: Calories 212 (47% from fat)
Fat 11 g (4 g saturated) Cholesterol 7 mg
Sodium 135 mg Fiber trace
Carbohydrates 27 g Protein 2 g

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day NewsletterDate: 1 Dec 2006 05:08:33 -0800
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Country Politics A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn.
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer told him he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."




Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day NewsletterDate: 22 Nov 2006 05:08:31 -0800
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Harvard Graduate How do you get a Harvard graduate off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.




Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Some vets turning to alternative treatments for ailing pets
07:31 AM CST on Monday, November 20, 2006Associated Press
SAN FRANCISCO - When Ann Day's dog had a stroke in July, one side of his face became paralyzed so severely he couldn't blink. She knew she needed to do something before the 13-year-old pug, Jimmy, lost his eye to infection.
"I was open to anything that would help," Dey said.
At Pets Unlimited, a nonprofit animal hospital that was opening the city's first all-holistic veterinary medical clinic on Monday, Jimmy received acupuncture for a month. Now, his face is fine.
As alternative approaches like acupuncture and herbal remedies have moved further into the mainstream for humans, veterinarians have made those same techniques increasingly available for pets.
Animal care officials say pet owners have been convinced by their own positive experiences that their pets should also enjoy the benefits of alternative techniques.
"Seeing is believing," said Sally Wortman, Pets Unlimited's hospital administrator, standing near a row of scented candles on the new clinic's reception desk.
A Japanese fountain, soft lights and walls painted in soothing tones of sage, ochre and salmon augment the calming atmosphere of the clinic, which is one floor down from the city's only 24-hour-a-day emergency room for pets.
The renovations have a therapeutic effect on pets, Wortman said, but added that it was just as important to create a setting where owners also feel relaxed.
"The practitioner can only help the animal through the person," she said.
Still, the push for the new treatments -- also known as holistic or complementary medicine -- has not come so much from vets, whose medical training is still steeped in the rigors of the Western scientific tradition.
"It's been more consumer-driven," said Joe O'Hehir, executive director of Pets Unlimited.
Marilyn Chartrand of Alameda is one of those consumers.
"I do holist! ic thing s for my body. So I thought, how exciting that they're doing this for animals," said Chartrand, who adopted a cat from Pets Unlimited.
Chartrand said she treats her cat with aromatherapy when she gets sick, offering her different scents to inhale. "She knows which ones her system needs," Chartrand said.
That holistic medicine for animals would catch on in San Francisco, which also ushered in the no-kill movement in animal shelters in the 1990s, comes as little surprise. But the field is catching on among veterinarians across the country.
The Maryland-based American Holistic Veterinary Medical Association claims more than 800 members from Florida to Alaska. Chartrand learned about an alternative treatment called therapeutic touch from her sister, a veterinarian who uses the technique on horses in Kansas.
Still, despite broadening acceptance, alternative medicine for animals faces continued skepticism. The American Veterinary Medical Association said in recent guidelines on alternative medical techniques for animals that the organization is "open to their consideration."
But it stressed that the quality of research into different methods varies, saying some practices "may differ from current scientific knowledge."
Beth Schneider, an animal acupuncturist for Pets Unlimited, said one positive experience with alternative techniques can be enough to convince doubters.
"They see how beneficial it is to the animal," she said. "And they want to start going to acupuncturists themselves."

The art beat . . .Robin Williams has a connection to the 100-plus towering cast-iron figures that have taken up residency in Grant Park.
• • He's a sponsor: The comedy legend and his wife, Marsha, are big fans of Polish sculptor Magdalena Abakanowicz, and they ponied up more than $25,000 to help bring her Agora sculpture to Chicago.

Subject: Comedy Central's Joke of the Day NewsletterDate: 10 Nov 2006 05:08:33 -0800
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A cannibal was walking through the jungle A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...
Broiled Missionary: $ 10.00Fried Explorer: $ 15.00Baked Politician: $ 100.00
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politician?"
The waiter replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one?"
Payin' The BillsFOR YOUR CONSIDERATION (it?s a movie)From the director of Waiting for Guffman, Best in Show and A Mighty WindIn some theaters November 17th ? check the interweb




Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

Dog-friendly restaurants======================================================================Officials: Dallas restaurants should be more dog-friendly06:54 PM CST on Thursday, November 2, 2006By DAVE LEVINTHAL / The Dallas Morning News Officials: Dallas restaurants should be more dog-friendly06:54 PM CST on Thursday, November 2, 2006By DAVE LEVINTHAL / The Dallas Morning News You and your dog may be unwitting outlaws: Sipping coffee at an outdoor cafe with Spot or Sparky is against state health regulations. But some Dallas restaurants ignore the rules at their own peril -- if only to satisfy what they say is overwhelming customer demand to dine with their pooches. Others want desperately to welcome pets on their patios but turn them away, afraid of attracting fines. Noting the dilemma, Dallas city officials are quietly crafting a system to skirt state law and allow pet-friendly food establishments to open their decks to both two- and four-legged customers. "The pets are like children. They don't do any harm," said Tammy Greenberg, a Knox-Henderson neighborhood resident who runs a pet-sitting service. "Taking them to a restaurant and sitting outside brings happiness to everyone." Cafe Toulouse, a cozy Knox Street bistro that would fit equally well on a Parisian boulevard, has long welcomed dogs onto its porch. They rarely, if ever, cause problems, interim manager Josh Holcombe said. "We get so many customers from the Katy Trail who are walking their dogs and want to visit us," Mr. Holcombe said. "Dogs are part of the family." Especially north of downtown. Dallas' Uptowners, notably urban and urbane, are apt to adopt a European-style esprit de corps while dwelling in closely quartered condominium high-rises and posh apartment complexes. That includes dogs. Dogs everywhere. Some condominium managers estimate nearly half of their residents own at least one. Stroll through Cole Park or up an Uptown sidewalk and run a gantlet of wagging tails. Looking at variances Though state health regulations explicitly outlaw nonservice animals on restaurant patios, they also empower local jurisdictions, such as Dallas city government, to grant variances, said Doug McBride, spokesman for the Texas Department of State Health Services. City Attorney Tom Perkins said his office is researching the issue and plans to brief the council on it next month or early next year. In order for Dallas to begin granting state regulation variances, the council must first vote to amend city ordinances, Mr. Perkins explained, adding that the variances could only apply to outdoor areas, not indoor dining rooms. Tell Us Pooches on the patio? Where are the dog-friendly restaurants in Dallas? For council member Angela Hunt, whose District 14 includes much of Uptown, the change is a "simple quality-of-life issue, another way to appeal to residents in the area that this is a fun, vibrant community." Ms. Hunt said she regularly receives e-mails and phone calls from constituents questioning why Dallas, which has long sought to position itself as a "world-class city," hasn't instituted more pro-pet policies that are mere political afterthoughts in many Eurasian and even East Coast population centers. Progress of this sort takes time. Dallas is a city that only last decade began developing off-leash dog parks, which today are wildly popular with pet owners. The city continues to struggle with other animal-related issues, namely coping with the thousands of stray dogs and feral cats, especially in Dallas' southern sector. Seeing a demand But Mark Maguire, who owns Maguire's Uptown Restaurant and Bar on Cedar Springs Road, said Dallas would be wise to end the pets-on-patios prohibition, if only because it makes business sense. "We'd have an immediate demand. There's no doubt in my mind that business would increase," said Mr. Maguire, whose restaurant features a large outdoor deck. He said he's tempted simply to ignore state regulations but hasn't done so. "In the restaurant industry, people vote with their wallets," Mr. Maguire said. "A lot of pet owners would vote for pet-friendly restaurants." One of them is Uptown resident Toi Villarreal, who said she can't understand why her collie, Leila, and border collie mix, Trixie, can't join her and her husband for a quiet Uptown dinner out -- without fear of breaking state rules. Health concerns about dogs are overblown, she said, and pigeons, mice and an inordinate amount of unsavory critters already find their way onto restaurant patios. As it is, Ms. Villarreal said she frequents restaurants that cater to pets. "We want to stay and maybe have a bottle of wine, instead of having to rush home and walk the dogs," she said. "People have limited time. If you want to create an urban environment, you need to be forward-thinking on simple issues like this." That Dallas is even exploring granting pet-on-patios variances is a positive sign, said April Prohafka, who owns The Pooch Patio, an Oak Lawn dog-services center that also features a beer and wine bar for dog owners. Ms. Prohafka says she hopes to franchise her concept, and new locations could include food service if Dallas changes its laws. "Dallas has always been very conservative, but we're now expanding ourselves," she said. "We're starting to look at what our demographics are in the Oak Lawn/Uptown area, and we're listening to them." E-mail dlevinthal@dallasnews.com

Fun Things to Do at a Drive-Thru 1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and let your passenger order. 2. Ask the price of almost everything on the menu and then order something that you didn't ask the price for. 3. Tell the employee that your window is broken. Order and then pay with your door open. When the food comes, roll down the window and snatch your order from their hands. 4. Go to McDonald's and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight. 5. Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels. 6. Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you're in. 7. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window-shopping and drive on. 8. Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup. 9. Ask the cashier how they fit into that little box. 10. If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on. 11. Demand to speak to the manager. When they come on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said, "May I take your order?" 12. When asked if they can take your order say, "Why, can I take yours?" 13. If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you. 14. Pretend your car has broken down. Ask for assistance moving it. When they come out, drive away. 15. Tell them you have to use the bathroom. 16. Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it. 17. Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene. 18. When they hand you your food, hand them a bag with all the trash from your car in it. 19. Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare. 20. Honk your horn the whole way through the line.




Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Comedy Central. All rights reserved.

For itch, use lots of fish oil
12:00 AM CST on Monday, October 30, 2006
Shawn Messonnier
Dear Dr. Shawn: I've heard that fish oil can help with allergies. My Labrador, Brutus, who has been diagnosed with allergies, itches all the time. I've been giving him one fish-oil capsule twice daily, but he still itches. Should I give him more?
Answer: Allergies are very common in Labrador retrievers. Those more severely affected itch a lot, similar to Brutus.
I applaud your desire to try using natural therapies to help him. A combination of natural therapies and low-dose medication (given only on really itchy days) works great for most of my allergic patients. Fish oils, specifically, the EPA and DHA omega-3 fatty acids, are potent anti-inflammatory and anti-itching ingredients. However, they must be given at high doses (much higher than the label dosage) in order to be effective.
The label dose is usually good to maintain a healthy coat and skin, but is way too low to help treat medical problems.
I generally recommend 1,500-2,000 mg per day of EPA+DHA. You'll need to find a potent product so you don't have to give Brutus too many capsules. (Most fish-oil products have less than 500 mg of the omega-3s per pill.)
I would also recommend frequent bathing with a good aloe-vera-and-oatmeal product. Various herbs (Silerex, Total-Inflam, Sino-Allergy, DTX Allergy) and homeopathics (Heel Allergy, Sulfur) may also be needed. Treating allergies involves an individualized approach, and each pet will respond to a different protocol. Good luck!
Send questions to Dr. Shawn Messonnier at Paws & Claws Animal Hospital, 2145 W. Park, Plano, TX 75075 or naturalvet@ juno.com. Visit him at www.pet carenaturally.com.

Speed Trap A state trooper spied a car puttering along at 22 MPH. So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that five old guys were inside, and they looked wide-eyed and terribly pale.
The driver pleaded with him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Sir," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous."
"I beg to differ, Officer, I was doing the speed limit exactly: twenty-two miles an hour!" the old man said.
The trooper, chuckling, explained to him that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the man grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out his error.
"But before I let you go, Sir, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These guys seem awfully shaken."
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute," the old man said. "We just got off Route 119."




Comedy Central Daily Joke, 1775 Broadway, NY, NY 10019

Itchy dogs======================================================================What can I do about dog's persistent itch?12:00 AM CDT on Monday, October 16, 2006 Shawn Messonnier What can I do about dog's persistent itch?12:00 AM CDT on Monday, October 16, 2006 Shawn Messonnier Dear Dr. Shawn: My dog is scratching a lot on her belly and chest. She also has some raw areas from scratching and chewing. What can I put on the spots or to alleviate the itching? Will bathing help? What should I use?Answer: It sounds like she has some sort of allergic dermatitis. I approach these cases by treating the pet topically and locally, as well as systemically (treating her orally to help her heal so she stops itching.) Bathing is important; the more the better. A shampoo containing ingredients such as aloe vera and colloidal oatmeal is very helpful to control itching and inflammation. Try to bathe her every one to two days to control itching. Aloe vera ointment or lotion is also helpful on the raw areas. Systemically, she will need a good natural diet plus supplements to decrease her itchiness. Supplements can include a health-maintenance formula, omega-3 fatty acids, antioxidants, herbs and homeopathics. If really needed, medications such as prednisone or an antihistamine can be used for a few days without harming her. Most of the pets I see with allergies respond very well to this natural approach, though success doesn't come overnight. Send questions to Dr. Shawn Messonnier at Paws & Claws Animal Hospital, 2145 W. Park, Plano, TX 75075 or naturalvet@ juno.com. Visit him at www.pet carenaturally.com.